How do we get my BIL to leave our house

[Queenofheart]

My DH brother came to live with us 4 months ago after the breakdown of his marriage.

He registered with the council as homeless as it was his wife’s house and she kicked him out.

It was only meant to be temporary, he’s applying for council rentals due to them being a lot cheaper than private, but even though he’s been offered a couple he has turned them down due to them being out of our area, 10/15 mins away, which is why me and DH now think he’s not getting anything offered, they don’t see him as an urgent case.

He can afford private rent, he just doesn’t want to pay it, so he’s plodding along here with no urgency to go anywhere.

He’s made a few comments to my DH recently about him being a bit of a stress head, that we are a loud house and he likes his peace, yes, we like music on, we have friends round at weekend. It’s our house!

The final straw for me was when we had friends round for the England match and we were all mega excited and shouting, he was putting his hands over his ears, rolling his eyes, my friend tried to chat to him, he pretty much ignored her, at half time I did food, he waited until I’d served up, grabbed his food and took himself off to his room.

I feel he’s rude commenting on how we live when he’s a bloody guest in our home.

also he’s mentioned he’ll still be here at Christmas at this rate as he can’t find anywhere, which is not happening. He’s in our guest room so we can’t have people stay either now.

me and DH are on same page, we want to give him 2 months max to leave. He has a daughter with a spare room , tho she’s not in our area, but we want him gone now, he’s making me uncomfortable in my own home sometimes.

how do we sort this without falling out or him feeling we are kicking him out?

I have toyed with the idea of contacting her but I don't want her to feel I am snooping, or that she can't tell me how she is for fear I would tell him (I wouldn't) so it's a hard one really

Breathtaking self-centredness and inability to think of other people. Just can’t understand it. (Some) Bloody men!!

Enjoy getting your home back.

Enjoy the football tomorrow.

That's fair enough if it was from her side.
I would imagine she is well rid of him.
I understand you took the moment, I get that, but you really shouldn't have been driven to it.

Don't reach out.
I would make ig crystal clear to your husband there is NO going back.
Locks changed if he has one.
He is the type of CF that could reappear and let himself in.

He has zero respect for either of you.
I bet you and your husband don't know the half of it and that her not wanting contact is a huge part of her knowing what a lazy, dirty, entitled twat he is and she simply doesn't want to hear about it.

Yes, I can see that. And she probably felt let down at the time. In light of her meeting someone else - did they stay living together for quite a long time after they broke up? Because it seems weird that she tosses him out he moves in and then she's already got someone new?

I ask because if that's the case, most likely she was alread frustrated that she was being left to deal with his shit while they weren't tecnically together. I know that's how SIL felt - exBIL's family just basically stepped back and she was left ot pick up the pieces even though they weren't together anymore. it really really frustrated her that she got zero support from them - not for herself, but in attempting to get her ex on his feet.

The fact he's now thrown his toys out the pram when you had the conversation makes me think he had no intention of finding his own accommodation
You have been kind and generous allowing him to stay for as long as you did
If you gave him a key, I would change the locks just in case " living elsewhere didn't suit him"

This, 10000%.

They've been having issues for a couple of years, frustration on her part due to his behaviour and him not doing anything to help the relationship, she eventually checked out and they started living separate lives but living under same roof, then a few months later she met someone so asked him to go.

She isn't interested in having a relationship with his side of the family really, she's got her friends and is happy.

I agree with this too. He had it too easy at ours so why pay all that money for his own place.

The fact his face dropped when I mentioned the Christmas comment said it all. !

It's good he's gone but I bet he's expecting you to apologise or tell him he can come back. Like he's punishing you by leaving and you'll beg his forgiveness 🤣🤣

As pp said, change your locks and don't let him back again.

Good for her. It sounds like she's effectively moved on. I suspect there's loads more to this than you know, but that's okay - as you say, she's got her friends and her new partner and she's happy so it's all good and you don't need to do anything.

His daughters probably told him they had other plans/ going to their mums/ their partners didn’t want to spend it with him

Cheeky fucker.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.

And change the barrel on your lock...

DH sent him a lovely message today saying he didn’t need to leave like that, we’d help him sort himself etc … he’s not bothered to reply 😡

Don't be tempted to offer any further assistance. (Your DH is probably only doing that to assuage a misplaced sense of guilt.)

You've got rid of BIL so mission accomplished.

And remember the old proverb... No good deed goes unpunished

Please don't chase him or pander to him. Ball is in his court.

He won't. You're supposed to be feeling GUILTY. And apologising!

End communication now - no more or you’re fuelling his bad habits and giving him a sense of entitlement. There’s no more you can do other than have him back. He has 2 daughters and another brother for Christ’s sake

Why on earth did your H do this? Your BIL has a tantrum and leaves. He's a grown man. Leave him to it. Work on your own boundaries.

You are a nice woman who is a bit naive.
Your husband hadn't a notion of having a hard conversation.
The above confirms that.
He has thrown YOU under a bus with his scummy brother.
He has ensured that it is only YOU that his brother bad mouths.
I reckon your husband is more like his brother that you realise.
I would be going through him for sending out such a spectacularly disloyal text to his brother, after letting you do the dirty work of speaking to him.

Good men do NOT throw their wives under a bus like that.
I would be getting the Ick big time for your husband and boy would I let him know.

Weak, spineless, disloyal, ICK.

Mind yourself, you are FAR too good for him and his family.
Sounds like your SIL has the measure of them all!

That was really daft of your husband you know.

Your DH is a mug.

Who else thinks he's actually being telling his brother he's fine to stay while telling his wife that his brother needs to go?

No good deed and all that. How bloody rude of your BIL to do this after all you and your dh have done for him. I hope your dh sends him a message to that effect too

Ultimately that proves that your BIL is nothing but a using cunt.

Fuck him off out of your mind and head and carry on like he doesnt exist.