dirty house

[ohdearymeeewhy]

Met a nice man a fortnight ago. Good job, good looking went ack to his house tonight on our third date. It was filthy, think grime everywhere, bathroom putrid. I'm gutted

Eewww. That would be a hard no for me.

Bin.

Get a taxi home

That's the end.

Not ultimately a red flag for me if he's a nice guy. He can be trained. Maybe he's just never been taught by his parents.

Run like the fucking wind.

What you see is what you get, and don't even think about becoming his skivvy. He's a filthy pig. Run.

I certainly hope the op's standards aren't this low. It isn't the op's job to train a grown man. His parents were responsible for that and they failed.

Yeah but in that case admittedly it's not his fault and it can easily be rectified if he's a nice guy.

An adult is responsible for themselves, and he has had plenty of time to train and educate himself. He has not.

I know female friends of mine who aren't great with housework too though but I don't bin them off for it. Some people just haven't been inclined that way. I still think it's something that can be easily rectified though. If his attitude is that cleaning is a woman's job then yeah that is a red flag.

Female friends are not partners. Apples and oranges.

Yuck. I couldn't cope with a grotty house. Different standards sure, but I couldn't date someone who's house made me feel like my skin was crawling.

Do they know how to clean a bathroom is lower on my list of priorities such as are they a kind person, do they have a good job, do they have hobbies, do they have a good relationship with their parents etc.

These issues are not mutually exclusive.

Most adults manage to keep on top of all of them.

The degree of filth described by the OP is absolutely, totally unacceptable.

A deal breaker as far as I am concerned.

Much easier to be rectified than the above personality issues though.

Dating is to work out compatibility, which you have done in 3 dates without wasting too much time.

I agree personality traits are more important. But how many threads do see by unhappy women, unable to get their partner to pull their weight and being stuck in a cycle of doing it all or living in filth.

It would be a hard no from me.

Nope, he could look like a Greek god and have the best job in the world but if he can't keep a toilet vaguely clean he's not a keeper.
He's literally shown you 'his level' when it comes to his standards at home, assuming you don't want a putrid bathroom you will always be the one to clean it as he 'won't see' the filth.
If you are happy to live like a 1950's housewife then go for it, otherwise run like the wind.

Don't necessarily blame his parents folks 🤨
Some people are just born this way, despite best efforts over many years from parents.

My best friend is tidy and organised, her adult children much less so 😬

She now picks her battles, especially as they have left home.

I can speak from experience that it cannot be rectified.

If the house was grimey, how often does he scrape off the bed sheets to wash them?! 🤢

If a bathroom is that dirty how can a person be clean? Towels used for weeks maybe, dirty floor, grotty toilet…🤮

Yes we know, you've made it perfectly clear that you either have low cleaning standards yourself or low expectations from men.

Yep don’t go there. You’d spend your life either in it or dealing with it. No go.

Grim 🤢