50+ partner inappropriate behaviour

[Gingemermaid]

Hi,

am I being OTT here? Recently I attended a funeral with my Boyfroend of 5 years and was introduced a branch of the family I hadn’t met before. They were lovely people and over a few days we visited them a few times. However there was a 14 year old girl there who was rather precocious and attention seeking ( I thought she was 16 at first … but it became apparent she was much younger) … think crop tops belly button piercings . She attached herself to us thd time we were there and my partner and her had a rapport going that I felt quite uncomfortable with. Teasing and language and innuendos inappropriate for a child. I mentioned it to him and he said I was delusional but I’ve already had words in the past about him sharing a hot tub ( his ) with his daughter and her friend (21 year olds) who are both special needs.

i just think he is putting himself in a vulnerable position and feel really uncomfortable with if ….

my daughter was abused by an uncle at 16 ( who I trusted) so maybe I’m over reacting?

He's in his 50s and he sits in a hot tub with his daughter and her friends, who have the emotional/intellectual maturity of 13-year-olds, talking about losing virginity and playing Truth Or Dare?

Yeah, that's fucking gross.

And yes, absolutely some teenage girls do flirt or try to act grown-up around 'safe' men, but as PPs have said - the appropriate thing to do is shut it down, not encourage it. Most men in their 50s would feel incredibly awkward about a 14-year-old behaving like that around them and wouldn't be engaging with it. He's old enough to be her grandfather.

'Jokes' that reference rape are fucking disgusting in any context, let alone in the company of a young teenager.

The thing is, even if all this was completely innocent which it isn't, it obviously makes you really, really uncomfortable, so why haven't you dumped him? You really don't have to put up with behaviour that makes your skin crawl, you know, even if he says it's all fine. It might be fine for him, but it isn't fine for you, and therefore you should end it with him.

You have a teenage daughter. I'll be brutally honest: if I had a daughter that age, I wouldn't let your partner anywhere near her in a million years.

The more you write the more I think it’s creepy behaviour, and he’s trying to cover it, pass it off as ok by being in plain sight.
Id definitely be keeping any children of mine as far away from him as possible. I couldn’t be with a man who thought and behaved like he does.

Yes he drinks a lot too :-(

the way he speaks to me when he’s been drinking is pretty awful too.
yesterday he said “there are only two conversations you can have with a woman…, and neither of them make any sense “ He wasn’t joking either !
I keep thinking I’m missing something … that is me who’s over reacting …
Another of his favourites at the moment is “ You say you are an intelligent woman with two degrees but you aren’t making any sense” “Your behaviour is retarded”
( considering his daughter is on the spectrum It is not a word I would EVER consider using ) . :-(

I’ve been in an on off relationship with this guy for 5 years … I keep hoping he will recognise his behaviour for what it is but it’s getting worse. Just have to pluck up the courage to walk away .

It is hard to fathom op, I agree with him there, I mean why are you with him, at some point you bear a responsibility for your own choices.

He sounds awful op. Not a good guy. Do yourself and your DC a favour and end it.

With this added info he does sound awful.
OP you need to leave him.
He called you retarded? That's disgusting..
I don't know if he's really a paedo but he's definitely disgusting and abusive to you.
Just leave him.

I keep hoping he will recognise his behaviour for what it is

@Gingemermaid, this man is absolutely not going to change. He’s not going to wake up one morning and think “Hmmm, maybe I really AM a misogynist paedo who hates women”. He’s just not.

You have kids. Even if you were to set aside that this 50-something man flirts with 14-year-olds and talks about losing virginity with his daughter and her friends who have special needs, why the hell would you have a man who openly hates women anywhere near your own daughters? Seriously, WTF? He’s a creepy, misogynist, abusive man. Stop being so bloody passive. You’ve been ‘on and off’ so you don’t need to break new ground in order to be ‘off’ again. Get rid of him. He’s a predatory, abusive wanker.

Thats really inappropriate

Hopefully, having written all this down you're finally realising there's nothing wrong with you and he's an absolutely disgusting specimen.
What's stopping you from walking away?

You ate grossly underreacting.

I agree with the above posters. His behaviour is completely inappropriate and it's not ok for him to talk to you the way he does.
This insta account is really great for thinking about safeguarding, but honestly your guy dies not need the level of subtlety that this account provides. Might be of interest for the future/in any case

www.instagram.com/jamylecannon?igsh=NmhnemdoaGJhMTd2

Yes you do, you are under reacting to all of this op probably because of your past. There are red flags stitched on all over this repulsive man. You do not have to put up with this low life, he is creepy and inappropriate and one day you may really really wish you had taken this moment to leave when you were able to.

We have junctions in life, and we are offered choices. This is yours now, you have two paths and one leads to respect, decency and a wholesome life and the other leads you to abuse, dirty seedy secrets, possibly legal issues and a man you can not trust as far as you can throw him. Do not give him the veneer of decency by staying with him. Leave him and be brutally honest about why.

Walk away with your dignity and find a man worthy of your time and love.