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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Offer of a 'gift' from a guy

67 replies

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 20:49

So I've been messaging a guy for about 6 months, we've only met twice and it's actually even nothing romantic.

We share a hobby and I started following him on Instagram, then we started messaging, nothing too deep mostly about our hobby and occasionally about general life stuff. The chat's sporadic, sometimes a week with neither of us messaging. I've no idea of his relationship status because, as I say, nothing even remotely romantic or suggestive of has ever been said and I'm not interested in more than a friendship.

Anyway a week ago he messaged saying he'd ordered something for this hobby and I said oh I need the same thing, but it'll have to wait now as I need work doing to my car and I'm saving for a house. Out of the blue he offers to buy me this thing (considerable amount of money item) I decline saying it's ok I don't need it that bad I'll get it at some point, he insists saying he'll send them to me. We chat some more then he asks again about the item and I a little more forcefully say no, thank you for the offer but I don't feel comfortable accepting it. He's now since ghosted me, not blocked but not heard from him.

I'm not too worried about hearing from him, I wasn't THAT invested, but it was so weird and out of the blue.

What do you reckon he was thinking? Was he just genuinely trying to be nice and I've hurt his feelings. No one else would accept this surely

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 20:52

It’s his issue not yours, you weren’t rude and you are perfectly at liberty to decline a gift on any basis - be it that you don’t know him, it’s too much, etc. Please don’t worry about it, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Opentooffers · 30/06/2024 20:54

He wanted you to be indebted to him, but you wisely didn't give him that opportunity. He's got the hump because now he hasn't got leverage. You were right, he's a creep. Do your hobby with real life people, anything else is weird.

mammaS11 · 30/06/2024 20:57

Probably not but could he have been wanting to know where you lived? Presumably he would need your address to send it.

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:00

What makes you say I'd be happy to accept it? I'd find that even more odd given that I haven't actually given him my address, and I'd feel very weird about it

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Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:02

Gosh there are some odd ideas on this thread already. At the most maybe he thought you were closer than you were, but as you say there haven’t been any romantic overtures. As I said before, you’ve not done anything wrong, maybe he’s a bit worried that he’s misinterpreted something along the way.

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:04

Opentooffers · 30/06/2024 20:54

He wanted you to be indebted to him, but you wisely didn't give him that opportunity. He's got the hump because now he hasn't got leverage. You were right, he's a creep. Do your hobby with real life people, anything else is weird.

I don't think it's weird to have friends you talk to online about a hobby, many of my 'real life' freinds don't share my hobby. I have met this guy and he seems fine, but who knows

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Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:06

Well everyone else has worked out he is a serial killer… I think he’s just maybe thought that your friendship was closer than you did. No harm done. You’ll know if he stays quiet. In the meantime, enjoy your hobby and practice it in whatever way you wish. I do creative writing and am part of one in-person group and two online groups. Nothing weird about it.

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:07

I live quite a long way and a ferry ride away from him, don't think he'd have nefarious ideas about just turning up

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FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:07

Sounds like a total misogynistic creep and a control freak. You didn't accept his 'gift' and he got the hump, and ghosted you. What a pathetic man baby! You dodged a bullet.

Waterboatlass · 30/06/2024 21:08

Don't give it another thought. Could have been well meaning but he should have taken 'no' for an answer. Especially if the cost was a lot and he didn't already have your address. Many women wouldn't have wanted to accept a costly item from a man they didn't know that well. He may just not have seen it from your POV and now feel embarrassed. You've done nothing wrong.

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:08

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:06

Well everyone else has worked out he is a serial killer… I think he’s just maybe thought that your friendship was closer than you did. No harm done. You’ll know if he stays quiet. In the meantime, enjoy your hobby and practice it in whatever way you wish. I do creative writing and am part of one in-person group and two online groups. Nothing weird about it.

Nailed it, I got off lightly😂

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Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:08

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:07

Sounds like a total misogynistic creep and a control freak. You didn't accept his 'gift' and he got the hump, and ghosted you. What a pathetic man baby! You dodged a bullet.

Edited

She’s not blocked - she said so - she just hasn’t heard from him.

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:09

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:08

Nailed it, I got off lightly😂

😅😂😅

Johnhasalongmoustache · 30/06/2024 21:09

What’s the frikkin hobby

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:09

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:08

She’s not blocked - she said so - she just hasn’t heard from him.

Thank you! I have edited my post to correct it now. Smile

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:10

Johnhasalongmoustache · 30/06/2024 21:09

What’s the frikkin hobby

I need to know this too! What hobby could you have that you mostly talk to people online about, that would need something very expensive for?

Some kind of photography maybe........?

?

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:10

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:09

Thank you! I have edited my post to correct it now. Smile

No worries!

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:10

Probably what @Arlanymor has said, he thought we were closer or he's actually just genuinely trying to help me out.

It just came out of the blue and definitely not something I'd accept

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Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:11

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:10

I need to know this too! What hobby could you have that you mostly talk to people online about, that would need something very expensive for?

Some kind of photography maybe........?

?

Edited

I think it’s more fun if we speculative on this than on the guy.

Hey maybe it’s a plot twist and SHE’S the serial killer and her hobby is taxidermy?!

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:11

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:11

I think it’s more fun if we speculative on this than on the guy.

Hey maybe it’s a plot twist and SHE’S the serial killer and her hobby is taxidermy?!

Shock
Johnhasalongmoustache · 30/06/2024 21:11

cars I reckon

Johnhasalongmoustache · 30/06/2024 21:12

I’ve been on Mumenet over 20 years and this strange habit of not naming hobbies drives me mad

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:12

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:11

I think it’s more fun if we speculative on this than on the guy.

Hey maybe it’s a plot twist and SHE’S the serial killer and her hobby is taxidermy?!

Love this post already, thank everyone

I'm not going to tell you, let's just see what you all come up with🤔

OP posts:
FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 21:13

Tillybud81 · 30/06/2024 21:12

Love this post already, thank everyone

I'm not going to tell you, let's just see what you all come up with🤔

Well YOU'RE no fun! Hmm

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 21:13

Johnhasalongmoustache · 30/06/2024 21:12

I’ve been on Mumenet over 20 years and this strange habit of not naming hobbies drives me mad

Well I also want to know why John has a long moustache - we can’t all have what we want!

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