Hi everyone. I started seeing this guy (single dad, 2 kids) about 6 months ago. Initially (like the first week), I was glad to find someone very communicative. We text and video call every day and we meet up 2-3x/week. He is open about his past and generally just very sweet. He's the opposite of the ghosting types, or those who feign interest for sex, or those who feel lukewarm about me.
But soon, I started feeling suffocated. I mean, there were typical "red flags" all over the place. He said he loved me pretty much the 2nd or 3rd date. He'd call me 2-10x/day, all video-calls, as he works outdoors and has a lot of free time. The thing that creeps me out a little is that he would call for literally 10 seconds or so, "just to see my face", or just to tell me he loves me. I've told him many times that it doesn't feel right "to be looked at" but he says he misses me. I don't know if I should feel flattered or uncomfortable.
In the very beginning, there was worse behaviour. For example, he'd take my phone and check my communication history. He'd get very emotional if he saw I talked to a male, non-colleague person. When I told him I'd be meeting a female friend, he'd call more that day. He'd make sure to see the friend on videocamera. Such behaviour (phone-checking) stopped after I told him it made me uncomfortable. Also, if he interrupted my other calls or if I missed a call, he'd send quite aggressive messages like "you're speaking with/meeting another person/boy".
I thought about ending things about 2-3 months in. The scariest thing is, surprisingly, not his behaviour, but the change in my behaviour. For example, I find myself screenshotting my call with another person when he interrupts, since I could then send the screenshot to show him I was speaking to my family. This was not something he demanded; it's something he's gradually "trained" me to do, because I'd rather do this than to argue. I also started deleting my WhatsApp history since he would check (he stopped doing this after 1 month, but still). The worst part is that I've started to expect his message and calls every 1 hour or so. This is damaging to my mind.
The thing is, it's difficult for me because he's 100% okay in person. I love spending time with him in person. And he's a great dad. If I could disregard his off-site communications, I would be happy. But unfortunately I can't. He's improved a bit, but whenever I catch some off-putting behaviour and call him out, he'd say it's because he "loves me too much" (which is actually the most off-putting response).
I find him very sweet and endearing but I'm not sure about love. My feelings for him are muddled by the confusion and suffocation. But somehow his "methods" have been so effective that I just can't break up completely. I tried 2 times. I tried doing it over video-calls, because I'd be weak if I met in person. Both times he didn't believe me, and said, we could meet over coffee. Then somehow I wasn't able to break up, because I'm 100% happy when I'm with him in person.
I don't know, something is seriously messed up, but I don't know what to do. It probably too difficult to change him and his behaviour with the phone just stresses me out, and it's not sustainable for me. But I am not sure about breaking up over the phone??? We don't live together but he knows where I live. He's probably not dangerous but still, I want a peace of mind by breaking up in person....