50+ partner inappropriate behaviour

[Gingemermaid]

Hi,

am I being OTT here? Recently I attended a funeral with my Boyfroend of 5 years and was introduced a branch of the family I hadn’t met before. They were lovely people and over a few days we visited them a few times. However there was a 14 year old girl there who was rather precocious and attention seeking ( I thought she was 16 at first … but it became apparent she was much younger) … think crop tops belly button piercings . She attached herself to us thd time we were there and my partner and her had a rapport going that I felt quite uncomfortable with. Teasing and language and innuendos inappropriate for a child. I mentioned it to him and he said I was delusional but I’ve already had words in the past about him sharing a hot tub ( his ) with his daughter and her friend (21 year olds) who are both special needs.

i just think he is putting himself in a vulnerable position and feel really uncomfortable with if ….

my daughter was abused by an uncle at 16 ( who I trusted) so maybe I’m over reacting?

Your language is making me feel uncomfortable.

I don't understand why you mentioned that the child was in crop tops or had a piercing. I don't understand what her being precocious has to do with anything, now you're saying she's flirting with a 50 year old. You're saying he flirted back...

She's a child OP. She's in no way responsible for some middle aged man's behaviour. You really need to have a word with yourself.

If you believe he was acting in an inappropriate way with a child and was flirting with his own daughter then dump him.

Oh no...just saw this. Please please protect your DC. I'd be ending the relationship. If you won't do this then never ever leave your DC alone with him

I'd have left him for this comment alone.

That comment about the ducks is gross. Why did that even enter his head and why would he say it to a young girl? Nope not the type of man I would want to be with.

Do your children and yourself a favour Op and get rid of him, he really is horrible.

You describe her as flirting with him. Was she really? When I was 14 I just had absolutely no interest in men aged 50 plus (or 30 plus!). They all just seemed ancient to me. My DD is about to turn 14 and the thought of her flirting with a 50 year old man just blows my mind. Are you sure she wasn't just having a laugh?
It's hard to say how inappropriate this was. If your partner was genuinely flirting with her and making sexual references then yes that's awful and inappropriate and I'd end the relationship. However, if they were just getting on well and having a bit of banter then it's probably nothing. I get on well with teenagers and will be quite jokey with them.
As for the hot tub - doesn't sound great if they talking sexually.

Trust your gut.
Trust your gut.
Trust your gut.
Better to leave him and find out you were wrong, than to stay with him and find out you were wrong.

Hot tubs in themselves, a bit odd, I wouldn't want my dad getting in with my friend, and the banter was totally inappropriate.

There's no 'safe flirting' with young women, again totally inappropriate behaviour, in fact, putting a stop to it and asking them about their favourite subject at school is exactly what you should do.

I think your instincts that he's off around young women are right OP, sorry.

Trust your instincts. Don’t stay in a relationship that you feel uneasy about in anyway.

I was in two minds till you mentioned the rape comment — ugh. Maybe he is just socially inept and doesn’t understand how to talk to children and teens. In that case he needs to learn, or keep away from them.

So he made the duck rape comment in front of your children?! The 14 year old and 7 year old? That's horrible.

Creepy nonce, sorry.

Please trust your gut on this. The fact that he isn't horrified that he might gave come across as inappropriate and tells you you're overreacting sounds worrying.

She’s a child not a young woman.

yes he should not have made the duck joke.

im struggling if you’re jealous and that’s the main issue, or he really is a paedophile. I can’t understand if you think it’s thr latter why you’ve not binned him off. I don’t like your comment she was flirting with him, I struggle to beleive this is true, more that’s how you perceived it, which makes me wonder if jealousy here is at the core, but I struggle to accept that as being jealous over a child is a level of sickness that needs addressed.

You're right to find it uncomfortable.
It's totally unacceptable.
His mindset is flawed.
I suggest you leave and take your young children away from him.

OP really doesn’t need to have a word with herself … the crop tops and piercings comment was to show the girl appeared older than her actual age of 14 - nothing to do with OP blaming her for anything. OP has in fact, said she finds her dp behaviour inappropriate.

The rape comment is disgusting, and the flirting one.

Genuinely LTB

So he drinks and has conversations about boys, their virginity and plays truth or dare games with his 21 year old daughter and her friends he "jokes" about ducks being raped and he allows a 14 year old child to practice "safe flirting" with him? Is that all correct @Gingemermaid ?

Sorry didn't meant to quote the entire OP on my last post 😐

ALWAYS go with your gut.It doesnt have to make sense/find reasoning. "he said she was practicing flirting with a "safe male"."?!!! shoosht!
You are NOT delusional. Hes ridiculous .
How the hell would she know a safe 50+ from a predator then? Could argue your partner engaging in flirting with any female in your company is disrespectful.What lessons that teaching exactly.
Its perfectly acceptable for two people to instantly click-any age at all,perhaps hit it off with a familiarity that exceeds time knowm,she sense of humour,relax in company.NOT when boundaries re crossed. NO 50+mle is a voluntary safe male to flirt with child. you know this.
The duck rape comment is horrific. neither funny nor inuendo.
@Myblindsaredown jealous? Says kids precocious /older than years. No hint of dislike for the child.entire query is is her perception of her partner ott. ?

A child is not responsible for the behaviour of an adult. It doesn't matter what she was wearing or how she appeared. She was 14 years old. She's not a young woman and she's not flirting with some old lech.

You’re clearly misunderstanding as no one is saying the girl is responsible …..

The overall picture is looking inappropriate.

Hot tub okay, those topics of conversation not okay.

I agree with him that teenage girls do sometimes sort of practice flirting with safe men, but the safe man is supposed to shut it down, not flirt/banter back. That's why they're safe.

Duck sex is brutal, yes, but weird to comment on it like that to a child.

ick! get a clare's law check done as well, but id get rid

I was thinking this exact same thing.