Thought I'd start a new thread - DH left me 4 wks ago with two young dd's.
He comes round twice a week to see them and I get really stressed out before he comes round and am taking it out on the elder dd - then I burst into tears for being horrible! I feel like the worse mother in the world! I am like jekyll and hyde because when he is here I act all nice etc. or just keep out of his way while he plays with dd's for a while and then when he goes, I'm still positive for a while and then I change back and sink into a depression again.
He came round NY eve to look after them while I had a couple of hours out and when I returned home he stayed for two hours, lying on the sofa as though he still lived here - but still proceeded to tell me he doesn't regret leaving me but he does the kids!! Am I really missing something here or am I just looking to find a little hope that he will return? Surely you wouldn't sit in the same room for two hours with someone if you really didn't love them and want to be there?
I think I can't hit rock bottom any more but each day I seem to be sinking deeper and deeper into depression - I've even thought about just handing the dd's over to him and walking away myself from it all - but I hate myself for even thinking that and would hate myself more if I actually carried it out - I love my dd's so much but I just can't seem to snap out of this mood - I'm crying all the time and I know it's affecting the dd's. I haven't eaten properly since he's left and have lost lots of weight but I just don't have an appetite. I'm still breastfeeding my youngest dd but think I better put her on formula as I'm sure she's getting no goodness from me whatsoever!(I hate him for doing this to me - I wanted to stop when I chose to, not when I felt I had to!) I don't sleep properly at night and my dd's are waking several times a night (since he left!).
I really think I'm cracking up - I sat on the floor in a heap sobbing tonight and I can't believe I've sunk to this level - I'm usually a very strong person!
I tried to phone my Drs to get help but couldn't get though and thought it's a good job I'm not the sort of person who would do anything silly, but I may be on the way there! I have no local support - family all live away - I have to ring several of them every day to just speak to people and lift my mood temporarily, but no-one was in today for me to speak to. My life just seems to be sinking deeper into darkness and I know I need to snap out of this for the good of my dd's and myself!
Can anyone give me any helpful advice, or just talk to me. Does this get better with time? It just feels like it's getting worse for me at the minute. Maybe if I didn't want him back so much I wouldn't be clinging on to anything and would be able to snap out of this quicker? He hasn't given me any answers as to why he left either which doesn't help - just the crap about not loving me anymore and hasn't for ages! So he didn't love me but managed to conceive a child (planned) with me???????? I don't understand!!!!!
Are all men B's or will I meet someone nice out there in time? On second thoughts I don't think I want anything to do with another man!!!!!
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I think I need serious help!
talie · 03/01/2005 18:52
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