50+ partner inappropriate behaviour

[Gingemermaid]

Hi,

am I being OTT here? Recently I attended a funeral with my Boyfroend of 5 years and was introduced a branch of the family I hadn’t met before. They were lovely people and over a few days we visited them a few times. However there was a 14 year old girl there who was rather precocious and attention seeking ( I thought she was 16 at first … but it became apparent she was much younger) … think crop tops belly button piercings . She attached herself to us thd time we were there and my partner and her had a rapport going that I felt quite uncomfortable with. Teasing and language and innuendos inappropriate for a child. I mentioned it to him and he said I was delusional but I’ve already had words in the past about him sharing a hot tub ( his ) with his daughter and her friend (21 year olds) who are both special needs.

i just think he is putting himself in a vulnerable position and feel really uncomfortable with if ….

my daughter was abused by an uncle at 16 ( who I trusted) so maybe I’m over reacting?

Either you think your partner is a pedophile and sexual predator (in which case why are you with him), or you don’t.

I have shared a hot tub with my father many atimes and didn’t think anything of it.
I think your past has warped you.

You were there, we werent so its hard to advise unless you want to tell us more about what he said/did that was uncomfortable.

She wore a crop top and had her belly out at a funeral??

yeah creepy old man vibes. Ick

No, she said she visited family over a few days so that would not have been at the actual funeral.

Depending on what you mean by special needs, being in the hot tub could even have been a safety thing, and I have been in hottubs with various people including my kids friends with nothing bad happening.

My language and teasing with my kids is probably inappropriate for some people but it's a laugh for all of us. It does sound like you are possibly not matched perfectly in that respect or are just over reacting

I'm with you OP. I think your instincts are telling you something is wrong here.

Watch him.

How old is your dd now?

The hot tub I wouldn’t have been so concerned about. His daughter’s and friend’s special needs could have meant they needed extra supervision for safety. But the type of conversation you describe with a 14 year old doesn’t sound appropriate. I’m surprised he can’t see that could easily be misconstrued, putting him in a vulnerable position and the fact he’s put it back into you — that you’re overreacting- would make me suspicious. It has creep ‘ in plain sight’ vibes.

I'd need more context here. It could be possible that you are being hypervigilant due to your own experiences traumatising you...
Or it could be possible he's genuinely creepy.
Personally I don't see any evidence in what you've written that he is creepy.
Sharing a hottub with your daughter is completely normal I don't understand why you would find that wierd?

The chatting with the young girl at the family event...
What strikes me is that you don't actually put anything specific he was saying, however you talk about her appearance in detail and that you originally thought she was older than she was...

To me this comes across as you being quite anxious about how everything might be perceived rather than concern over his motives?

Obviously I don't know him so I don't know for sure he isn't a creepy lech.. but from what you've written it does just come across more like you are being over anxious

She’s 22 now but I have a 14 year old and a 7 year old.

yes that’s right she was dressed appropriately for a funeral

Teasing and language and innuendos inappropriate for a child.

It's difficult to judge OP. Can you give an example of the innuendos and language?

No in the hot tub they are drinking and the conversations are about “boys” virginity and involve truth or dare games. The girls are early 20s but are more like the maturity of young teenagers :-/

Why are you with him if you think he is a paedophile and an incestuous one at that?

You trust yourself in this situation op.
It felt off because it was off.
He is minimising.

It doesn't matter how the young girl was dressed, your dp as the adult in the situation should not be behaving like that with a child.

I would have a massive issue with it if my dh ever behaved this way.
Even the fact that was your first instinct (usually right) gives you the answer here. Too many people overlook the obvious.

And I do find this kind of thing very creepy.

Another gross man.

Yeah. Watch him.

Yeah. Watch him.

Or better still leave him.

Stop blaming the 14 year old child for your partners behavior.

If you think he is being creepy and weird, the do something about it.

This is not the fault of a child.

I’m not blaming anyone ! I’m asking for am opinion and giving a description. Some girls that age are attention seeking and overly flirtatious but it should be shut down no encouraged by a 50+ male …. In my opinion. But I only have my experiences to go on ….
he said she is just practicing flirting on a safe male….
personally I find it very very uncomfortable!

No I don’t ! I just think he should be more aware of his behaviour around young women and that it looks dodgy and makes me uncomfortable considering what happened to my daughter.

but I’ve told him and he said that I’m delusional.

The op said he got in the hot tub with his dd AND her friend, who both have sn. I'd say most fathers wouldn't dream of getting in a hot tub with one of their dds friends.

Op.. yanbu

He has said that you're 'delusional', well he is hardly going to agree with you that he is a creepy perve.

he said she is just practicing flirting on a safe male….

This is sick

I can't tell you how fast I'd be running from this guy op. Don't let other posters here tell you you're overreacting. Don't ignore your instincts

I agree with you, a mature man should immediately shut down flirting attempts from a child.

Men who engage in flirtatious “banter” with children are a worry.

For example we were in the car and there were two ducks at the side of the road mating and he said to her “ look that ducks being raped !”

my stomach lurched at that !

I told him the word rape isn’t something you had infront of a child !