He feels I led him on by not wanting him

[Timeout22]

ExP and I started talking again a few months ago and we speak everyday. It's been so nice, like best friends and felt like comfort as we know each other so well. I love him, but I'm happy alone. Not wanting any relationship, with anyone.

After meeting for a coffee he said his feelings haven't gone. Told him I wasn't in that place but we kept talking and talk has turned into sharing memories from the bedroom. We were both clearly into it. We met for dinner for his birthday, I paid as a birthday treat and when we were saying goodbye I felt him linger more than usual. I explained i'm not in the same place and he got really frustrated. He says I have deceived him and 'led him down the garden path'. He's not speaking with me, seems to have a bad opinion of me and I feel like he's trying to guilt me into getting together

Am I the monster here?

He has said once again this morning that I shouldn't have sent those messages, hung out with him so much as it wasted both our time and caused hurt

So @Timeout22 are you ready to move on separately since a friendship isn’t working out??

What’s the point of the back and forth with him? I think you need to shut down the conversation gently and move on instead of both going round in circles.

Waste of his time = you won’t have sex with him

Each text from him makes him look worse and worse. He’s not unreasonable to have misinterpreted your intentions but he’s clearly not interested in anything less than sex and definitely not just friendship. It’s best if you leave it each other alone now. He can’t magically change and you can’t magically change your feelings and that’s fine.

Try and let this incident and man go. Dwelling on it will do nothing and discussing this by text is going to reinforce his clear feeling that he is entitled to sex from you.

Ha, you must, live in some kind of Utopia, no revenge, no retribution, no justice, I don't know what world you live in but it ain't the real one.

And your insinuation that I have a sad little life is by far more insulting than me pointing out this man got his just desserts.
Basically I think your unkindness is worse than mine.

Anyway, I also think op still loves him and may get back with him eventually, she's just making him squirm at the moment, quite right too if that's her plan.

Were you fairly clear with him about being happy alone, not wanting any relationship right now, liking your life how it is, etc.? It seems like these things would come up if you were naturally and openly interacting with him as a good friend newly back in your life.

I can see how your behaviour and reactions could have led him to believe that you might be open to a casual sexual relationship with him, but unless you've said some things to him that are quite different from what you've mentioned here I really can't see how he could have legitimately assumed that the two of you would be getting back together as a serious long-term couple.

But even if you HAD considered getting back together, you're not obligated to actually do so. If he's trying to make you feel bad because he told his friends the two of you were getting back together, that's really his responsibility, not yours, and his friends will understand that he was mistaken or it didn't work out or whatever he wants to tell them.

I think all you can do is consider if you're treated him as you'd treat a true friend and as you'd want a friend to treat you, and genuinely apologise for wherever you're fallen short. (For example, as others have said, knowing that a friend has romantic feelings that you don't reciprocate should might mean you avoid talking about sex or being physically close with that friend.) If he can't or won't accept a sincere apology, maybe he needs some time and space, or maybe a platonic relationship just isn't possible for the two of you.