Married man

[Lostsoul2024]

Please i don't want hate just real advice as I am really struggling at the minute. I have feeling for a man I work with. He is married and has 2 children. I am getting married soon and also have 2 children. We have worked together 2 years me being the newbie. I have felt there has always been a connection from the moment i started. Our first ever night out was a colleagues retirement party i went home early and he rang me in the early hours of the morning, I acted normal and it was never brought up after. Next was another party myself and him were the last ones there we live closer than everyone else so it makes sense for us to share a taxi, we ended up walking and talking for 2hours avoiding all taxis passing us by and had deep conversations nothing happend! Next was our end of year party he told me about the first time he hugged me he said boy I am in trouble and how great I am. He told me we should have a affair as our lives are same i am getting married and have 2 children, he is married! We had deep conversations about our childhoods and he has never told his wife what he shared with me, which made me feel honoured. There Is so much more to ad that I could be here all day, he will always go out of his way to speak to me in work when he could speak to other colleagues about said issues. We shared a kiss at our last work night and 8 stopped him and said you have a family and so do I so nothing can happen. When we where back in work we had a sober conversation and he said he doesnt remember any of it and that he loves his wife. I never want to have a affair or be the other women ever! But how do I get this man out of my head I can not stop thinking about him. I feel so down, did he ever feel the same way as me. He told me he can never leave his wife ( her family are rich, he came from nothing) school is out for 8 weeks so I won't see him. Maybe I loved the attention and my own relationship is lacking at the moment but how can I stop thinking about this man. Do you think he ever had real feelings for me? Or was is the drink talking? I want to go back to school not feeling like this as I will have to see him everyday! Help

It's not the drink talking, it's his dick talking.
Is getting married what you really want?
He's a chancer and he is reeling you in.
The school holidays will give you some space.

It doesn't matter if he had feelings or not. He's married. The most he's after is a shag. Forget him. You need to confront and work on the issues in your own relationship. I would do that before you even think about getting married.

People are being harsh. I think he probably does feel the same but can’t cope with the shit storm that shagging you would create. Better to stop now before anything really happened. Someone said this level of infatuation isn’t normal, but I think it’s very normal. It’s very normal to feel like you do when you can’t have someone.

I would agree with others that have questioned why you’re getting married. You’ve been together since you were 17 and it’s all gone flat, you’re done, don’t get married!

He wanted a fling and told you things you wanted to hear he was flattering you and not serious. He probably started to realise you had feelings and wanted more that's why he has cooled off and said he loved his wife. If you are getting married I would be more worried about the issue of no sex with your partner causing problems in your marriage.

Urgh that whole 'he told me things he has never told his wife' is such a line. Supposed to make you feel special and honoured. Just stay away from him - no good can come of this.

youre an idiot

your partner deserves better

1. You really shouldn’t marry your fiancé.
2. How do you get over colleague? See him for the slimeball that he is.

Don't get married. You'll only cheat and break his heart. You clearly have a ton of growing up to do before you can even think about marriage. You're "honoured" that this married man is a sack of shit who lies to his wife?Wtf? You seem to think you're special to him, but you aren't. He's probably done this before and is a user of women. Your feelings for him are pure adolescent fantasy. You are not ready to commit to anybody. Please face the truth about yourself and face the truth about this man. He isn't a good person. Once you accept the fact that he sucks and stop idealizing him, you can get over him.

Again, do not marry this man. That will be a disaster. Do some soul searching and work on becoming more emotionally mature before you take on a relationship.

He may have feelings for you but this can only end in heart break for so many,

Your relationship with your partner is over and the best scenario is you separate and have an amicable co parebring agreement.

The office ketch is a slime ball reciting the sane dull predictable script all married men after a no strings shag spill out. Do you really want to be complicit in potentially ruining another woman’s life and maybe breaking up a family for the sake of a fumble in a cheap hotel with the local creep?

You’re an adult mother not a naive teenager - you know he’s full of shit but he’s telling you what you want to hear.

You got the nail on the head when you said you’re loving the attention because our relationship is lacking. Deal it’s that before you think about another man.

He told me he can never leave his wife ( her family are rich, he came from nothing)

Why does that mean he can't leave his wife exactly? 🤔🤔

just get over it. He’s a creep - you just can’t see it because he’s love bombing you and presenting you a fairy tale image.
maybe don’t marry the man you cheated on. Your relationship needs your focus- fix it or break up, but do not cheat.

“My wife doesn’t understand me”.

This is a well known stereotype thing that men say to their affair partners to the point they use that line in sitcoms. It makes you feel special and flattered, right? But at the end of the day, it is a form of grooming.

I would step back, tell him to work on his marriage, seek counselling and then if that doesn’t work, end it properly without embarking on an affair.

