Pregnant with abusive ex - attacked me last night

[Lizzie67384]

Hello

Looking for advice I guess - I am 6 weeks pregnant with my abusive ex’s baby - he has made it clear he doesn’t want the baby and is furious (tbf to him the condom split, so we were using protection).

On Wednesday night he came over to watch me take the abortion pill, I felt like I couldn’t do it so he forced my mouth open and tried to get me to take it, I managed to spit it out but he punched me twice in the mouth and left saying if I continue with this he will ‘make my life hell’.

I am 35 and the mother of a 6 year old (not his) - I feel like this is my last chance to have a baby but obviously I’m really scared of what could happen - I genuinely felt like he could have killed me on Wednesday. He kept saying ‘I can see myself getting locked up tonight’

I wondered if anyone else has been in a similar position?

Thanks

I hope you rang the Police, whatever you decide, you need to get away from this person for your sake and that of your DC.

Please report this assault to both the Police and your GP, you need to have your injuries documented. Do not let him get away with this. Your child must have been terrified if he/she was at home.

I would also contact Women’s Aid and seek their support too.

Many many women are in relationships with men who physically, sexually, emotionally and financially abuse them. You are far from being the only one.
Can you report the assault to the police? If you are in fear of your life, what will happen to your 6 year old?

I'm not going to tell you what to do about the baby.
But please, please, think long and hard about whether you really want to bring a baby into this world, which will tie you to this man for the rest of your life.

If you want another baby, you could go to a sperm bank, get an anonymous donor and be happy.

Just think of all the things he can do to you. He can get you involved in a long and expensive custody battle just to spite you. He can ask for visitation and abuse your child. He can try to stop you from going on holiday and leaving the country with your child. He can disappear and show back up again, doing god knows what psychological damage to your child - never feeling good enough, being abandoned and rejected by their father, .... And the courts won't protect you. Ask anyone here who's stuck raising a child with an abusive ex. They are never really out of your life and the fear that they will come back and cause damage is very real.

First, ring the police. Secondly, do you really want this man stuck in your life and your child's life? You already know he's abusive and dangerous. You're at risk or being injured or killed. And what happens to the baby? You're also at risk of social services being involved in your life, your 6 your olds life and your unborn babies life.
You need to think of the bigger picture.

Please report him to the police for this assault.
And please, please don't let your desire for a baby blind you to the reality of tying yourself to this man forever and more importantly, condemning a child to having this man as a father. You have a child, you don't need to have this baby. It would be selfish.

This this and this 👏👏

This happened to a work colleague of mine. People tried to advise her of how difficult it would be and she decided to keep going with the pregnancy and she ls had nothing but problems since. She says if she could turn the clock back then she would.

To be fair to her she was 37 at the time so felt her body clock ticking. OP has a child and they need to be thought about as well.

This man will make your life hell for a very long time and likely that of your baby too. There's a serious danger he could do serious harm to you both. Think about that.

Personally I would want rid of this man.

Whatever you decide you need to call the police.

Go to women's aid.

You need to be where he can't find you.

This. A man like this can spent the next 20 years making your life hell. Hurting your child because it hurts you.

Listen to what he's saying, he will make your life hell, please call the police and see a doctor, he won't stop.

I very much hope you phone the police. This man is very dangerous, violent men often escalate their violence which is when women are most vulnerable. Please do not have second thoughts about contacting the police - the next time he could kill you.
Regarding the pregnancy, only you can make the decision as to whether to continue with it or not. Remember though, that you will be connected to this man for the rest of your life - as will your 6 year old - if you decide to continue with the pregnancy.

Please take care, prioritise yourself and your 6 year old.

Please do not have a baby with this man. He is vile and disgusting and no child deserves a parent like him. He will have rights and he will be in your life.

This is not your last chance to have a baby at all but you will be less appealing to others if you have two kids by two different men.

Honestly he could come back and batter you again or worse. Think of your 6 year old.

Ring the police. Take pictures of your injuries.

He needs to be arrested or you and your baby will continue to be at life-threatening risk of violence.

If you want that baby then have the baby. The baby is not responsible for his father being a dangerous lunatic and it is entirely your choice as to what you do with your body.

If you report him to the police as well and document his behaviour it will be easier to restrict his access to the child in the future as well.

Believe him.

Get in touch with Womens Aid, and report the incident to the police.

If you have his baby you will not only link yourself to him and this behaviour for the rest of your life, but you will tie your 6yo to him too and put them in the firing line for his abuse too.

You need help, please seek it out immediately, tell the truth, accept what is offered. Do this for your child, if you can't do it for yourself.

Please report this horror to the police.
I agree with Pps, please think long and hard before you continue with the pregnancy, termination is a difficult decision to make but having a baby with this horrible man will tie you to him for life, and he will very likely use the child as a weapon against you xx

I can only echo was everyone else says.

Get yourself, your child and your unborn baby out of danger.

Go to A&E if you need treatment, which will also create a record.

Call the police and report him for assault, attempts to force abortion and threats against you. More records.

You mention him coming round - do you have a separate home if your own? If not, contact Women's Aid, local women's shelters, family, friends, anyone you can stay with to get you to safety.

He will do worse to you and possibly your child.

He has lost control over the situation and over you, which is a very dangerous place to be.

You said he’s an ex and mentioned him coming over, which suggests he doesn’t live won’t you. In addition to what everyone else has said, block block block. You don’t need to be having any communication with him, let alone having him come over. You have a child to protect.

He is clearly a dangerous man. Call woman's aid and the police immediately. I can understand your desire to keep the baby, but in doing so you tie yourself to this prick for the rest of your life and could potentially put you, the baby and your other child in danger. Do not let him into your house.

If you don’t report what he has done to you once you have this baby it’s going to look very strange when you deny him access because he assaulted you. You will have no evidence whatsoever and moreover judges do not ban contact where a man has assaulted the child’s mother.

Bank on him being around and causing trouble for a while to come yet

Totally agree with this

The best thing we can do for our children as mothers is to choose a good father for them.

I think you would be forever looking over your shoulder if you had a baby with this man. Do you really want to live that kind of life and do you want that for your 6 year old too.

I would really think carefully.

You are only 6 weeks, early enough to not tie yourself to this man for the rest of your life. How do you feel about handing your child over to an abusive man like this eow? How do you feel about knowing that he will hit your child? I don't think you wanting a child is more important than knowingly allowing your child to have a very traumatic and troubled life. You have control over your choice here.

The best thing we can do for our children as mothers is to choose a good father for them.

Sadly not many think about this. Op knows exactly what she's in for and that would be on her.

OP if you have this child you could be forced to hand this innocent child over to this dangerous, abusive man for 50 percent of the child's childhood.

Please please think carefully about this.

It is ultimately a choice for you and your body, and for no one else including him to dictate about.

But be very aware that your are looking at decades of abuse to yourself and both children if you go ahead with this pregnancy. He will be a constant force of negativity coming and going, and fucking up your mental health and your kid's too.

😔

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

Please report him to the police and talk to women's aid for advice and support. Take care of yourself.