DH looks through my personal things

[MeganM3]

Wanted to put this in AIBU but wasn’t brave enough.

My husband and I have been together a long time, we are mid 30s. He is still attracted to me. I’m not so sexually attracted to him any more. Mostly because life is so busy with kids and I’m tired. He hasn’t aged well physically so I’m not sure if there’s also a physical reason I’m not so interested in sex with him. We do it a couple of times a month, and I give him hand relief once a week usually. I’m happy for him to masturbate, it’s normal. This is the AIBU… he thinks he is entitled to know about everything I’m doing sexually because he is my H. He looks through my drawer to check if I’ve had my vibrator out, or used any toys. He will then ask when and want to hear about it. I want to keep it private. I think he checks quite a lot. Tbh I want to throw my vibrator away because of this. I feel uncomfortable with my things being gone through. But by vibe is the only sexual pleasure I actually get. I feel like crap.

Have you told him how uncomfortable you are discussing it?

I would just say no, I haven’t used it. Stop going through my things please. - Every time until he gets the hint.

I do think you need to have an honest conversation about your lack of attraction/sex drive for him if you have a hope of salvaging your marriage. That might include you honestly telling him you find his prying into your masturbation an absolute turn off.

Of course you can (and should imo) have privacy within a marriage. You share some things and not others, depending on how the individuals involved have decided they want it to be. And that applies for everything not just sexual.

I wouldn't go rooting through my DH's drawers and neither would he mine. I would ask him to grab something for me from my drawers if he was next to them. You can have a transparent relationship that involves privacy for both parties. That's respect, not a situationship.

He’s behaving like an incel but I do think it’s a misguided attempt to keep a spark in your sex life. He knows you are more turned on by your vibrator so he’s trying to be part of that (in an incredibly boorish way).

You need to have an honest conversation about your sex drive as at the moment you are sexually mismatched.

Nah. Married 18 years, mostly happily with an occasional rough patch and my husband and I enjoy privacy as two separate people as well as share bedroom, make out, and do life together. In fact, had we not had our personal privacy, we’d definitely be divorced by now. Not everyone sees marriage as an opting out of personal privacy. Thankfully.

Women are definitely designed for vibrators, no matter what the MRAs say here

This guy sounds so creepy, I would feel so uncomfortable in my own home with him around.