How do we get my BIL to leave our house

[Queenofheart]

My DH brother came to live with us 4 months ago after the breakdown of his marriage.

He registered with the council as homeless as it was his wife’s house and she kicked him out.

It was only meant to be temporary, he’s applying for council rentals due to them being a lot cheaper than private, but even though he’s been offered a couple he has turned them down due to them being out of our area, 10/15 mins away, which is why me and DH now think he’s not getting anything offered, they don’t see him as an urgent case.

He can afford private rent, he just doesn’t want to pay it, so he’s plodding along here with no urgency to go anywhere.

He’s made a few comments to my DH recently about him being a bit of a stress head, that we are a loud house and he likes his peace, yes, we like music on, we have friends round at weekend. It’s our house!

The final straw for me was when we had friends round for the England match and we were all mega excited and shouting, he was putting his hands over his ears, rolling his eyes, my friend tried to chat to him, he pretty much ignored her, at half time I did food, he waited until I’d served up, grabbed his food and took himself off to his room.

I feel he’s rude commenting on how we live when he’s a bloody guest in our home.

also he’s mentioned he’ll still be here at Christmas at this rate as he can’t find anywhere, which is not happening. He’s in our guest room so we can’t have people stay either now.

me and DH are on same page, we want to give him 2 months max to leave. He has a daughter with a spare room , tho she’s not in our area, but we want him gone now, he’s making me uncomfortable in my own home sometimes.

how do we sort this without falling out or him feeling we are kicking him out?

2 months?

Fuck that.

Give the useless prick 5 days notice and then boot his ass out.

Good grief whereabouts is this? Where I live it's a15 year wait for council and a single person would never get one!

This is a complete and utter misconception. In my area you get emergency accommodation the day you declare yourself homeless. They have empty bed sits and flats specifically for this reason. You may be cramped but you are securely housed and even sign a a tenancy after the first 72 hours. People with simple needs like 1-2 bedrooms are typically rehomed permanently within 2-4 months and people with more complex needs like 3-4 bedrooms typically take 4-6 months.

The right to buy still exists in my county and is one of the few councils where they are actively creating new council housing mixed in with affordable shared ownership housing. I've moved myself recently after downsizing from a 5 bed council house and am now in an adorable little 2 up 2 down miners cottage in an ancient town. Everything on my doorstep, quaint little country pubs, thriving community church. A drs, a dentist, cafe, takeaways, co op , the lot. And a bus stop 25 meters away from my door. I do have the tiniest kitchen known to man but it's just about tolerable. I love it!

Well you are kicking him out. Thats ok, he’s taking advantage of your kindness and now being ungrateful for what you’ve given him.
Tell him what you want and be firm. Hopefully he’ll get his butt in gear.

You and your H are wet wipes. He’s taking the proverbial because he’s being enabled. Give this man a deadlines and continue living your life like he isn’t there (preferably in a manner that makes him uncomfortable).

He clearly has the entitled CF gene.

I can see why his marriage broke up, your BIL wants it all his own way. Get your DH to tell him he needs to go and put it in writing just incase. Stop making him comfortable Op or you'll get stuck with him ever after. He needs to understand it's not his home, he is a temporary guest

the cheek of the man complaining about what you do in your own house.

Two months is way too long. Tell him to be gone by the end of this month.

i hope he’s been paying rent and for his food.

Hell no, he’s a grown man, why should op do the work for him?
Just tell him he’s leaving because you want your house back ( and he’s a rude ungrateful wanker ).

You are being much more generous than I would be!
If he has funds I woild have given him August 1st as moving out day!
He is freeloading amd making mugs of you both... not to mention spoiling your downtime.
Stand firm and dont let him mess you about.. more than he has done already!

Thank you mumsnetters For all your great advice

To answer a few of your questions

He does contribute, though only £200 a month, considering he gets all his meals, washing, his own bedroom, his own bathroom I think that’s a pretty good deal, he doesn’t contribute to the chores really.

