Am I unnecessarily picking faults?

[ThisIsaNiceDress]

A boyfriend of 3 months… we’re both mature, I’m divorced with kids, he’s never been married and no dependants, just work to take care of.
I guess what’s been niggling at me is the fact that from very early on he has made relatively speaking little effort when it comes to arranging dates. He even said so himself, I’m not very good at it, but if you ever want to do anything, tell me and I’ll be up for it 🤷‍♀️ there’s also been a couple of occasions where I was unexpectedly available but he didn’t take me up on the offer. I wouldn’t expect anyone to, of course, be always available, but it’s still early days and I’m managing many more responsibilities and my time is a lot more limited than his. It just doesn’t feel like he is making much effort.
can I have some opinions please? I’m struggling to get right perspective on this! Thank you ☺️

@ThisIsaNiceDress i think it’s perfectly normal you are feeling this way. We live it a pretty harsh world these days where woman are raising kids with hardly any support (at least I am anyway!) when you see people who have that support it’s very hard and you wonder what’s wrong with you that you don’t have it and natural you would want someone to share things with

The consensus seems to be that it’s the end of the road for this one…

from very early on he has made relatively speaking little effort when it comes to arranging dates
This is very early on, still. You've had some dates but he doesn't offer what you want. You're not satisfied so would like to drop him.
This is about him not being what you want. Not about him not doing things like other men. Not about you not being good enough to make him act a certain way. Not about getting a consensus.

Have a frank and mature adult conversation with him to let him know how you feel and what you need from him. Then match his energy.

If I was you OP, I will mentally detached myself from him already. He has shown that he is not willing to commit and reciprocate. If you continue dating him, is not a loss to him as he will just do as he pleases and continue having sex with you while looking for the one. You, on the other hand, will suffer great dent on your self confidence having to constantly second guess his intentions.

personally I think if you are on a forum asking for opinions on this after 12 weeks then he isn’t going to be the one for you. I just think you are different people for a start and so very unlikely to be compatible long term. Throw him back and start fishing again!

If the mental load is like this 3 months in, what will it be like when you live together or punch out a couple of sprogs?