Pregnant with abusive ex - attacked me last night

[Lizzie67384]

Hello

Looking for advice I guess - I am 6 weeks pregnant with my abusive ex’s baby - he has made it clear he doesn’t want the baby and is furious (tbf to him the condom split, so we were using protection).

On Wednesday night he came over to watch me take the abortion pill, I felt like I couldn’t do it so he forced my mouth open and tried to get me to take it, I managed to spit it out but he punched me twice in the mouth and left saying if I continue with this he will ‘make my life hell’.

I am 35 and the mother of a 6 year old (not his) - I feel like this is my last chance to have a baby but obviously I’m really scared of what could happen - I genuinely felt like he could have killed me on Wednesday. He kept saying ‘I can see myself getting locked up tonight’

I wondered if anyone else has been in a similar position?

Thanks

Well done op. You have literally dodged a bullet and saved yourself a world of pain.

What a brute he is.

Im sure you will meet someone else who is worthy of being in your life and your sons life.

OP, the police had no right to dismiss you like that. He assaulted you and made credible threats to ‘make your life hell’.

Have you seen your GP? Also Women’s Aid, who may be able to support you.

Thanks for your response; I haven’t seen the GP and won’t be speaking to women’s aid - I’ve booked for the termination and that is all my ex cares about - he doesn’t want to be together etc etc, so I won’t hear from him again once I have had the appointment

You must have been thinking about terminating the pregnancy or you wouldn’t have got hold of the pills. ( how did he know you had them btw? ). His abuse and violence are inexcusable, and you do need to report this assault, but having said that you do need to think about what you want and need to do, for yourself, for your six year old, and for a child who could be saddled with an abusive father dipping in and out of its life for ever.

Just seen your update. I think you have made the right decision.

The fact that your son wasn’t in the house is irrelevant - I was in a DV situation and children’s services got involved and also contacted OFSTED as I worked as a childminder, even though none of the children were there at the time of the incident. They also contacted HIS child’s school even though it happened at my house. Any child within his sphere needs to be protected.

I’m glad you’ve decided to go ahead with the termination. It really isn’t fair on your current child or any future ones to have this person in their life. Not to mention the impact on you being tied to such a violent arsehole. Take care of yourself.

I think the confusion came in when you said you would use the miscarriage excuse - this was suggested should you decide to continue with the pregnancy (terrible idea on both counts). At 6 weeks it’s barely a late period, you can have another child by donor or with someone else once the dust settles on all this. But please
choose more carefully and don’t be tempted to double down on a mistake because you feel like it’s your only chance. This wasn’t fate or somehow destined to give you a much wanted child, it was just a broken condom.

And call the police back. This was a horrific assault and needs to be taken seriously. If the person you spoke to really said that they need retraining, and you need to speak to someone else. Even if it is your word against his it will help to build a picture of his behaviour for any future instances of violence against you or a new partner.

Terminating is the right choice. Your 6year old doesn't deserve the hell this man will unleash and I have no faith in the justice system helping you. It's a really really shitty thing for you to have to go through - you should be able to keep the baby. But this man sounds dangerous.

You’re not being harsh, you’re simply wrong.

I work with victims of domestic abuse, helping them navigate the criminal justice system. The police saying that sort of thing is extremely common. It’s improper, immoral, and they are legally wrong - but they absolutely do say this sort of thing, and they say it more frequently than people realise.

It’s frankly horrid that you would essentially accuse the OP of lying when you clearly know nothing about how poorly the police deal with violence against women and girls.

OP, ignore those on here who don’t believe you. I know the system and I believe you. Please do follow up with a DA charity like women’s aid, and hopefully they can help you challenge the police’s inaction. Because abortion or not, you need to make sure you are protected from him. Very best of luck.

I really think you need to terminate this pregnancy
If you don't, this man will always be in your life and in your 6 year olds life.
Break all ties now.

I'm going to be a lot blunter than PP. If you continue with this pregnancy you are a fool. He has already told you that he will make your life hell, is that what you really want?

I spoke to someone recently who was in an abusive marriage when she became pregnant with her third baby. She had separated from him by the time she gave birth but she took the decision to have the baby adopted, to protect both herself and the baby.

I echo concerns of PPs.

No, it was suggested to say that rather than that I’d had an abortion, if you read the post.

i don’t think I’ve ever suggested that it was ‘fate’? Not sure where you got that from?

Perhaps read all OPs posts...

Before 'being blunter then pps" read ALL op's posts...