Have I said the wrong thing?

[Loulou560]

Hi
Told my DP something today he’s taken the wrong way, and just wondered whether it was inappropriate? He has a big debt problem he hid from me until I was pregnant with DC2. He is finally sorting it now a year and a half later and I made a comment that I won’t apologise for asking him about what he’s doing as he dropped that bombshell on me at such a time. I went one step further and said that maybe the DC wouldn’t be here if I’d known about it beforehand (meaning I’d have wanted him to fix the problem first before having DC, which I think is quite sensible) He stormed off as if I’d said something awful and now he’s blanking me. I think I told him as he needs to understand the situation he put me in. He may have thought I didn’t want them etc which is absolutely not true. I love them with all my heart. He didn’t let me explain, and maybe i blurted it out due to a lot of pent up pressure on me financially.
Have I said something awful which I can never take back?

i am confused by

He is finally sorting it now a year and a half later and I made a comment that I won’t apologise for asking him about what he’s doing as he dropped that bombshell on me at such a time.

so you asked him how he’s sorting the debt problem?

@politicalintrigue he’s been making payments, but they haven’t been sustainable, and I’m propping up all the household bills. He’s finally sought a better solution which will help.

you have started a number of threads about your unhappy marriage OP

This doesn’t sound like it’s working in a number of levels

@politicalintrigue hes told me a few days ago how he’s sorting it out, but hasn’t been particularly transparent over it, so I just wanted to clarify some details.

fair enough

but the background is essentially an unhappy marriage isn’t it

He's got the wrong end of the stick. Try again to explain to him when he's calmed down. Communication is key!

@politicalintrigue we’ve had some issues, but I feel they all stem from the financial issues he’s been ashamed of, and I’m hoping this can be a new start for us.

what about the criticising you for everything?

Criticsized about everything
feeling under appreciated
Doesn’t deal with his health problems
Selective hearing ie ignoring you

just a handful ñ of the threads you have started

@politicalintrigue he’s been critical due to hiding his issues I think in part, and I’ve been feeling undervalued due to the financial pressure. I think it’s made him very depressed. I hope that by him addressing that, I’ll know if it was the cause of these issues.

The problems don't 'stem from' the financial issues, the financial issues are part of the problems. He's the sort of man who runs up huge debts, lies about it and lets you carry the can. He's a shit.

bloody hell op

that is one hell of a reach

so because of his secret debt

he criticises you constantly
makes you feel under appreciated
doesn’t deal with health issues that make your life more stressful
and ignores you often

ok

Or you’ve been conditioned into making excuses for his abuse

you need to realise it all stems from him, and his decisions, debt didn't happen to him- he got into it and concealed it!

he should be transparent and open about what he is doing to sort debts out as well as paying his share of household costs
he is flipping out abut a comment you hade as manipulation tactic to turn himself into a victim in this situation,
will he now give you silent treatment?
most sensible people wouldn't be trying to conceive while in debt, so your comment was not that harsh!

I hope so too and you did not say anything wrong. One partner's debt affects the other partner, and any children.

Good luck.

@LBFseBrom @Peoniesinbloom @SamW98 thanks for your input. He just came home to get something from the storage shed outside and didn’t even bother coming in to see us. I’m so upset.

Is he just a boyfriend? No marriage, so you're not financially linked to him?

The only point of a relationship is for enhancing your life and making it fun.
Let your upset channel you in to planning for life without this man, do you own the house?

@ActualChips were not married, so no financial connection. I own our home as it’s all my money threats gone into it and the debt is in my name.

It sounds like he's not treating you as an equal team member. He hides things from you, and gets angry when he thinks you are challenging his authority, even when he is doing a poor job.

How did he hide a debt from you if it's in your name? Forge your signature?

If debt is in your name but you had no knowledge of it, it means he committed FRAUD
I suggest reporting this to police and informing creditors of identity theft

@Hatfullofwillow none of the debt is in my name. It’s all his and doesn’t affect me on paper.

I'm confused. Is the debt in your name or not?