I think I need serious help!

[talie]

Thought I'd start a new thread - DH left me 4 wks ago with two young dd's.

He comes round twice a week to see them and I get really stressed out before he comes round and am taking it out on the elder dd - then I burst into tears for being horrible! I feel like the worse mother in the world! I am like jekyll and hyde because when he is here I act all nice etc. or just keep out of his way while he plays with dd's for a while and then when he goes, I'm still positive for a while and then I change back and sink into a depression again.

He came round NY eve to look after them while I had a couple of hours out and when I returned home he stayed for two hours, lying on the sofa as though he still lived here - but still proceeded to tell me he doesn't regret leaving me but he does the kids!! Am I really missing something here or am I just looking to find a little hope that he will return? Surely you wouldn't sit in the same room for two hours with someone if you really didn't love them and want to be there?

I think I can't hit rock bottom any more but each day I seem to be sinking deeper and deeper into depression - I've even thought about just handing the dd's over to him and walking away myself from it all - but I hate myself for even thinking that and would hate myself more if I actually carried it out - I love my dd's so much but I just can't seem to snap out of this mood - I'm crying all the time and I know it's affecting the dd's. I haven't eaten properly since he's left and have lost lots of weight but I just don't have an appetite. I'm still breastfeeding my youngest dd but think I better put her on formula as I'm sure she's getting no goodness from me whatsoever!(I hate him for doing this to me - I wanted to stop when I chose to, not when I felt I had to!) I don't sleep properly at night and my dd's are waking several times a night (since he left!).

I really think I'm cracking up - I sat on the floor in a heap sobbing tonight and I can't believe I've sunk to this level - I'm usually a very strong person!

I tried to phone my Drs to get help but couldn't get though and thought it's a good job I'm not the sort of person who would do anything silly, but I may be on the way there! I have no local support - family all live away - I have to ring several of them every day to just speak to people and lift my mood temporarily, but no-one was in today for me to speak to. My life just seems to be sinking deeper into darkness and I know I need to snap out of this for the good of my dd's and myself!

Can anyone give me any helpful advice, or just talk to me. Does this get better with time? It just feels like it's getting worse for me at the minute. Maybe if I didn't want him back so much I wouldn't be clinging on to anything and would be able to snap out of this quicker? He hasn't given me any answers as to why he left either which doesn't help - just the crap about not loving me anymore and hasn't for ages! So he didn't love me but managed to conceive a child (planned) with me???????? I don't understand!!!!!

Are all men B's or will I meet someone nice out there in time? On second thoughts I don't think I want anything to do with another man!!!!!

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the story sobernow, but I really think he'd take them - straight to his mothers! So it would backfire on me. Funny how mothers can all of a sudden be this wonderful supporting person when divorce approaches but a complete B*TCH when we were together! He can forget what she's put him/US through quickly but can't communicate with me to save the marriage!

He's not really worth keeping is he!!!!! Just wish I could stop loving him and just keep hating him!

I don't know what to do - I have sunk so low that I did something stupid last night!

I asked him to come back and try one last time and asked him to at least talk to me, he said he wouldn't talk to me the time wasn't right because we'd argue and that he definitely didn't want to try again!

I was still awake early hours sobbing, so phoned him again because I was so low - asked him just to talk (say anything to me) because I was feeling SOOOOO low - he just said things would get better, then silence, then "it's late, got to go", so I told him I didn't want to live and that they wouldn't either!

What has this man done to me???? I am lifeless and in so deep I feel I can't get myself out of this dark depression. HELP ME.

haven;t posted here before but just want to offer some support.

this is an awful time for you and your girls. there's no doubt about it, it will probably keep getting worse for a while. But you have to hold inside you the knowledge that though you are crushed and broken now, you will get through this, and you will be stronger in time. You must be strong for your girls. he has walked out on you and now you have to hold it together for them as much as yourself. It's harsh but that is a mother's lot!

Don't let his bitch of a mother get to you. Men always run back to their Mothers in the end, IME. My advice is:

take one day at a time
every day, aim to show him and his mother how you can get on just fine without them
be kind to yourself - it doesmn't matter what you said last night. Just think of it as a blip, and move on to today with new resolve.
I know it's easy for me to say all this, and you feel absolutely wretched right now, but I promise you, you will get through this.

Be strong honey. xx

talie is it ok to cat you .i know what your going through and feel i can help with some things that have helped me through.i still have my down days but im coping better now.
let me know
hugs karenanne

Don't despair too much because you feel you weakened and asked him to come back. At the moment you would do anything to try and get your family back together and its a normal thing to do. I've been there and done that and it never works. well it didn't for me anyway.
Bloody men. They're all tossers lol. Anyway hope your ok.

talie i hope ok ..havent seen u posting the past few days....

Been to a different Sol. who gave me better info this time but I'm still stuffed whichever way I try and turn! Can't believe it.

Asked him to stay away for a while and I do feel more positive, but he has phoned and asked yet again for me to do sort a few things out for him!!! And yet again he has sorted out nothing for me!

Tried being fun and flirty and he sort of responded back but then had a change of heart I think and ignored my texts! Thought I may have tugged at a few emotions and got him thinking but then he reverts back so still don't know where I am with him.

Sometimes after I talk to him though I just end up crying because I want him back so much!

I wish I didn't think the marriage was salvageable and then I could get on with my new life better.

Asked him to come round and sort out things Sol suggested (after kids have gone to bed so he can't see them! so it's just him and me) - he's coming but don't know whether that's because he wants to get the legal stuff sorted or whether he is coming a bit for me???? I suppose I can only wait and see.

I may be wrong in this, but does any one think if I flirt with him and perhaps seeing where it leads get me anywhere as in rekindling any of the love we do have for each other - I honestly don't believe him when he says he has never loved me!

Karenanne - don't know what "cat" is? Don't know all abbreviations used on here. Thanks for caring about me enough to see if I'm ok. Hope you are too.

hi talie glad your ok .cat is contact another talker,which means mumsnet send an email from me to you.

as for the flirting etc,go for it but just flirt,dont let him have his cake and eat it if you know what i mean
be polite ,calm and strong when you see him ,make sure you look good and dont go on about the split.tell him you realise that it may have been for the best ,that youve been out somewhere nice (either you alone or with the kids).make him think you getting on with your life and enjoying it.dont bring up anything about the split thats not neccessary.
dont just let him sit there for hours ,you tell him when to go.

this may just be about sorting things out with the split or he may be changing his mind .by doing the above you are showing him what hes missing,it may give him a shock and he'll come running back.dont do things for him that he can do himself,remember hes left ,and that means he's responsible for himself ,you dont look after him anymore.

and most of all dont let him walk all over you,make sure you get what your entitled to.i know all the above will be hard after all you still love him but if you let him get it all his own way what incentive does he have to come back?

im doing ok lol it does get better and im also doing all the above and ive finally realised i dont need ex to make me happy.my futures looking brighter by the day ,im not now relying so heavily on him maybe coming back,and if he did he would have to make big compromises for us to work.

good luck and let us know how it goes