Husband told me I wasn’t cut out for pregnancy

[Barkermum2024]

So, this might be the pregnancy hormones but I wanted to get some more opinions. I have just been diagnosed with pelvic girdle pain. It is so severe that I struggle to walk sometimes and I’ve been referred to a physio therapist for help.
Sometimes it brings me down. I wonder why my body is struggling so much. I want so badly to be good at this and be good at being a mother. My logical brain knows that being in pain doesn’t mean I’m bad at being pregnant but sometimes I get a bit down when I’m in so much pain all the time.
Today I was walking to the bathroom and had to get on the floor of the kitchen because I was in so much pain and couldn’t make it. I called my husband to help assist me and he told me that maybe I wasn’t cut out for pregnancy.
this really hurt me. I’ve been crying about it since he said it and he knows it’s upset me. I want more children - we both do - and now I feel like a liability and I’m “bad” at being a pregnant woman.
he has apologized and I don’t hold it against him but I wondered if any other mums out there have felt the same way at all?

I struggled with my first pregnancy and the second one felt unbearable to me. Lots of pain and struggling to cope in my own body. Then I went to an antenatal class and realised most of the women were struggling to various degrees. I think pregnancy only suits some people (small bumps, no pain). It is really hard! It's not you!

I was so sick during pregnancy l felt like poison had been injected into my body..it was horrendous. But l bounced back the second the babies were out and was a great at breastfeeding. Some friends were miserable and tired after the birth but my body was rejoicing to be well and able to eat. I wouldn't have been surprised if my dh thought l wasn't cut out for pregnancy..l felt it myself but it has had nothing to do with being a mom. It's a stressful time overall when you are not well..hang in there and don't take stuff to heart. It will soon be over and the relief will be immeasurable.

I'm bad at pregnancy too, it's why I don't have the number of children I wanted.

But I'm also bad at digestion. Just because my body doesn't find something easy is no reflection on me. It's my genes.

Your husband needs to be tactfully, or not tactfully, told that pregnant women remember this kind of stuff forever, take it to heart and to watch what he says. If he learns this now he won't say anything staggeringly bad when you are in labour that you'll also remember.

I have a sister who wasn’t cut out for pregnancy all. From the moment she conceived, there was always something wrong - she was sick, in pain/discomfort, immobile, had piles - you name it. She admits pregnancy was not a good fit for her.

Just get through it as best you can.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, PGP is the absolute worst.

I'm not cut out for being pregnant either. Morning sickness for 20w, followed immediately by PGP for the next 20w. Recurrent UTIs throughout.

I did it twice!!!

But your husband is so so out of order. Just, why are men. Why are men!

I would be hurt to hear that too, even though I thought that way about my pregnancies.

and I can sympathise I also suffered with pelvic girdle pain, support belts were absolute life saver if you don't have one already I would really recommend it !
dont let that comment get to you, I guess he isnt cut out for pregnancy either!

Not many people are cut out for it. And childbirth is a lot worse.

I had this with 2 of my pregnancies but not the 3rd as I had physio in between. I got signed off for a couple of weeks and work didn't make any changes but occupational health were brilliant.
I've had 3 pregnancies and its hard but it's so worth it and you will forget it as it's only temporary otherwise I wouldn't have done it again!
SPD is painful but not damaging and will have no impact on your baby. It's just the hormones which your body makes during pregnancy so it's a sign that your body is doing what it's meant to grow your baby.
Try to get as much rest as you can to make up for the disturbed nights and look up exercises for your joints to strengthen them. Look at pregnancy pilates and stay away from pregnancy yoga as this makes it worse.
Your partner needs to adjust and step up. SPD is really common.
If you breastfeed he will need to take on cooking and laundry whilst you feed and sleep. This is his time to show that he is cut out for it.

How shit that that angle he took here was to tell you you were rubbish at it, rather than love and care for you for having a hard time. Prick.

I don’t really see the issue, I’m also not cut out for pregnancy and had a shocking time of it. Some women’s bodies struggle, it’s not a blame thing or a fault, it simply is.

He said she maybe wasn’t cut out for it, he didn’t say you’re rubbish at being pregnant. Please read the op.

