Confused over partners art around unprotected sex

[Peaches2566]

So for context: we are currently sorting out moving from our separate properties, to be together. I have two children from a previous relationship he has non. I am 32 he is 52. The age gap is a non issue, he is a wonderful partner, my kids adore him, and he does them. All good. We have discussed in the near future we would love to have a child together and we are currently in the process of securing a 4 bed house. Here's where his behavior has thrown me off.

I recently had to come off of my birth control pill to take other medicine. I obviously let him know as soon as possible to which he replied "you know what, I absolutely am not worried at this point" and we proceeded to have unprotected sex for two weeks. I decided to ask him if when I have finished my medication if I should stay off the pill for good just to be clear. To which he said, actually I think you should go back on it until the house is sorted. I was heartbroken but ultimately can see he has approached this with logic, I said I had two weeks left off my pill to get my period and I would go back on it, he said to be sensible we should use condoms.

However that isn't what happened and we carried on. I am now able to go back on my pill so today I clarified with him again that tonight I can start taking my pill again if that's what we both wanted, I did express a bit of concern that I personally didn't want to as I'd had some issues with it but if we were definitely holding off on a baby I would absolutely take it.

He responded telling me he felt due to my health wasn't worth it and that we could discuss alternatives. He already knows that other than condoms the pill is the best option for me. I already know he is not going to bother with condoms.

He is usually a fantastic communicator and a sensible logical man but in this instance he seems to just want to play fuck around and find out? I have tried to be open and honest about my BC at all times and want to make sure we are on the same page. He seems to not be bothered about it, and I think if I didn't go back on it he wouldn't have cared and would just carry on. I know he wouldn't be upset with pregnancy and wants it, so I don't understand why he cant just say "yes please go back on it" or "nope come off it I'm open to a pregnancy"

I'm going to speak with him about this obviously but to be armed with insight and an open might would be great.

He sounds like the type of man who uses abortion as birth control.

He doesn't want a baby and he doesn't want to use contraceptives. Therefore if you get pregnant it's up to you to sort it out.

He sounds nasty. Run OP, run!

What makes you believe he wants a baby? Has he wanted one for a long time - that is, long before he met you? Why has he not had one already? Does he understand how hard it is to care for an infant, how much life will change? Does he have any experience with babies (being great with your no-longer-baby children as a frequent visitor with no formal responsibility for them is absolutely no indicator of how enthusiastic he'll be to do half of the very hard work of caring for a newborn, or to adapt proactively to the changes that will bring when he's had 30+ years as a childfree adult.

Don't get pregnant with him unless you yourself truly want another child and are prepared to and can afford to raise that child on your own.

Easy test. Say "I'm pregnant" and gauge the reaction.

This 100%

No glove, no love should be your mantra now OP.

OP I don’t think this man actually does want a baby with you. I think he knows at your age you want one, but doesn’t want to lose you, so is saying the right things to keep you there but really he’s just stringing you along and putting it off isn’t he? You say the age gap isn’t an issue but it is because you both want different things.

its not that he cares about your health. It’s simply that he likes the feel of having sex without a condom. If you get pregnant he will suggest an abortion and tell you that you’ll both try at another time.

regardless of the above, why are you allowing a man to make the decision about your health and contraception?!
you’re a grown woman, take control. If the pill doesn’t agree with you then don’t go on it and simply insist on condoms - he will either agree to use them or he won’t.

The OP seems so passive in all this, it all seems to be his decision about whether they use contraception, whether it’s a sensible time to have another child etc. What do YOU think OP? I never left contraception to my partner, the decision was never his as it was my body if I did get pregnant. I really worry that the OP is just too subservient to this new partner.