Page 4 | Googled my boyfriends name..confused now

Alexanadra · 2024-07-17T07:11:00+00:00

Googled my boyfriend of 2 and a half years out of curiosity. He is a computer genius and writes papers. His name came up under a respectable looking site but when I pressed it a porn chat site came up. I asked him about it and he went crazy and said his Internet blocks porn sites so how could he look at them.However he is very secretive and has several phones and laptops for his work in several universities.Reason am confused is he doesn't seem to care if we have sex or not and says he has a low sex drive. Doesn't make much effort for me tbh but am I being paranoid?

DecoratingDiva · 20/07/2024 23:23

If I google myself I’m an American actress (clearly I am not). You cannot be sure it is him you have found and who in their right mind (especially a “computer genius”) would use their real name on a porn chat site.

However, you say there are issues in your relationship related to sex or lack of it and the whole multiple computer & phone thing is odd, as is his “my internet blocks porn” response (again, especially for a “computer genius”). I’d say he is probably not being entirely honest with you about something but what that might be is not clear although it is probably porn related.

InsensibleMe · 20/07/2024 23:59

Man looks at porn on-line.
Bear, woods, etc etc

GrandTheftWalrus · 21/07/2024 00:04

I googled my name.

I'm an:

Actress
Vet
Photographer
Scientist
Dead

SmileyClare · 21/07/2024 00:42

InsensibleMe · 20/07/2024 23:59

Man looks at porn on-line.
Bear, woods, etc etc

Well yes, I mean a hell of a lot of men and women do.

The odd thing about this thread is that op seem to think Googling someone’s name on your phone takes you to the porn site they’ve viewed?

Of course it doesn’t. As all the pps googling themselves on this thread demonstrates. You’ve either clicked on a pop up ad by mistake or this is a wind up.

XChrome · 21/07/2024 00:54

He's probably a porn addict. The signs are there. They lose interest in partnered sex. That's what you should focus on anyway. Instead of googling his name, have a conversation about the lack of sex. Ask him if he uses porn. Watch his reaction. If he gets angry, he most likely does.
If that is not productive, I would think about gettinh out, because they don't change, except to get worse.

XChrome · 21/07/2024 00:57

time2changeCharlieBrown · 17/07/2024 12:28

Could it not be someone else with the same name?

If it was he wouldn't have reacted that way.

Phyllysophie · 21/07/2024 01:38

Wow...firstly o can't believe you're having to ask. And secondly he works in a University? That bring a whole lot of names for him tou mind... Boyfriend is absolutely not one of them...!!!!
Paranoid is a state humans get into whilst piecing together snippets of, what they know will be hurtful information. If found to be true. The missing "paragraphs" become scenarios that your imagination intensifies....try reading something but leave pages out...you automatically fill in the gaps, go back and see if your version is correct ...
But in your situation surely you are just looking for confirmation as to what he is upto...come on are you really that "needy"...trust me you will never ever feel you can trust him every again. Those gaps if you keep rethinking them will devour your life and all your energy...Once resentment sets in there's no looking at him.im the same way..
Walk now or you will be in your 50's and hating the guy...,not for his actions now , his lies his denial of what he is. Hes in a position of trust by many parents of young girls or boys, you never elaborated...but you'll be resentful of what you have wasted on him, who you'd be without him and mostly years wasted and what you'd be if you'd walked and LISTENED TO YOUR INSTINCT.
Ask him to marry you see his reaction. If he says yes right away he thinks youve ignored what you've seen and KNOW...do it on the cheap...divorce him...it seems like you are a little hung up on his job and intellect ...he's no better than anyone else that will love you and even Respect you, he's no good girl, never will be

SmileyClare · 21/07/2024 02:07

Not sure why this guy is being condemned as a porn addict who shouldn’t be working at universities?

Based on what?
Low sex drive ? - plenty of reasons for that
Multiple devices?- normal if working in IT for various universities
Clicking on a website that featured his name and ending up on a porn site? doesn’t happen unless you’ve named a sex hub after yourself.

Hididi11 · 21/07/2024 15:49

I was finding a place for lunch whilst at work.
I googled the only cafe in the village and a porn site came up that was blocked by work.
Turns out that hackers can hijack site and turn them to porn sites.
The poor couple who own the cafe had no clue at all.
I think you came on too strong unless there are lots of other details you haven't mentioned.

