DH looks through my personal things

[MeganM3]

Wanted to put this in AIBU but wasn’t brave enough.

My husband and I have been together a long time, we are mid 30s. He is still attracted to me. I’m not so sexually attracted to him any more. Mostly because life is so busy with kids and I’m tired. He hasn’t aged well physically so I’m not sure if there’s also a physical reason I’m not so interested in sex with him. We do it a couple of times a month, and I give him hand relief once a week usually. I’m happy for him to masturbate, it’s normal. This is the AIBU… he thinks he is entitled to know about everything I’m doing sexually because he is my H. He looks through my drawer to check if I’ve had my vibrator out, or used any toys. He will then ask when and want to hear about it. I want to keep it private. I think he checks quite a lot. Tbh I want to throw my vibrator away because of this. I feel uncomfortable with my things being gone through. But by vibe is the only sexual pleasure I actually get. I feel like crap.

You need to get a second one and hide it somewhere he doesnt look.

But to address the issue, hes probably affronted that you enjoy orgasms but not so much sex with him. But YANBU, he might ask from time to time but shouldnt be constantly checking the whereabouts of your vibe.

It might turn him on.. wanting to know when you used it etc

Move it?
Put it away exactly the same each time and repeatedly tell him you haven’t bothered so he stops asking?

Im assuming he’s feeling miffed that you are happy to pleasure yourself, rather than have more sex with him, but I totally get it. Giving yourself a quick orgasm is a whole lot different to having full on sex, especially if you aren’t feeling sexually attracted to him and are really knackered anyway.

Ew ew ew instant ick

Jesus. He sounds horrible.
FFS tell him to fuck off next time he asks.

Grey rock 'I want to keep some things for myself as I spend all day long attending to everyone else's needs' and repeat.
Is this a bigger issue though, how old are the kids, does he do his fair share?

Yes I think it is a turn on for him, he wants to hear about it when he's horny. But it's really a turn off for me when he asks and wants me to give information. The ick would be how I'd describe it. I feel snooped on

Your problem is not your sex life, its your relationship.

Vibing alone is selfish tho

WTAF? Are men not allowed to wank?

Hrm in that case be glad he's still talking to you about it rather than turning to porn instead. He does want to be involved and perhaps doesnt see why you no longer find him sexually attractive. There must be a way back for you both, I hope.

Not making your wife orgasm but expecting her to wank you off once a week is also selfish but that's apparently acceptable.

Yeah he isn’t the problem - he still finds you attractive (how dare he!) You’ve gone off him. The problem is your relationship not him going through your personal things.

In my books, No. that's selfish too. I won't be concerned if my partner was wanking without me

Who's a what now?

It's selfish but you won't be concerned???

@Crab770 you're so obviously a disgruntled man

Sounds like your using him for resources and don't actually love him. He is convenient. He will eventually find a woman to love him and leave.

My bet is surrendered wife with cultural hang-ups about sex.

This relationship is dead in the water.

My eyes rolled back so far I can see my brain.