Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DH forcing affection during an argument

81 replies

XMissPlacedX · 12/07/2024 19:30

DH (44) and I (40) have been together 7 years, married for 5. He has never been violent or threatening towards me and is generally very loving.

Last night during a reasonably heated disagreement dh turned towards me, held out his arms and walked towards me to give me a hug, I told him not to touch me.

He continued to walk towards me and tried to put his arms around me and I told him to take his hands off me, he wouldn’t.

He continued to try and hug me despite me repeating over and over again ( each time getting louder) , in the end I must have asked him a minimum of 15 times to take his hands off me
before he finally let go of me …
Oh but not before saying I was ‘ mental for shouting so loud and making something out of nothing ‘

What do you think he was trying to achieve by ignoring my request ?

OP posts:

Catoo · 13/07/2024 11:50

AutumnFroglets · 13/07/2024 11:44

but maybe not any furniture until dh can release the £10k
Hopefully he will but plan for him not giving it. Was it ringfenced legally or could it be decided it was a gift instead, ie what proof do you have for reclaiming it.

As for furniture - lots of charity shops or second hand/antique shops have good quality furniture, or try your local auction house. Or venture into the weirdness of Freecyle and Facebook.

Pots and Pans or soft furnishings - Home Bargins, B&M or The Range have decent stuff.

You don't need brand new to create a home. A home is you and your DD together.

However, I do think you need to be careful in telling him you are leaving and why. Definitely wait until you are out of the house so he can't physically block you. Good luck, and I wish you the strength you need

They are married.

I would think he would consider himself lucky to just have to give back the £10k unless he had some amazing prenup in place? Which is possible I guess.

AutumnFroglets · 13/07/2024 11:57

Sorry @Catoo , been reading so many DP threads lately that I'm automatically reading unmarried sighs Yes, she's probably entitled to more than her 10K by now.

BigAnne · 13/07/2024 12:09

@XMissPlacedX plus interest. Good luck to you and your daughter x

AcrossthePond55 · 13/07/2024 14:42

XMissPlacedX · 13/07/2024 09:28

@Julyshouldbesunny I'm praying it won't be as that's the bit that will make mine and dd's new house a 'home' ( furniture etc).

I really don't think he is the kind of person that would keep it from me, we always agreed that if we ever split I would have it back.

I hate to kill the buzz, but remember that people can be unpredictable. They can turn nasty when they realize their comfy life is being turned upside down and they blame the other person rather than acknowledge that it's their own behaviour that has caused the breakup. So 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst' unless you have some sort of written agreement/written communications.

Just get your ducks in a row, speak to your parents if you haven't already, and be ready to walk out the door before you tell him that it's over.

Just remembered, you're married. I'd suggest you speak to a solicitor right away regarding your financial rights. If he had the home before your marriage and your name isn't on it that may muddy the waters as far as your rights to any cash from it. A solicitor is the best placed to tell you what your rights are and to advise you as to the best possible route to attain what you want.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/07/2024 14:48

Good luck OP. I’m so glad you’re taking these steps to remove yourself and your daughter.

duende · 13/07/2024 17:26

XMissPlacedX · 12/07/2024 20:26

Thankyou everyone for your understanding and kind words. I just wanted other peoples perspectives to make sure I wasn't over reacting, I know I'm not now.

Op, I just want to say you come across as a very strong woman, aware of your boundaries, values, needs.

I wish more of us were this decisive and quick when subjected to abuse or toxic behaviour although I appreciate this is likely due to traumatic experiences you have already been through :(

I am so sorry this has happened, but good on you for putting your daughter and yourself first. Good luck, we will be cheering you on.

Flip

1 2 3 4