Tell him pregnancy is harder on the woman if the man's sperm isn't quite up to snuff. He sounds just about stupid enough to believe it. At least it'll keep you amused watching him try to surreptitiously google it to see if it's true.

You’re being over sensitive. Lots of people aren’t cut out for pregnancy in that it makes them feel terrible and really unwell. I hated being pregnant and was unwell throughout the whole nine months. So much so I never had another child. I also had spd. It’s a horrible condition. Hope the rest of your pregnancy passes quickly and you soon have your lovely baby in your arms.

Did he say it kindly? Some women's bodies don't cope well with pregnancy, it's just one of those things and no one's fault.

From conception to my daughter being 2 the only bit I was cut out for was child birth. The rest was awful. Sickness in first and third trimester. Reflux. Car accident and bruised and broken ribs in the second trimester. Severe treatment resistant depression and pyschosis after my daughter was born

My partner held me up for those 3 years. He filled in the gaps I couldn't do, without complaint and without looking for reward or acknowledgement.

It took until my daughter was 3 to even consider doing it again. It's early days but I'm expecting my second now and remembering just how much I hate pregnancy! He's already stepping up and filling in.

Pregnancy is tough, newborns are tough there's a reasons there is two of you. One to grow the human one to look after the adult growing the human.

Pregancy was awful. Both physically and mentally.

Motherhood and new born life is amazing.

Just because pregancy is difficult does not reflect you as a mother. Wait until you hold them in your arms.

I often think they say these stupid things because they feel powerless to help us and can't take away the pain.

I called my husband to help assist me and he told me that maybe I wasn’t cut out for pregnancy.
this really hurt me

I would like to understand this. I have one (adult) child who physically ‘isn’t cut out for pregnancy’ due to many factors, that’s a fact. Genuinely trying to understand how this would be hurtful? I don’t understand, unless you are trying to replicate some unrealistic utopian Mother Gia aspect of pregnancy why would acknowledged difficulties during pregnancies be hurtful?

Unsurprisingly, I did. I was paraphrasing.

I think it’s the angle he took, that she is not physically up to coping with pregnancy, rather than she’s having a tougher time than many, because pregnancy is generally awful and hard. He was very negative about her, not supportive that she is suffering.

But for many, pregnancy will involve an amount of suffering. It’s about a bell curve, tail ends and delta etc. Why would acknowledging this be ‘hurtful’?

My experience of pregnancy is that it's pretty dire and awful. I hated it and i was relatively fortunate in that I did not have too severe sickness etc. Pregnancy is a tough gig for humans due to the way we have evolved and our pelvises have evolved. Some women might sail through it by i would venture that there are more who have issues.

Anyway- your DH may be wrong that you are not cut out for pregnancy. However it's certain you are more cut out for it than he is!

You are creating an entirely new human being. It's going to be hard work sometimes. But I do hope it gets better for you. Don't blame yourself... take care and nurture yourself. You are literally in the middle of creating life.

Me and the family have just been to Italy for the week. It's been absolutely boiling. Me and DD have been fine, but DP has really really struggled. Any exertion, and she's sweating pints, she's had a few migraines, and she burns no matter how much cream she puts on.

She's not cut out for the heat. That's not a failing on her part, she's not doing anything wrong, she can't change that she struggles. Her body just can't deal with heat the way that mine and DDs does.

The same is true for you @Barkermum2024 . Your body is struggling with the side effects of pregnancy in a way that other women's doesn't. That's not a failing on your part. It's just a genetic lottery. Your husband wasn't being cruel, he was sympathising, he just worded it badly.

that's a rubbish thing to say, I hope he's apologized. But you need to separate pregnancy from being a mum, there is no connection!

It's really upsetting to see all these women saying they were 'bad at pregnancy', all of our bodies react differently to it and that's out of your control. Like the PP said, it has no connection to what kind of mother you will be (I'm sure you will be great!)

I can only talk personally but I was only mirroring the language of the op to be relatable.
It is not a phrase I would use to describe by body other than in response to others using that description. I don't enjoy pregnancy and I found early life with my daughter torturous. The birth was the only bit that was "textbook" the rest was bloody awful. It took nearly 4 years and a lot of therapy and counselling to feel ready to try again