His wife lived in a rented house in her name, they are getting a divorce, no kids between them, so she’s keeping the house.

The reason we didn’t charge more is because we wanted him to save up for his own place, but he doesn’t seem to be doing that, now he’s always saying he’s skint. He’s on good money but is spending it as quick as earning.

I agree not to worry about falling out with him because he’s not worried about taking the piss here.

He won’t spend Christmas on his own, he’s got daughters and spends it with them, agree it’s more their responsibility than ours.

The rudeness towards us is the last straw.

To the pp asking about the wait list, it’s 12 years where we live but he’s stated he’s homeless, so got towards the top, but is turning down what doesn’t suit so they don’t now see him as a priority.

Agree with pp, I won’t be bloody looking for a place for him, I’m too busy but also agree, he’s a grown man, I won’t be doing the work for him!

Finally, my DH and I have read all your messages and feel there’s some great advice here from you all, he’s going to speak to him tomorrow and give him a deadline of two more months max.

Will come back tomorrow and update thanks everyone, you’ve given some great advice thanks 🥰

Id give him two weeks not two months.

Stop being so soft, he's got way to comfortable.

Prepare yourselves a bit for the fall out. Being told you are mean, selfish, unkind, uncaring etc. YOU ARE NONE OF THOSE THINGS. Quite the opposite. He hasn't even been using the opportunity to save. I do believe that families should care and help each other but family shouldn't take you for a (pretty much free) ride and be rude whilst doing it. If he doesn't find anywhere in the time you have given him he still needs to be out. You will be so relieved to have your home back to yourselves!

Stop cooking his meals for a start! he's never going to willingly move out, he has a lovely set up here for next to nothing.

Wait, who is doing his washing?? Stop doing absolutely anything for him, give him a deadline and stick to it.

You've ended up with a cocklodger. He's had other options, they don't come with maid service and cheap rent though.

Throw huge parties, turn the music up and don't give an inch to his whinging. Doesn't like it? Fine, he can get an air bnb while he sorts a long term rental, not that hard.

No wonder his wife kicked him out.

Double his rent and stop cooking for him., ask what slot he wants on the rota for chores, literally stand there with pen and paper , ok bathroom, which day? Hoovering? Supermarket? Which day shall I put you down for? Grass cutting?

He is stating he’s homeless but turning things down? Who is he? The Princess and the Pea? Get the key back and boot him out.

Good luck with the talk today @Queenofheart . Hold firm, your BIL is living like a teenager, minimal outgoings, no chores and all his money for fun.

Sounds awful! I agree with others suggesting giving him a date to aim for moving out - for me it would be end July, most rentals advertised are available I seem to recall

My ex fil did this to us. I gave my husband the ultimatum in the end after a year, it was him or me and a month later he was gone.
Never again will I live with a relative. Give him a date and be firm with it

Deadline !!!!! And please be blunt with this man child - it’s your house and if he doesn’t like it leave . Tell him straight. Awful man.

Hope the talk has gone well.

He does contribute, though only £200 a month, considering he gets all his meals, washing, his own bedroom, his own bathroom I think that’s a pretty good deal, he doesn’t contribute to the chores really.

And he wonders why his wife kicked him out?

Stop doing his washing, and make a point of a cooking rota, so he has to take a turn. Or tell him that if he's not cooking, he's washing up. Have a housework rota so he does his fair share.

I would not be talking about rent, that just gives the signal he can stay. You really just want him gone so tell him. Give a clear deadline and stick to it. I wouldn’t be talking two months either given how miserable it sounds having him there. Good luck!

You're doing his washing??!!! Why on earth are you doing that? I can't think of a single reason that makes any sense.

His life is very comfortable - and cheap - with you. Ofcourse he doesn't want to move out.

no, I don't do his washing he does that himself. I do however change his bedding every 2 weeks or it wouldn't get done!