Looks like he’s leaving

[Endofaroad]

Not being getting on with DH for about 3/4 months.
Im not afraid to admit but I checked his Apple Watch last night and he was ringing numerous letting agents whilst I was out Friday.
We have been together for over 12 years, married 3 years, 2 primary school children.
Hes not discussed this with me, so it’ll be interesting to see how he does this. I know we need to go our separate ways but I’m so worried about the kids and angry at how he’s just given up. I suggested marriage counselling and he wouldn’t go so I’ve been having it myself.

Wondering at what point he’s going to say something or if I should ask him if he’s moving out.

Jesus Christ op! Is he likely to play fair given that it’s all your money ploughed into the house, and presumably you left with the majority childcare. Or is he going to take you to the cleaners? Did he get the flat he applied for?

He got a 2 bed one I’ve seen it on his watch. He’s not made any mention of wanting any money out of the house and is apparently going to have the kids 3 days per week. We’ll see how long that lasts!!!!

I'd tell him why wait until next week - let him fuck off now!

From all you have said, I think you will be happier without him x

Thank you I feel so ill at the thought of telling the kids. I can’t even eat. Our daughters birthday is in 3 weeks

Did he put any pressure on you to put your inheritance into the house?
It's such a spectacularly bad thing to do.
It immediately becomes a marital asset.
If he in ANY way put pressure on you to put it into the house, tell the solicitor.
It's a short marriage, you need to be a rottweiler in your dealings with him.
Gather everything you can.
Your children will be fine.
Keep yourself well.

It might seem horrible now but it's for the best and you can start healing and making plans to move on

No, he can have the pleasure of telling the kids, not you

Just as an update. He gets his keys today. We told the kids. It wasn’t nice but they both seem ok. He’s not actually given any of us any idea when he’s actually going so maybe it will hit them when he goes who knows.

Well the “til death do is part” would imply you shouldn’t be leaving before you’ve done all you can for resolution. The “for better for worse” implies that you will ride out the rocky parts”

But many don’t seem to take their marriage vows seriously. I also think it’s a bit shit to make plans to move out with no discussion.

Or to tell the kids when there’s no plan in place or no move out date. Madness.

You are still reacting as if he is your husband. He might be officially, but you have to start thinking about him as your ex. He isn’t prioritizing your feelings anymore. You need to switch into business mode.

he has keys. He can move out this weekend. He could move out tomorrow if you want. He isn’t in control. He doesn’t need more than a bed to get started and he can get that in a day. He can take his first batch of belongings in a suitcase and come back for more later.

you need to make an appointment with a solicitor. You need to collect important documents and evidence of accounts and the amounts in them.

even if you are holding out hope for reconciliation, you need to proceed as if you are getting a divorce. The process can be stopped, but you have to protect yourself.

Unfortunately he can leave when he wants and you have no control over that. You can’t force someone out of their own home unless there is DV involved. It’s rubbish but you have to suck that bit up. What you can do is nothing for him and begin to live your separate life as best you can until he goes. Her your finances sorted and do your best with your children.

Exactly. A lot of this advice is cloud cuckoo land.

He will rent what he can afford to, regardless of bedrooms. He will do the childcare he wants to.

CMS will sort out child maintenance.👍

I’m sorry OP but my ex acted the same and it turned out he was seeing someone. He was home every night but they find time.

the acting like you are a stranger and treating you with no respect is the biggest sign.

the fact he’s happy to go into a shitty flat, no wanting to talk or do therapy just straight up leave yeah I’m sorry but give it a few months and she’ll appear but be painted as is they just connected.

OP I hope you’re doing well in the face of this shitshow. It’s time to put yourself and kids front and centre. Leave that sorry ass excuse of a man to keep being a 🍆

Take a lot of the advice her with a bag of salt and manage your expectations so any further disappointment doesn’t derail your mental health cos that’s not what you need now.
My ex didn’t have my kids 50/50 or anything. He is also an oil and gas lawyer so earns stupid money. I raised my kids myself. He paid rent and school fees while I took care of everything else. You can’t force 50/50 down his throat. He is also self employed so he can lie that his business isn’t making money and do things that mean that you won’t get what you and the kids deserve by way of maintenance.
I have seen women screwed over by men who are self employed. They make the divorce go in their favour and it is sickening.

Get a solicitor and have a chat about next steps.

Has he left op?

He does have the right, but it’s a fair expectation that a man who’s married 12 years with 2 primary school children will try at least. And if you won’t go to counselling then you didn’t really try. Don’t you think any reasonable person would want to be able to to look at their kids and think your mum and I really did try?

You say 40 minutes is a normal commute for lots of children although it’s a shame you didn’t prioritise being closer. You can have every second weekend Friday to Monday and I’ll collect them from school and the other weekends I’ll drop them Sunday and collect them from school on Tuesday, or we agree very similar. You’re leaving me, not them.’
Him: but I only have two bedrooms’ you: ‘it’s a lease not forever, you can sleep you or one of them in the living room or our son shares with you and get something bigger in a year or two if you don’t like that. Stop making up reasons not to be a parent anymore.’

Make sure you get competent legal advice without delay. Nail down a financial order before he wakes up and sees a solicitor himself. You want to make sure you get your inheritance back, or at least most of it. And protect your pension.

Find and copy all financial documents, especially his tax returns, seeing that he us self employed. Have a look at:

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies or similar
• Form E (.Gov website)

12 year relationship and you think leaving after 3/4 months of a rocky time is appropriate.

He’s gone, I took the kids on a last minute holiday and smashed life as a single mum for a week to give him time to move out. Thanks for all the advice.

Good for you, keep that vibe going!

You are a great woman and you have got this.

Do not give that bastard a penny more than you can keep.....using ANY means necessary.

Every penny you keep is for your children.
Not an inch💪

@Endofaroad hope you kept hold of his watch phone!!

Your kids deserve better.

You deserve better.

You got this 💪🏽