The best way to see if a man is a good potential partner for you is to look at the way he treats his family, including his current wife. It will be you in + 2 years when all the sexual chemicals have settled down.

My first thought always is “I could never do this to another woman - whether or not I know her.”

How would I feel if another woman did this to me?

Get yourself right, @Lostsoul2024.
You aren’t a schoolgirl.

Why don't you have a sex life?

Please grow up. You're 33 not 12.

I have to echo the question. Why on earth are you getting married?

and being with someone since you were 17 or having kids with them isn’t an answer.

What you do is stop pursuing this an affair. Thats what you are doing. Pursuing an affair.

Chances are he isn’t ever going to leave his wife. But also, you can see what a liar is and how he is playing you whilst also playing the role of happily married man. You know this man is a liar, why do you want him?

You know he lies so why do you believe anything about him confiding in you? Or do you think he just lies to his wife, but you are so different and special he would never lie to you?

What’s best case scenario here for you? He leaves her? Your leave your dp? Then what? You create a blended family with this man you know to be a liar? Chances are the his kids will resent you, all the kids may resent the situation they are in. His wife isn’t going to wave you off into the sunset and your do probably won’t either.

So a lot of people’s whose lives are devastated, so you can involve your and your kids with someone who is proved to be dishonest?

It sounds like you know you shouldn’t be getting married and instead of dealing with that, you are playing silly buggars with yours kids lives, his kids lives, his wife’s life.

Its really easy to not kiss someone or sleep with them, concentrate on sorting your life out if you aren’t happy.

@Lostsoul2024 This sounds like limerence if I’m honest!

Listen to what he’s saying to you-
he’s suggesting an affair, he says he loves his wife and can’t leave, he’s denying the kiss etc. If he wanted to be with you really then he would. Instead he’s liking the chase and only wants some fun. He’s looking for no strings attached sex. The moment you two have sex then he will regret it, get upset and distance himself from you. Then a couple of months will go by and he’ll come running back wanting to carry on a fwb type thing. He isn’t breaking up his family and sorry to say, doesn’t want to be with you. I’m sure if you asked him then he’d encourage you to get married!

You like the attention from him, it’s exciting and new. It’s brightening your day which has felt very repetitive. I think you need to address the problems in your relationship. You’re about to get married but mention no sex life- this is meant to be such an exciting and romantic time for you both. If you’re truly not happy and looking elsewhere/ already cheating then maybe it’s time to seriously consider the life you’re after. Don’t get married to then have an affair.

Are people really this naive? The only feelings he has for you op are of the want to shag you type. He TOLD you he “loves” his wife (he doesn’t. Cunts that do this love only themselves) that he will never leave her (due to money - how tasteless) and suggested you have an affair. He has been very clear about what he wants - a shag and that is all. I hate to break it to you, but this will not be the first time he’s done this, you will be one in a very long line. He is a sad, desperate shagger and should be avoided at all costs.
You need to address the lack of intimacy in your relationship and either fix it or separate. And learn to avoid this type of sleazy man!

Ffs grow up, he’s grooming you and talking bollocks to reel you in

You have created a fantasy story in your head that this man adores you and wants to be with you- hence your seeking reassurance on here, to fill the void of unhappiness you feel in your current relationship.

Unfortunately, this is isnt some great love story, he just fancies a shag on the side. There is no great romance here- he will simply use you for sex and then discard you like a Kleenex when it becomes inconvenient for him.

You need to stop thinking about this emotionally, stop fantasising and imagining scenarios, and start looking at this logically.

This is a guy who wants to cheat on his wife and betray his kids. The fact he told you "deep" things about his childhood wasnt to "honour" you, or because you are special, it was to manipulate you. Of course he's going to tell you his wife doesnt know - it's straight out of the narcissist's handbook. He's triangulating you with his wife as a form of manipulation. Your attention gives him fuel and an ego boost. It has nothing to do with you personally- you could literally be any other female colleague.

Sorry to be so blunt but its screamingly obvious that he is using and manipulating you and you are falling for it due to your unhappiness at home.

What you do now is your choice but I am telling you now, if you do go ahead with an affair it wont end well. You will end up a destroyed shell of yourself whilst he will simply move on to the next willing victim unaffected. This will end in utter misery for you so you need to stop wondering about him and his feelings and start thinking about yourself and how this will end up for you because it wont end happily. He doesnt care about you. You need to care about yourself.

He was enjoying the excitement and attention and now came back to reality.
Pretend he doesn't exist anymore
You should reconsider getting married

You should not marry your fiancé, nor should you give another thought to whether your married colleague had feelings for you. He's married and happy to cheat on his wife: he's hardly a catch! You enjoyed the attention because of what is lacking in your own relationship. Sort that one out first. We grow, change and mature as we go through life: it's possible you've outgrown him since you got together at 17.