Why would a guy.... ?

[pubertyalloveragain]

Met a guy a year ago, struck up a friendly rapport. He reached out a bit asking me to do this, didn't think anything of it.

Had a six week thing, the ex who if never heard of got in touch. He was with her for four years. And so that was the end of us until he kept reaching out, never confirming he was with his ex and eventually admitting he didn't say so as he knew I wouldn't see him if I knew.

We have seen eachother platonically a few times this year. A couple of romantic moments instigated by him which I immediately stopped. It was only a short time we had our thing so in ways I tried to be friends as really enjoy his company (even though he lied) and in hindsight wasn't in the best place. And alas I got I supposed a bit attached.

A year on he still gets in touch. Why???? I knock him back explaining I've no desire to be a number 2 or whatever, can't really be his friend. It's god damn hard as I really miss hanging out with him but I know I have strong feelings for him. He is relentless though. Texted me first thing on my birthday, I said thanks, I know he was warming me up again to see if we could hang out.

Why why - of course the very stupid part of my brain think oh we are destined very very occasionally and then the rest of the time, I move on. Then he gets in touch again and then I am set back and miss him again if though I don't agree to see him. I know intermittent reinforcement etc, but I genuinely miss his company and this is so hard.

I don't want to block him, I see him about too much for that. But I just want to understand why he still wants to see me.

He knows I wouldn't go there

I really have said no to him, I really have.

Thrill of the chase. He is a twat. Don’t fall for it.

But you continue to keep talking to him. He knows he still has you on a hook

So even more of a challenge and ego boost if he manages it then. Block him its the only way.

Thanks :)

Block or just ignore?

Imagine if he was your partner and you found out he was behaving like this with another woman. You'd be devastated, right?

Why would you even want to be friends with a man who does that to his partner?

I know.

Honestly he is making me want to go back to my marriage in a way, he's put me off trusting anyone and tinted my view on men at this stage

And yet, whilst you've got this turmoil going on inside your own mind, you are focusing your attention on why his mind works the way it does. Why is that? When your trust in men is threatened, you focus on one, untrustworthy man?

If he told you he'd had a serious think, worked himself out properly, decided to respect himself and others, and had left this other woman because he wants a ltr with you, what would you say to him?

Id probably say good for you but no thanks.

So yes good point, why am I wasting my time, probably just a distraction for me.

I knew my marriage did a number on me but thanks for all the comments they raise such good points about my own behaviour.

I've been here OP ,wish I'd blocked him at the start .. it's all for ego .just don't play block him

Thing is, you tipped him off so he knows you've got feelings, and he's pulling that string every so often for his own ego.

Trust me; I have my own dealings with one of these.

Thing is I'm not stupid but I can see it all in front of me. It's so messed up and I know he's trying to normalise it.

I am never going to reply again. And I want him to know that I've the willpower not to.

When he gets in touch again I'm gonna come straight back to this thread.

Tell him you are going to block him and then do it.

Bit dramatic?

Why tell him you will block him. Just do it. Let him know you have the willpower to never see what shit he wants to send your way ever again because you are so bored with it you don’t even want to allow it into your headspace for a moment longer.
and then…move on and be happy. Good luck. 😉

I’d tell him because if you’re going to run into him then it gets the awkward questions out the way. He knows why and doesn’t need to ask.

I do t think blocking him is dramatic @pubertyalloveragain. It’s self-preservation as you’ll be the one who gets hurt. He wants to keep you interested but isn’t willing to give anything. You think it’s cerebral yet say he makes romantic advances. You both see this relationship differently.

I think blocking sends a message that...you can't trust yourself not to message him so you have to block.

I much rather just leave unread.

It's fucking hard though!

I tend to agree with this.

I'm doing it right now. For the first time EVER I'm in a position to ignore the last message. Holding on to this high ground as long as possible 😆

Come and join our thread of saddos @pubertyalloveragain

We have a thread called something like 'anyone else trying not to contact a guy part 2'

We'll pull you through. It really helps!

Good on you - well done :) I'm inclined to do this too. Did you delete him as a contact?