He got angry about my birthday

[Mumwithlupus61]

So I'm with my partner for 13yrs now there's a 22yr age gap (I don't know if that matters?) We've got 1 child together. My bday was recently, partner had no money (doesnt work due to health). on the bday presented 2 cards, soap, bar of chocolate, from our child. Happy days, hes paid the next day, nothing. 2 days later no mention of bday does not make any effort to make amends. After 5 days I asked what's the story, you taking me out or what? He shrugs says dunno need to sort sitter etc. I asked have u tried to sort things? Ended up him shouting rolling eyes saying jesus c, why have I to listen to all this, and ended up tells me to fk off. I'm at a loss. Feels like I've poked a dragon or something, I'm expecting too much from him? Should he not want to "date" his woman? Should he not want to spend time together just us two? Out, not stuck in on the sofa every single night, which we do! Am I not worth the effort?

If you have a "child" that needs a bar of chocolate bought on their behalf, you must be quite young? He may have little money, but he knows it matters to you and if he loves you he should be prepared to make a bit of an effort to please you. He could have chosen an inexpensive activity/evening out that he also enjoys and you would have been happy. This man is selfish and doesn't care enough about how you feel.

Maybe he's jealous of your comparative youth and doesn't like being reminded yearly 😂

Honestly though - what a prick. He acts like he hates you. Think hard about whether you want to spend more of your precious life with this miserable man.

You are both living in benefits, which are not a lot.
Why in earth are you paying for everything??

And no he doesn’t care about you. I’m sorry but nothing in his behaviour shows that.
But he has someone still cooking and cleaning and paying for him. He isn’t going to throw that away.

Are you not on joint benefits?

why are you paying for everything ?

I am guessing he is on pip which would be money to help with additional expenses .. depending on disability whether that or some needs to go in family pot for example - extra laundry , bedding , needs additional water and electricity

If you’re both living on benefits, I wouldn’t have though there’s any enough money to be taken out.

Benefits cover the basics - not much else.🤷‍♀️

Please tell
me that the only reason why you haven’t left his old ass is because you need the extra benefits money ? Please …. What kind of example are you guys setting for the child ? What is he going to look in a relationship if this is what he sees every day ? If his father could be his grandfather and he treats you like a servant what in the actual hell are you still doing in this “ relationship “?

Massively disagree with this.

My ex husband, 4 years older than me, never bothered with my birthday, Christmas etc.

My husband now is 16 years older than me (he's 60) and spoils me - remember you don't have to spend a lot of money either, it's the effort and thought.

The OPs husband doesn't care about her unfortunately - simple as that - nothing age related.

You've answered your own question.

You would be better of a songle parent
he sounds like a nasty wee man

Bit of a generalisation here! Fortunately not all 'older men' are like this!
My Husband is significantly older than me and although approaching retirement age still works hard, has plenty of stamina and is very young at heart.
Age and finances have absolutely nothing to do with making some feel special. We have had seasons in our life where money has been tight, we made cards for each other and from the children, he's baked a cake instead of buying one, we have gone on picnics instead of out for meals or sent the kids to Grandparents and had date nights at home.
He chose not to prioritise you.

How old is he OP?

It depends what usually happens on your birthday? Do you have a modest meal out or does he verbally abuse you? What does this arsehole contribute to your life, emotionally or financially?

He's being crystal clear about what's important to him and it's not your feelings. I'd tell him to fuck right off, for good. You wouldn't be worse off on any level. Enjoy the rest of your life, you deserve it!

If my boyfriend told me to eff off I certainly wouldn't stand for it and he'd be out on his ear. I have never understood why people put up with this sort of abuse or abuse someone like this back. Yes there's conflict in all relationships, but resorting to rudeness (to me anyway) isn't in anyway loving and I'm afraid I just wouldn't stand for it and I'd walk away.
He sounds like a very unpleasant man and I suspect it's not about the money or the presents it's about how he's now made you feel. Some people already know the answer they want to hear from people and just need it backed up by others.
Are you asking for help to resolve the issue you have or looking for validation that this man isn't very nice. I think it's the latter. Dumping him is quite extreme, but I wouldn't hesitate if I was in the same situation.

Sounds like a right catch.

He can’t be bothered with you.

So if you are the one paying the bills and clothing the kid etc, what is he putting into the family??Besides snark and ignoring you. Sounds like you do everything while he does nothing and pays for nothing. surely you'd be better off without him?

My ex was like that, wanted to go all out for his birthday but not mine. Expected me to pay for everything while he did nothing, yet he was the healthy, able bodied one and i am disabled! Hence why he's now an ex!

You don't have to put up with someone talking to you like that. Sounds like you would be better off without him. He's taking you for a ride. Get rid.

Even we old people like to go out and about sometimes!!!!

I'm 61 and I fucking love a night out!!!

Exactly - age is just a number 😊

Honey your problem is not your birthday but your partner in general. You say you pay everything for the household and for your kid.

What does he do for your shared family? For you? How are you better off with him than without him?

He doesn't work because of health reasons, so is unlikely to be the same as your fit relatives. An unfit 55 year old with minimum income has a lower quality of life than a sprightly 70+ year old with a healthy pension.

You are worth the effort, OP, so don’t stay with someone who won’t make it.

That’s really unkind of him. And the contrast between how he treats his child, and how he treats you, is sad. Yes, you deserve better.
are you going to kick his mean arse out, or keep hoping he’ll change?

This is who he is, the sooner you admit it to yourself the sooner you can stop the futility of waiting for him to be different. Handwringing rarely leads to to change, so what are you going to do for yourself that prioritises your well-being?