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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Married man

70 replies

Lostsoul2024 · 29/06/2024 23:37

Please i don't want hate just real advice as I am really struggling at the minute. I have feeling for a man I work with. He is married and has 2 children. I am getting married soon and also have 2 children. We have worked together 2 years me being the newbie. I have felt there has always been a connection from the moment i started. Our first ever night out was a colleagues retirement party i went home early and he rang me in the early hours of the morning, I acted normal and it was never brought up after. Next was another party myself and him were the last ones there we live closer than everyone else so it makes sense for us to share a taxi, we ended up walking and talking for 2hours avoiding all taxis passing us by and had deep conversations nothing happend! Next was our end of year party he told me about the first time he hugged me he said boy I am in trouble and how great I am. He told me we should have a affair as our lives are same i am getting married and have 2 children, he is married! We had deep conversations about our childhoods and he has never told his wife what he shared with me, which made me feel honoured. There Is so much more to ad that I could be here all day, he will always go out of his way to speak to me in work when he could speak to other colleagues about said issues. We shared a kiss at our last work night and 8 stopped him and said you have a family and so do I so nothing can happen. When we where back in work we had a sober conversation and he said he doesnt remember any of it and that he loves his wife. I never want to have a affair or be the other women ever! But how do I get this man out of my head I can not stop thinking about him. I feel so down, did he ever feel the same way as me. He told me he can never leave his wife ( her family are rich, he came from nothing) school is out for 8 weeks so I won't see him. Maybe I loved the attention and my own relationship is lacking at the moment but how can I stop thinking about this man. Do you think he ever had real feelings for me? Or was is the drink talking? I want to go back to school not feeling like this as I will have to see him everyday! Help

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 29/06/2024 23:42

Um. Why are you getting married?

RoseberrryTopping · 29/06/2024 23:48

Don't be silly.

That's all i have to input really. You'll get torn apart on this thread and some posters will insinuate that you're on a par with a murderer. Ignore them, pull yourself together, stop behaving like a 16 year old and start job hunting

Anything else you do is sheer folly

Marblessolveeverything · 29/06/2024 23:50

Right well this is the edge of a complete shit show so buckle up. Don’t shit where you eat is a well known phrase. You will need your job

You don’t love your fiancé so don’t marry them. Start fresh but don’t be the gobshite that blows up his children’s world. Good men don’t screw around.

Lostsoul2024 · 29/06/2024 23:50

I am with the father of my children since I am 17 years old I am now 33. I love him dearly but we have no sex life! My post was to see if you think my colleague ever had feeling for me or do I just get over it!

OP posts:
WonkyPicture · 29/06/2024 23:53

Just leave him alone, he will have told his wife the exact same stuff about his childhood, don’t believe a word from him. Get on with your life either with your partner or alone. My husband left me last year for another woman, saying he was in love, well lo and behold look who is miserable and begging to come back now! Pffft, no way!

Readytoevolve · 29/06/2024 23:53

Get over it. Stay away from a married man. Just don’t be that dickhead. It will never end well.

Neveranynamesleft · 29/06/2024 23:54

Only he knows the answer to your question, we can only guess.
Sounds like you need a rethink on your upcoming wedding if someone can turn your head so easily.

CleanShirt · 29/06/2024 23:56

My husband left me for someone at work and it broke me. She was well aware he was married. Don't be that woman.

Comedycook · 29/06/2024 23:58

He sounds like a chancer to me. Stop trying to convince yourself there was a deep connection...he wanted a shag on the side.

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 29/06/2024 23:59

Lostsoul2024 · 29/06/2024 23:50

I am with the father of my children since I am 17 years old I am now 33. I love him dearly but we have no sex life! My post was to see if you think my colleague ever had feeling for me or do I just get over it!

No he never had feelings for you he wants sex with no strings attached and when he realises he isn't going to get it he will start acting like the cunt he truly is. Put your energy in to improving your sex life with your husband and ignore this fool.

TheShellBeach · 29/06/2024 23:59

Don't get married to a man with whom you do not have a sex life.

Don't believe men who tell you that they can't tell their wives the stuff they've told you.

Don't have emotional affairs with married men. They're not available.

Ilovebees · 30/06/2024 00:00

@Lostsoul2024 so basically you have cheated on your husband already ? Shame on you !
I hope your husband doesn’t marry you as you clearly don’t love him as much as you say you do , otherwise you wouldn’t be kissing another man and clearly you would have done more stuff if he was up to it .
This could get messy real quick , even if he wanted to be with you , you are both married for god sake , it will never be easy for either of you . Forget about him and tell your husband the truth , he deserves someone who is loyal and loves him. Let him find someone better . You had a lucky escape here that he pulled away from you before it went even further .

BeaTagger · 30/06/2024 00:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ilovebees · 30/06/2024 00:04

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You telling her to cheat on her partner and still get married to her partner of 16 years ? Is this what you would do ?

PrincessMee · 30/06/2024 00:05

He was toying with you. He was enjoying the feeling that he could pull a woman. You really don't need anyone to tell you this do you?

BeaTagger · 30/06/2024 00:05

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Opentooffers · 30/06/2024 00:07

He was probably lying about you being the only one he's told about his childhood. Did it make it seem all the more special, it was designed to?
You have problems in your relationship, the answer is not to distract yourself with someone else, you should face them.
There's no point in getting married until you've sorted out the lack of intimacy. It's surprising that he'd want to marry you either given the state of your relationship. You are always going to be more at risk of accepting or seeking affection from elsewhere if you don't get any from your DP. Sort your issues out or split up.

Ilovebees · 30/06/2024 00:07

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well then she should tell her partner the truth that she doesn’t love him and don’t get married . Let him free and find someone who truly loves him and won’t ever think about cheating on him .

Ilovebees · 30/06/2024 00:11

I swear if this was a man posting this, he would be shredded to pieces 😂

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 30/06/2024 00:14

He's grooming you so he can cheat on his wife. Do not fall for it.

RubyWinehouse · 30/06/2024 00:14

Don't marry your fiance, you don't love him if you contemplated an affair with a married man

sesquipedalian · 30/06/2024 00:35

You’re behaving like a lovesick teenager rather than a mother of two. This chap has told you he can never leave his wife - so the best you can hope for is to be the other woman. Is that really what you want? He’s got you just where he wants you - time to walk away and behave like an adult. Otherwise, you’ll just end up getting hurt, and sadly, it won’t just be you.

MySweet · 30/06/2024 00:38

Don’t have an affair with this man. Don’t marry the father of your children. Focus on your job, your children, and be single for a while. Your instincts are all over the place.

SnowFrogJelly · 30/06/2024 00:41

CherrySocks · 29/06/2024 23:42

Um. Why are you getting married?

This

You are acting like a teenager!

NicholJO · 30/06/2024 00:48

Hello op no he doesn't have feelings for you. He's a waste of space. On the other hand MN ladies my be ok with you. But I personally think you are a good for nothing pice off rubbish