Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why would a guy.... ?

100 replies

pubertyalloveragain · 18/07/2024 21:48

Met a guy a year ago, struck up a friendly rapport. He reached out a bit asking me to do this, didn't think anything of it.

Had a six week thing, the ex who if never heard of got in touch. He was with her for four years. And so that was the end of us until he kept reaching out, never confirming he was with his ex and eventually admitting he didn't say so as he knew I wouldn't see him if I knew.

We have seen eachother platonically a few times this year. A couple of romantic moments instigated by him which I immediately stopped. It was only a short time we had our thing so in ways I tried to be friends as really enjoy his company (even though he lied) and in hindsight wasn't in the best place. And alas I got I supposed a bit attached.

A year on he still gets in touch. Why???? I knock him back explaining I've no desire to be a number 2 or whatever, can't really be his friend. It's god damn hard as I really miss hanging out with him but I know I have strong feelings for him. He is relentless though. Texted me first thing on my birthday, I said thanks, I know he was warming me up again to see if we could hang out.

Why why - of course the very stupid part of my brain think oh we are destined very very occasionally and then the rest of the time, I move on. Then he gets in touch again and then I am set back and miss him again if though I don't agree to see him. I know intermittent reinforcement etc, but I genuinely miss his company and this is so hard.

I don't want to block him, I see him about too much for that. But I just want to understand why he still wants to see me.

OP posts:
Kat888 · 23/07/2024 17:28

Omg is it from him yeah? He's toxic AF

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:39

Definitely from him

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 23/07/2024 17:39

Wow. You did the right thing blocking him. He is goading you into un-blocking him because your politeness makes you feel obliged to thank him, and then he can take back control from you again. Ignore him. What a manipulative little tosser.

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:41

Why would he bother though? Why why be so manipulative??? It's beyond me.

OP posts:
cantgetnosussifaction · 23/07/2024 17:42

They hate to think they are living control over you. Been there and done it. Blocking is the best thing.

cantgetnosussifaction · 23/07/2024 17:42

Sorry LOSING control over you.

Planesmistakenforstars · 23/07/2024 17:44

It's hard to understand people like him if you aren't like him. He likes you being in his power, in his control, to know you will be his back up plan and come running if he wants it. It's not beyond you. You're beyond him.

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:45

Surely to want control over some randomer is sociopath stuff? I mean he's in a relationship, I'm not some life long friend/ lost love - really I'm just some woman he came upon about a year ago ....

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:45

I feel like I'm some weird hobby of his.

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:47

A friend suggested to me that he may be codependent. I don't really see how that's evident or whether that's remotely applicable in this context - with his gf or me.

OP posts:
sadabouti · 23/07/2024 17:50

He wants risky/secret sex with a side girl. That's it. Not complicated. He would make a lousy boyfriend because he'd do it to you too. You can do better.

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:50

He knows I'm not going to have sex with him. There's no doubt about that.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 23/07/2024 17:53

Christ OP what's with all the talking to yourself and drama?

You've finally blocked him, now ignore the present and get on with your life.

All the wide-eyed "But whyyyyyyyy?" in the world isn't going to change the situation.

Do you have any friends or hobbies you could focus all this mental energy on?

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:53

Eugh there is a tiny revengeful p .art of me that would love to fuck with his head but I know it would only makes things worse

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 18:07

Warriorworrier · 19/07/2024 00:55

Hi OP, not sure if I read your post right.

Is it that he’s got back with his ex after seeing you for 6 weeks but he is still trying to hook up with you under the pretence of ‘hanging out as friends’?

Yes

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 18:12

TwattyMcFuckFace · 23/07/2024 17:53

Christ OP what's with all the talking to yourself and drama?

You've finally blocked him, now ignore the present and get on with your life.

All the wide-eyed "But whyyyyyyyy?" in the world isn't going to change the situation.

Do you have any friends or hobbies you could focus all this mental energy on?

Apologies for trying to make sense of something. Has something similar happened to you? Yeah perhaps I'm in a more vulnerable place than usual and generally trying to make sense of life again and got this persistent stuff thrown at me?

Inferring I'm dramatic or looking for drama and I am sitting around doing F all with my life, waiting for him to text or in this case leave a gift on my doorstep after blocking him .. no comment.

Are condescending remarks on Mumsnet your hobby???

OP posts:
SamW98 · 23/07/2024 18:12

Why are you giving this twat so much headspace? What does it matter why he’s acting like a tosser? Thats just who he is - no one but him can answer you and so it’s a waste of time and energy trying understand the fuckwit.

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 18:13

I'll leave it there :)

OP posts:
FourToTheMFingFloor · 23/07/2024 19:09

Look I get it @pubertyalloveragain been there done that, not at all over it. We have no contact but there isn't a day I don't stew over it at some point.

There's no answer. You dropped the rope, he wants you to pick it back up, you've moved on as far as he's concerned. He doesn't need to know anything else.

ZebraD · 23/07/2024 21:22

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 17:41

Why would he bother though? Why why be so manipulative??? It's beyond me.

It’s a game….he wants to win but he lost…goodbye…lols..

ZebraD · 23/07/2024 21:27

Ps…what was the present, I hope it was something nice! Ha ha!

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 21:57

Sinister and pointless game

In fairness the gift was quite sentimental but not falling for it

OP posts:
whyamilikethis234 · 23/07/2024 22:00

MorrisseyGladioli · 19/07/2024 01:05

He's probably interested to see if he's still "got it" (meaning yes, he's after sex)

Yup

Keeping you on a string

Edingril · 23/07/2024 22:11

No idea but it is your control to stop contact

pubertyalloveragain · 23/07/2024 22:16

Totally

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread