Confused over partners art around unprotected sex

[Peaches2566]

So for context: we are currently sorting out moving from our separate properties, to be together. I have two children from a previous relationship he has non. I am 32 he is 52. The age gap is a non issue, he is a wonderful partner, my kids adore him, and he does them. All good. We have discussed in the near future we would love to have a child together and we are currently in the process of securing a 4 bed house. Here's where his behavior has thrown me off.

I recently had to come off of my birth control pill to take other medicine. I obviously let him know as soon as possible to which he replied "you know what, I absolutely am not worried at this point" and we proceeded to have unprotected sex for two weeks. I decided to ask him if when I have finished my medication if I should stay off the pill for good just to be clear. To which he said, actually I think you should go back on it until the house is sorted. I was heartbroken but ultimately can see he has approached this with logic, I said I had two weeks left off my pill to get my period and I would go back on it, he said to be sensible we should use condoms.

However that isn't what happened and we carried on. I am now able to go back on my pill so today I clarified with him again that tonight I can start taking my pill again if that's what we both wanted, I did express a bit of concern that I personally didn't want to as I'd had some issues with it but if we were definitely holding off on a baby I would absolutely take it.

He responded telling me he felt due to my health wasn't worth it and that we could discuss alternatives. He already knows that other than condoms the pill is the best option for me. I already know he is not going to bother with condoms.

He is usually a fantastic communicator and a sensible logical man but in this instance he seems to just want to play fuck around and find out? I have tried to be open and honest about my BC at all times and want to make sure we are on the same page. He seems to not be bothered about it, and I think if I didn't go back on it he wouldn't have cared and would just carry on. I know he wouldn't be upset with pregnancy and wants it, so I don't understand why he cant just say "yes please go back on it" or "nope come off it I'm open to a pregnancy"

I'm going to speak with him about this obviously but to be armed with insight and an open might would be great.

Some older guys seems to have this attitude. This issue. He sounds like he wants to not think and lay responsibility at your feet. I think the age gap IS an issue (and I’ve had one, albeit 10 years) in this case.

This is a man, who if you get pregnant will tell you to abort and you can try again at a later date OP.

He likes going bareback. That's all.

You're making a mistake living together, however I feel this is something you'll have to find out on your own

This is excellent advice OP. You don't really know someone until you have lived with them.

“DrinkFeckArseBrick · Today 22:48
Hi OP I know this wasn't the question but have you actually lived together yet? If not, surely it's best to sort house, sort finances, and see how it goes living as a blended family in the same house, before even considering getting pregnant? Even if he was fine with it and wanted a baby, that doesn't mean it's a good idea at this stage.”

This with bells on. His carelessness about a possible pregnancy is irresponsible and not a very good sign. He’s not taking proper responsibility - he just can’t be arsed with condoms.

I misread. I thought OP said he had one but I think she meant “none”.

The fact that he’s reached 52 without having fathered a child makes me even more certain that he doesn’t want to have a baby.

The OP said

have discussed in the near future we would love to have a child together

So when your mutual child is twenty, he will be at least 73. Hurrah, that will be nice.

Oh, it looks like the OP is having us all on.

In one recent post (from April) she’s only been with him since the start of this year but she’s homeless and has just had to leave her marital home.

Another post from a month ago about how much her tweenage daughter doesn’t want to be around this man.

A fantasist, it seems.

And if she is being truthful, her poor children will have seen the breakup of their parents’ marriage, had to leave their home, lived with their grandmother, became homeless and been introduced to a new boyfriend- all within a year.

Absolute best thing to do for these children now is to move them in with a man they barely know, and add a baby to the mix.

He's had the snip. That would certainly cause a casual approach to contraception.

@DonnaDonnaChang
Oh that's bloody annoying if this OP is a fake 🤨
You can't delve into this on the App.

Hiding this crap thread Anyway now.

Why are you wasting time with this entitled fucking bastard, if he refuses to use condoms tell him to stick his cock into another woman who doesn't mind getting Chlamydia or dying of AIDS, what a selfish piece of shit. Or insist he has a full STD check and he shows you the printed out results.

So he will be 60 when the child is 8? The age gap is a massive issue for future children

OP, 52 is very old to become a dad. You're going to end up doing all the heavy lifting here.

Also, what's your financial situation? Can you be fully financially responsible for three kids if the relationship fails? Because you have a massive age gap and a man who can't think through consequences.

OP, do you want a baby? Will you still want a baby if this man buggers off? As a woman who will be tbe one getting pregnant and possibly left with another child, you have to be clear about you want and if that's not a baby, you need to be saying 'I'm going back on the pill' or 'I won't be having sex with you without a condom'.

Rein it in OP.

You need to prioritise your two DC and why on earth would you put that at risk for another baby with a 52 year old.

He sounds entitled to me. And of course he's not bothered, he can duck out and literally leave you holding the baby.

Tell him to have a vasectomy.
Keep your career going.
Too many unreasonable risks in your situation.

You haven’t even lived together yet. 😳
This has disaster written all over it. When you’re his age he’ll be 70 something. He just sounds like an idiot to be honest.

Look after yourself you don’t want a baby you’ve offered to go back in the pill so you sound comfortable with going back on the pill
why piss about and risk a pregnancy

The age gap is relevant.

When you were 7/8 would you have wanted a 60 year old Dad? Expect him to be a very hands off parent.

The age gap isn't an issue now but it absolutely will be.

My experience- the father of my children is 17 years older than me, the gap wasn't an issue at your age, by the time I was 40 and he almost 60 his health and vitality took a nose dive - life catches up with you, it made him selfish. Aging isn't apparent now , don't dismiss the gap so lightly. I wish my boys had a younger dad, they are teenagers, he burdens them with his health. The relationship ended 10 years ago, he is 70 now, he helps with lifts.

OP - you say you've come off the pill to take other medication? What medication exactly? Because I've never had to come off contraceptive whilst taking other meds? Or is it because you want to try to get pregnant....?

Oh for god sake. If this is true OP, grow the hell up.

yes absolutely, this is likely to be nonsense.

Wow, this is diabolical, @Peaches2566

Go back on the pill
Live together for a few years to see if you want to have a baby in the future.

I don't understand why adults can't communicate clearly about whether they want to try for a baby or not.

"DP, I would like to have a baby. Do you want to have a baby? If you want to have a baby and I want to have a baby then let's stop using contraception. If you don't want a baby then we will need to use contraception. I would like you to take responsibility for this and use condoms."