I slept with another man in my dream and now I feel guilty

[DaringFawn]

So context my partner whom I love very much and I do mean very much. Has been going through a hard time just lately with depression it's been a few months since we've done anything of the sort and 5 years since 4 play I'm frustrated to say the least but don't say anything because I no how he's feeling. So last night I had a dream that I had sex with a stranger. Not going to lie it was amazing yes I no its just a dream. But now I feel really guilty for even having this dream or that maybe my mind even contemplates this. I could never tell him how frustrated I am because he always says I'm selfish for even thinking of asking for it he never wants it with me but does release himself. Am I selfish and I really a terrible person 🫣

He sounds like the selfish one. Five years with no foreplay......what was his excuse?

😂 I do this all the time. It’s fun

He sounds awful. Are you really prepared to spend the rest of your life in a sexless relationship, OP? If I were you, I'd leave him, because it doesn't look likely that things will change. (As for feeling guilty about a dream ... don't be daft, woman!!)

Isn’t this what everyone does? You can’t control your dreams lol.

Why are you with him OP? He really doesn't sound like he's up to much.

He's got really bad depression at the moment to the point he tried taking his life I can't just leave because the relationship is sexless but at the same time I'm dying for some adult company and love lol

Don't feel bad. At all. It's not even like you can control your dreams.

His depression

I've 'had' James Spader in my dreams. And Benedict Cumberbatch. James is a far better kisser. Benedict gives a great scalp and back massage.
FYI it's been suggested that if you dream about a positive experience with a celebrity,it means your self esteem might be low.
I get James and Benedict when I'm stressed at work.
But I don't have issues in my marriage I'm afraid.

I lived with a well known celebrity in my dreams for several months. It was weird because it was a recurring dream set up with different things happening each time.

Has he sought any help for his depression?
And five years without foreplsy? Why ? Why do you put up with this? What is his excuse?
Dreams are normal, the way he’s treating you is not.

Depression

He sounds awful because he isn’t up to sex? How can you instantly say leave him? He’s depressed and tried to take his own life so clearly his mind is not on sex! For better for worse, in sickness and in health…. There’s no clause in those vows that say unless he doesn’t have sex.

OP most people are guilty of having a dream about someone who isn’t their partner, it’s just a dream though so no guilt needed. Is your DH getting help with his depression?

You are not married, so it's not a case of 'in sickness and in health', you haven't made that pledge. What is he doing to address his depression?( apart from wanking) If the answer is nothing, you should leave him. It's not your problem if he threatens suicide - though you will have done your bit by informing the police to do a welfare check if the need arrives.
A few months of depression has nothing to do with 5 years of no 4 play. You have put up with crumbs for years, no wonder you are having dreams about it. Feeling guilty about it is just daft. He should feel guilt every time he pleasures himself instead of you.

Mate I had a dream the other night that I shagged Gandalf, I'm happily married and have a very healthy and enjoyable sex life. Who cares what you dream about, it's not real and nothing to feel guilty about.

Your real life sex life is what you should be worrying about. Did I read right that you've had no foreplay for five years? Absolutely fuck that.

So he knocks one out himself but hasn’t performed any foreplay on you for years? Sounds pretty fucking selfish to me.

She said "Has been going through a hard time just lately with depression" so I was expecting it to go back five years.

Is he doing anything to help with his depression? I'm not sure why you feel guilty about a dream, sounds like you have a load of pent up
sexual frustration. Does that not concern him?

I’ve had various degrees of dream sex. Some great, some I’d rather forget about, others I’d like to burn my bed… No guilt, though!

I had a dream that I had sex with my manager - I couldn’t look at him for weeks 🤦‍♀️

I don’t think there is any reason for you to feel guilty about a dream. I mean I’ve been woken by an orgasm during the night before and it’s hardly something Icant/could control lol.

The sexless marriage is an issue.
I get that you dint think it’s something you can broach just now because you’re worried about him etc….
BUT
At the same time, it’s your life. It’s your needs (for connexion, human touch and to be seen). You can ignore your needs for a bit. Not for ever. And I’d agree that your dream is a way that your mind/body is reminding you you are neglecting yourself.
Youll have to do something about it because otherwise you’ll get ressentful and/or physically ill.

Yes it's quite literally jump on dry jump off when he's finished

No doesn't bother him he calls me selfish for asking for it and makes me feel dirty

He sounds awful because he isn’t up to sex?

@Health47 No, that's not what I meant. He sounds awful because he's selfish.

Yes it's quite literally jump on dry jump off when he's finished

Honestly OP, the more you tell us about this man, the worse he sounds. Leave him. He doesn't care about you. Leave him now.