Have you considered that he doesn't really have much of a sex drive and his academic work is more rewarding to him??
There are people on earth who are more turned on by research and their careers Vs sex itself.

Maybe he has a set goal in mind he trying to persuade. Maybe his purpose in life is just to be some great academic researcher.

Also, it's worth seeking help from a doctor.
Many reasons for a low sex drive ...low thyroid etc. Pr is he just too busy on his new goal that he can't multitask well.

Some people, especially those who maybe very slightly bipolar have spurts of episodes which are manic in which they can literally do a project in 6 months that would take 3 years normally. During the manic phase, they are high on adrenaline. They can't sleep and all they can think about is their project. They will literally not be able to give time to themselves or family or friends. I'm talking about 10 hours a day everyday or more. The manic phase can last from days to months or in some cases years.

I talk from experience. When I did my a levels I would literally be waiting for the manic phase to hit me. I failed my as levels and knew that I could still pass my a levels.
Luckily second year of sixth form in the Jan I resat the whole of the first year (3 as levels and my a levels Jan exams)
I got full marks. The teacher couldn't believe it.
It was manic phase from sept to Jan. I studied 16 hours a day. I would wake up at 4am and study till 8am. Go college. Whilst in lessons or walking I would always be revising in my head. I could not switch off. I would shower going over my notes in my head. I would study after college till about 10pm and then sleep.
I had no time for parents,family and literally made no friends in college.
When I got my results I basically had a b in everything without the last two a level exams.

Unfortunately the manic phase ended once my results were out.
And I skipped school and just slept

The human mind is weird.

SmileyClare · 21/07/2024 19:38

Hididi11 · 21/07/2024 15:49

I was finding a place for lunch whilst at work.
I googled the only cafe in the village and a porn site came up that was blocked by work.
Turns out that hackers can hijack site and turn them to porn sites.
The poor couple who own the cafe had no clue at all.
I think you came on too strong unless there are lots of other details you haven't mentioned.

Have you considered that he doesn't really have much of a sex drive and his academic work is more rewarding to him??
There are people on earth who are more turned on by research and their careers Vs sex itself.

Maybe he has a set goal in mind he trying to persuade. Maybe his purpose in life is just to be some great academic researcher.

Also, it's worth seeking help from a doctor.
Many reasons for a low sex drive ...low thyroid etc. Pr is he just too busy on his new goal that he can't multitask well.

Some people, especially those who maybe very slightly bipolar have spurts of episodes which are manic in which they can literally do a project in 6 months that would take 3 years normally. During the manic phase, they are high on adrenaline. They can't sleep and all they can think about is their project. They will literally not be able to give time to themselves or family or friends. I'm talking about 10 hours a day everyday or more. The manic phase can last from days to months or in some cases years.

I talk from experience. When I did my a levels I would literally be waiting for the manic phase to hit me. I failed my as levels and knew that I could still pass my a levels.
Luckily second year of sixth form in the Jan I resat the whole of the first year (3 as levels and my a levels Jan exams)
I got full marks. The teacher couldn't believe it.
It was manic phase from sept to Jan. I studied 16 hours a day. I would wake up at 4am and study till 8am. Go college. Whilst in lessons or walking I would always be revising in my head. I could not switch off. I would shower going over my notes in my head. I would study after college till about 10pm and then sleep.
I had no time for parents,family and literally made no friends in college.
When I got my results I basically had a b in everything without the last two a level exams.

Unfortunately the manic phase ended once my results were out.
And I skipped school and just slept

The human mind is weird.

I think this is a far more balanced response. than the Ew he’s a disgusting porn addict comments.
It’s fairly likely you inadvertently clicked a virusy porn pop up.

Libido issues or sexual dysfunction can cause massive issues and it’s common to conclude your partner doesn’t find you attractive, is gay, a porn addict or is cheating because you feel rejected.

It needs addressing - your feelings are important and he’s been open about his lack of sex drive. You might need reassurance- he might be prepared to see his gp or find other ways to be intimate or you might decide the relationship isn’t for you.

Im not surprised confronting him with accusations of porn use didn’t go down well. There really is no evidence of that.