I slept with another man in my dream and now I feel guilty

[DaringFawn]

So context my partner whom I love very much and I do mean very much. Has been going through a hard time just lately with depression it's been a few months since we've done anything of the sort and 5 years since 4 play I'm frustrated to say the least but don't say anything because I no how he's feeling. So last night I had a dream that I had sex with a stranger. Not going to lie it was amazing yes I no its just a dream. But now I feel really guilty for even having this dream or that maybe my mind even contemplates this. I could never tell him how frustrated I am because he always says I'm selfish for even thinking of asking for it he never wants it with me but does release himself. Am I selfish and I really a terrible person 🫣

You do know you can leave for any reason?

Why not, it's a valid excuse. Relationships are about intimacy and sex....

I commented after reading he has depression, tried to kill himself…. So I spoke to early on it all cos then OP gave all the extra information, now I’m thinking differently

Sorry but unless there's kids involved I'd be on my merry way, away from this unfortunate situation.

When a previous partner had depression he went off sex completely. It was hard but think easier than ur situation where he is selective to what he can and can't do. Ask yourself do u really want sex with this man? Loving sex where you both think of each other and yourself is clearly not on the cards. No way would he get anything from.me . Know your worth OP.

• depression not frites ffs

My subconscious has had sex with tons of people in the depths of the night, especially when I'm ovulating and/or haven't had any for a while. I can't afford to feel guilty about it, it would be far too time-consuming. It's entertaining more than anything.

It is telling you your sexual needs aren't really being met though. Good luck with deciding what to do there.

I've suffered from depression for 40 years, I've never felt entitled to use my partner for blowjobs and lazy selfish sex. You don't have to put up with it.

I'm afraid he does not love you back op!

He is a vile, horrible man and you need to get away from him asap.
Don't ever let this steaming turd of a man anywhere near you again.

Sorry but he doesn’t love or respect you. He sees you as an unpaid sex worker to service him on demand while he gives nothing back.

How can you bare to be touch this grubby little users cock? Find your self respect and dignity and let him carry on wanking himself silly while you move on to a better life.

Honestly please raise your bar out of the gutter? Hes a useless selfish twat who gives you absolutely nothing and will continue to destroy your self worth the longer you allow yourself to be his sex vessel.

Well that’s a big issue to start with.
There are many more things he could try. I get that when you’re depressed it’s hard to get around doing those. But it’s been 5 years. He should have sorted other stuff such as counselling, looking at diet, seeing an acupuncturist, starting exercise etc etc…

Basically he is in a position where he feels shit (hence he is suicidal) but can’t face doing ANYTHING to help himself.
And all the while he is expecting YOU to be at his beck and call.

Trauma bonding sounds about right. Agd the way of getting out of that and finding yourself again is to find a good counsellor.
Because you, your needs are just as worthy as his. Even if he is suicidal, aka ill, and you’re not.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
You deserve companionship.
You deserve intimacy.
You deserve to be seen.
And you simply cannot save him, heal him or take in all the burdens of life for him. Even if you really want to.

This. He's incredibly selfish and not considering your needs at all. A few months of no sex is one thing but years and years and he's not improving properly means if you stay there will be no more sex for you ever.

There are children involved that's why it's so hard

No not gay with each other lol
🤣

I've had the same thing and felt guilty but we mustn't really because dreams are beyond your control, you don't choose them.

Seriou, you'd be doing your children a huge favour by leaving. They are not getting to see a healthy relationship.
Please do not stay "for the children"!

Why do you love him, OP? He sounds mean and selfish. And in a sense you’re enabling his very poor behaviour by tolerating it. As a PP suggested, you can still be friends even if you end the relationship.

Why do you love him a lot? It sounds like he despises you. Honest question. What does he bring that makes you love him so much?

When he's nice he's amazing and I mean really amazing he's loving caring but I see less and less of that nowadays I guess I'm just holding on to the past of who he once was

Jesus stop servicing him. Your updates are terrible.

Start looking to leave him and get a life for yourself.

You can stay friends.

💐

I once had Ivan Lendl in a telephone box on top of a roof in dream.

You cannot control your dreams, enjoy them.

It's not surprising you want a closer relationship after so long, most of us would. Your partner should not call you, "Selfish", you are human. I understand depression robs us of a great deal but at the same time he has to realise that he is the depressed one, not you. In fact, he does realise that, he is just reacting.

I am sorry you are in this situation. Is your partner having help with his depression?

In what way is this man ‘amazing’? The way you are describing him it sounds like barely adequate is too high a bar for him to reach.

I presume he’s doing what abusers always do, throw a few crumbs of vaguely acceptable behaviour to keep you reeled in.