I slept with another man in my dream and now I feel guilty

[DaringFawn]

So context my partner whom I love very much and I do mean very much. Has been going through a hard time just lately with depression it's been a few months since we've done anything of the sort and 5 years since 4 play I'm frustrated to say the least but don't say anything because I no how he's feeling. So last night I had a dream that I had sex with a stranger. Not going to lie it was amazing yes I no its just a dream. But now I feel really guilty for even having this dream or that maybe my mind even contemplates this. I could never tell him how frustrated I am because he always says I'm selfish for even thinking of asking for it he never wants it with me but does release himself. Am I selfish and I really a terrible person 🫣

It’s just a dream you can’t control it. Is he getting help for his depression?

I had an absolutely filthy dream about Keir Starmer the other night … my husband can’t work out why I’m smiling whilst watching the news.

i have no issues with my intimacy with DH .. it’s just a dream

.

Is he getting treatment for his depression and addressing the issue? If so, then it may get better once he’s feeling more himself and you can tentatively raise it then.

I do find it a little strange that you say he’s still relieving himself so sex drive isn’t the issue or lack of libido it is just physically having sex?

If you’re determined to wait it out a little longer whilst he recovers, couldn’t you also relieve yourself in new ways? Get online and have a look for some mechanical
assistance if you don’t have any already 😂?

Also, do not feel guilty about things you do subconsciously and have no control over!! It’s very normal to think about or dream about people other than your DP from time to time!

OP he sounds selfish and quite frankly a bit messed up about sex if he thinks foreplay is dirty.

Does he have ED? Is he scared he will lose his E if you have too much foreplay? Or do you think he has other issues with sex/ sexuality?

Can’t you split up and stay friends? You could support him through his illness and would then be free to meet someone who wants a physical relationship with you. To me he doesn’t seem to want to have this with you.

And the reasons would not matter to me if he wasn’t prepared to do something about it.

💐

Don't feel guilty about a dream! That's madness!
What's your dp's excuse for no 4play over 5 years?

I hope you apologised for cheating on him in your dreams.

So he's too depressed to satisfy you but not so depressed that he can't satisfy himself using your body? That is NOT how depression works.

And guilt? Over a dream that you can't control? No way! However, I would be spending more time asleep hoping for a dream lover, rather than awake with the selfish man who is using you as a sex doll.

I have every sympathy with depression. I have had several episodes myself and supported friends and family with the same but he is using his depression as a stick to beat you with so you bend to his selfish wishes. Please, put yourself first, there is nothing to love about someone like this. You deserve better.

He is 100% the selfish one, not you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, except perhaps towards yourself for staying with him this long. You have one precious life, OP. Why waste another minute of it with this horrible man?

Sex isn't even the biggest issue here. The problem is that he's mean, devaluing and puts her down when she states her needs.
Treatment for depression won't fix a bastard. He'll just be a more effective bastard.

This.

Bloody hell .. l had a threesome with Ant and Dec the other night 🤣 and Dec is the bigger of the two in that department.
My friend has recently started on Sertraline and it's well known for vivid dreams .
She confinded in me she felt guilty for having a dream about and affair because she's a strict Mormon... and has a very good sex life and six grown up kids and loads of Grandkids..
I had to tell her it's the Sertraline.
We cannot control our dreams .
I love Sertraline for giving me fabulous dreams.

Do not let him.use ur body . Vile. As for dream I would not worry. I gad a dream that I had mad passionate sex wuth our bursar. He was gay. I'm a woman. No.idea where it came from.

Were they a bit gay with each other as well?

😂 I want to know this too!

Sorry if this sounds harsh OP but he’s only interested in his own pleasure and using his frites soon as an excuse imo.

Hes still got enough libido to wank and basically use you as a warm body to cum into with minimal input or effort.

Bin the selfish twat and buy yourself the best vibrator you can - make up for lost time with those orgasms

Except she says he masturbates. So he is up to pleasuring himself. He doesn't care about her pleasure, shames her and puts her down for wanting it. Depression doesn't cause that. He's emotionally abusive and selfish.
She's not responsible for his life. Since he doesn't treat her kindly, he has already broken his vows to her.

This! With bells on!

He wants me to.give bjs all the time but is to depressed to give me full set I love him alot and breaks my heart at the thought of leaving I don't no what to do

He's on sertraline but says they don't work other than that he's not doing anything else to help

Op put in some boundaries about reciprocity. All take but no give is not a good stance for either of your wellbeing’s.

Come the fuck on. WHY are you putting up with this?

It's not depression, he's a complete arsehole.

I’m sorry OP but it sounds like he’s just using depression as an excuse to just get what he wants sexually with zero reciprocity or care or respect for you and your needs.

How gross to say he’s too depressed to have sex with you whilst asking for a blow job 😫

Only thing I can think of is trauma bond that I don't no how to break

He's a selfish git full stop. Time to engage your self respect and bin him off. You are worth better than that.

You would do much better with Keir, or Ant and Dec.