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Original poster

dirty house

56 replies

ohdearymeeewhy · 07/07/2024 01:06

Met a nice man a fortnight ago. Good job, good looking went ack to his house tonight on our third date. It was filthy, think grime everywhere, bathroom putrid. I'm gutted

OP posts:
novocaine4thesoul · 07/07/2024 23:58

It is probably a NO, but did you go back unexpectedly? If yes, and hurried "so sorry it is a mess" then one more chance if he is everything else you want, if no, then back to NO. Even my 18 year old clears up (admittedly in a right panic) for his GF coming round.

QueenBitch666 · 07/07/2024 23:58

Emily1583 · 07/07/2024 03:09

Do they know how to clean a bathroom is lower on my list of priorities such as are they a kind person, do they have a good job, do they have hobbies, do they have a good relationship with their parents etc.

Your bar is low 🤢

MrsPinkFlower · 08/07/2024 00:14

Been there and done that. Men can’t be trained/changed long term. That’s naive thinking. People are who they are. I’d never date someone again who lives in a pigsty. It makes no difference what they say, their actions show they expect others to clean up after them and they choose not to be a responsible adult.

J0S · 08/07/2024 00:20

novocaine4thesoul · 07/07/2024 23:58

It is probably a NO, but did you go back unexpectedly? If yes, and hurried "so sorry it is a mess" then one more chance if he is everything else you want, if no, then back to NO. Even my 18 year old clears up (admittedly in a right panic) for his GF coming round.

You misread the OP. She didn’t say it was messy, she said it was dirty. It wasn’t about “ clearing up”, it was lack of cleaning.

BananaLambo · 08/07/2024 00:35

You're in the first flush of romance where you’d expect him and you to be trying to impress each other. If he can’t be bothered to clean up for the first time you come round then he’s not going to do it any other time. That’s how he lives, and if you moved in together that’s how much effort he would make in your shared home - precisely none.

I know PP are speculating that he may have a mental health issue or hasn’t been sufficiently ‘trained’, but you are not a therapist or a trainer, and you should not have to teach an adult the basics of keeping a house in at least a reasonable state. Move on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/07/2024 01:01

Emily1583 · 07/07/2024 02:38

Not ultimately a red flag for me if he's a nice guy. He can be trained. Maybe he's just never been taught by his parents.

Edited

@ohdearymeeewhy is not a Rehabilitation Centre. If he genuinely can't see that he's living in squalor now, he will NEVER see it, and any future partner will be doing 100% of the cleaning. Fuck. That. Shit.

Raise the bar of your expectations, FFS!

grinandslothit · 08/07/2024 07:12

I hope you have deleted and blocked him by now

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 08/07/2024 07:46

He didn’t even clean the place up when you were very likely to be visiting, after the third date? He may be lovely in other ways, but I would back off. Maybe suggest he gets a weekly cleaner, for his own sake. I wouldn’t fancy a lifetime of cleaning up after him.

Emily1583 · 08/07/2024 07:46

Not sure why I'm getting attacked for just putting across a different pov. A follow up post from Op with a bit more context would have been useful though.

rwalker · 08/07/2024 08:11

Totally up to you but this is the standard he’s happy to live to if you did get together it would be 100% down to you .trying to change people never works

I work for a utility in and out of peoples houses all day some people men and women choose to live in absolute filth

Lighteningstrikes · 08/07/2024 08:28

@rwalker has summed it up perfectly.

OldTinHat · 08/07/2024 08:38

The last guy I dated was great at first. Fab clothes, freshly showered. Few dates in and he turned up looking like a tramp (he had an outdoor job and said he'd met me straight from work). It carried on going downhill, ripped and filthy clothes, personal hygiene lacking.

I went to his house with my dog. No curtains open and the whole place was disgusting. And I mean disgusting. My dog went sniffing along the kickboards in the kitchen and reappeared with a full beard of dust and bits of food!

I didn't hang around after that. Run for the hills OP!

EveningSpread · 08/07/2024 08:41

Emily1583 · 07/07/2024 02:42

Yeah but in that case admittedly it's not his fault and it can easily be rectified if he's a nice guy.

Show quote history

Even men who have been brought up to understand hygiene don’t pull their weight domestically. He wasn’t brought up in the woods presumably. If this guy holds down a decent job he understands how to clean - he knows what a clean bathroom looks like having seen them around in his life. He just doesn’t bother - not even when someone’s coming round. No, no, no. You’ll end up his slave or living in filth OP. Run, and tell him why.

Original poster
ohdearymeeewhy · 09/07/2024 01:23

Thanks all it's really put me off. He says he is much to busy to clean. How long does it take though once you are on top of it

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2024 01:28

He says he is much to busy to clean.

Which means he's happy to wait and have a woman deal with his mess. What a pig.

PaminaMozart · 09/07/2024 01:54

ohdearymeeewhy · 09/07/2024 01:23

Thanks all it's really put me off. He says he is much to busy to clean. How long does it take though once you are on top of it

How long does it take?

We have a 4 bedroom house. No pets or children.

About half an hour a week? An hour tops - say 10 minutes a day...

rwalker · 09/07/2024 05:35

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2024 01:28

He says he is much to busy to clean.

Which means he's happy to wait and have a woman deal with his mess. What a pig.

No it means he’s happy to live like that there will be no expectation for anyone to clean it for him

the biggest shock I got when I start working in peoples houses is what utter filth people happily live in
men , women ,couples young and old

this isn’t a lazy man issue it’s people having different standards ranging from very high to non existent

Original poster
ohdearymeeewhy · 09/07/2024 14:55

I'm not a clean freak but do clean everywhere at least once a week. The smell made me gag and it was disgusting

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 09/07/2024 15:03

rwalker · 08/07/2024 08:11

Totally up to you but this is the standard he’s happy to live to if you did get together it would be 100% down to you .trying to change people never works

I work for a utility in and out of peoples houses all day some people men and women choose to live in absolute filth

Yes, this. I couldn't be putting up with dirty people. I was brought up fairly privileged but it was common sense how to keep clean an sanitary. Background is no excuse unless you have some sort of MH issue.

Terrribletwos · 09/07/2024 15:06

ohdearymeeewhy · 09/07/2024 14:55

I'm not a clean freak but do clean everywhere at least once a week. The smell made me gag and it was disgusting

Yep, defo a no from me. How could you even contemplate having sex...yuck.

Gape · 09/07/2024 15:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Terrribletwos · 09/07/2024 15:09

I imagine woeful if his house is an indication!! And even if not....would you entertain him?

Threewheeler1 · 09/07/2024 15:11

Bloody hell OP... Nah. Nope. No excuse...😷
That's a stomach churner😮
He sounds as though he's beyond help, and it definitely isn't your job to help him anyway.
Life's too short.
And there are clean ones out there somewhere! 😁

DaisyChainsandSunnyDays · 09/07/2024 15:17

I disagree with 'can be trained ' comments.
in theory you can, I have thought kids but with grown men I never been successful and I refuse to be a maid. not to mention how off-putting lack of good hygiene standards is

Tel12 · 09/07/2024 15:19

Oh good grief. That's a no from me. Assume that you made your excuses and left?

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