Married man

[Lostsoul2024]

Please i don't want hate just real advice as I am really struggling at the minute. I have feeling for a man I work with. He is married and has 2 children. I am getting married soon and also have 2 children. We have worked together 2 years me being the newbie. I have felt there has always been a connection from the moment i started. Our first ever night out was a colleagues retirement party i went home early and he rang me in the early hours of the morning, I acted normal and it was never brought up after. Next was another party myself and him were the last ones there we live closer than everyone else so it makes sense for us to share a taxi, we ended up walking and talking for 2hours avoiding all taxis passing us by and had deep conversations nothing happend! Next was our end of year party he told me about the first time he hugged me he said boy I am in trouble and how great I am. He told me we should have a affair as our lives are same i am getting married and have 2 children, he is married! We had deep conversations about our childhoods and he has never told his wife what he shared with me, which made me feel honoured. There Is so much more to ad that I could be here all day, he will always go out of his way to speak to me in work when he could speak to other colleagues about said issues. We shared a kiss at our last work night and 8 stopped him and said you have a family and so do I so nothing can happen. When we where back in work we had a sober conversation and he said he doesnt remember any of it and that he loves his wife. I never want to have a affair or be the other women ever! But how do I get this man out of my head I can not stop thinking about him. I feel so down, did he ever feel the same way as me. He told me he can never leave his wife ( her family are rich, he came from nothing) school is out for 8 weeks so I won't see him. Maybe I loved the attention and my own relationship is lacking at the moment but how can I stop thinking about this man. Do you think he ever had real feelings for me? Or was is the drink talking? I want to go back to school not feeling like this as I will have to see him everyday! Help

Ok, so suppose you did get together with him. You disrupt your entire family unit to be with him, affecting your kids too.

What happens next?- you know he quite happily cheats on his partner once he gets bored of them and will do so with apparently any woman he finds attractive at work. Why will you be any different to his wife- what makes you so special/different? what happens when he then cheats on you- you have no right to complain about it because you did it yourself and you know he has form for doing it.

Wake up and see him for what he is- a cheating lying dickhead. He isnt deep, he isnt honouring you and he isnt some amazing poor misunderstood man. He's just another tedious pathetic married man who wants to cheat on his wife. How utterly boring and unoriginal.

No, he doesnt have real feelings for you. He wants to get his leg over. Thats it.

If he had genuine feelings for you, and actually cared about you and your welfare, he wouldnt be suggesting you cheat on your partner and lie to your children in order to have sex with him.

Excellent points from pps. In summary, grow up.

I promise you, future you will cringe at your gullibility here. But hopefully also be proud that you made some changes that brought happiness and growth, and avoided setting your own life on fire for a random arsehole.

Your current relationship may have run its course, but this is not the out.

He's a golddigger who is happy to cheat on his wife for a casual relationship.

What a catch!!!!!

That there should be enough to put you off.

OP- if your best friend whom you loved, was unhappy in her relationship would you lovingly advise her to lie to her partner and have an affair behind his back, lie to her kids about her whereabouts so she could sneak around and have sex with a man from work?

Does that seem like advice that you'd give to someone you loved and cared about? Or, does it seem like the kind of suggestion someone would give someone if it selfishly only benefitted them?

Don't marry your fiancé. You're looking for excitement and attention but a married man is not where you'll find it.

Work on leaving your current partner and find a new job.

You will find new man in the future who is just for you and gives you the attention you need.

Get a grip OP.

This man has given you the greatest insight to his personality. He's a liar and a cheat. He's shown you this you this very clearly. Stop the nonsensical fantasising and sort out what is wrong in your life, ie your relationship and get a new job.

Even he told you that

He's a sleaze-ball.

You had a past you don't owe him a future. Sex is important it won't get better there are single men available. You have obviously grown apart, it's sad but you both deserve happiness.

I reckon he is simply looking for easily accessible Are you willing to lose your job and have everyone know including your children of what you are considering?

So he’s even told you he’s only staying with his wife cos her family have money. Ooh what a catch he is. He sounds like your garden variety office sleaze that wants a shag. It’s not a love story lol they are 10 a penny. Don’t be naive op.

agree with others though your relationship is a different issue - don’t get married. But then don’t leave your partner and get with this idiot. Before you know it he’ll be lining up his next office shag.

Gross. He was changing his arm for a shag. It is so beyond embarrassing that you not only believed him re the stuff he never even told his wife (yea, right!) but that you feel honoured. Give yourself a shake. You say you don’t want to be a cheat or to have an affair but you already are, an emotional affair is still an affair and anyway, you kissed him!!

Slightly blunter than I’d have put it, but this. You need to take off the rose tinted glasses and deal with the real issue here. Your future husband, this is your inner self trying to stop you getting married in a particularly destructive way. You’ve probably been ignoring other bigger signs.

don’t be that woman, the new one at work who ends up with the office chancer. He’s a sleaze.

sort yourself out.

And think about looking your kids in the eye and telling them what a vile thing you would be doing.

Oh the poor vulnerable ickle woman being take advantage of by the big bad man🙄.

Honestly, could not agree more! So so bored of infantilising and excusing of woman’s choices and behaviour.

There is no doubt that both ‘cheating’ parties are manipulating, lying and working the other for mutual benefit.

They’re both receiving ego kibbles and validation from this mess.

OP’s question is not how to stop but to try and understand why he’s not feeding her these anymore.

OP just stop, leave your partner and prioritise settling your children. I’d also be looking for another job.

Do you think he ever had real feelings for me? Or was is the drink talking?

No, he doesnt have feelings for you. Its his dick talking.

Dont kid yourself he cares about you, he wants a shag. That is all.
He's a sleazy, gross piece of shit coming on to someone he knows is vulnerable/unsure.

Stop being so bloody naive and wake up.

He had feelings regarding you for himself. He loved the boost he got when you kissed him. He loved the boost he got in pulling you or someone else. He thinks about you when he's bored.Does he care about you or your situation? I very much doubt it. It is all about him!

Don’t get married.