Realised he has spread a rumour about me

[UmberBiscuit]

I had a brief relationship with a man who ended it with me and I was crushed as I’d made it clear how much I liked him. We attend the same hobby group and know a lot of the same people. Before he ended it I pursued him as I couldn’t understand what was going on as he’d been so nice but then was so cold to me. It took a while but I managed to get out of him that he didn’t want to see me anymore and so although I felt very upset I left him alone. Looking back I think it was just an ego boost for him and nothing more. We have bumped into each other a few times since at our hobby group and it’s been civil, no drama or unpleasantness.

The painful thing for me is that he has clearly told some of his guy friends (that we both know) that I pursued him. I don’t think he has been honest about his side of things and that he led me on knowing he didn’t want a relationship with me. The reason I think this is because since this time three of the guys I know he is close friends with have acted differently around me- one keeps looking at me and smirks, another has asked me out - all are in long term relationships. It makes me wonder what they think of me?

I’m consumed with wondering what the hell he must have said about me. I’ll never know because if I ask him he will deny it and probably block me. I think I am the subject of gossip and humiliation in a social network I really cared about and went to regularly. It is ruining it for me and I’m struggling to stop thinking about the fact that these rumours about me will never go away. I don’t want to leave the group but don’t know how to feel better about it. I wish I knew what’s been said but I don’t think I can know. Anyone else heard gossip like this? What did you think of the other person? How can I handle it? This is hurting me so much.

Do not leave your friendship group, shuffling off as if you did something wrong. The men are knobs. when smirky smirks ask him why. When the other prat asks you out ask him if he has split from his dp. Just face them down . It's just gossip and really not that exciting. Soon you will be yesterdays news. Just get on with your life,hold your head high and don't date within the group.

Hes probably pulled the old "she was a psycho" every man I've ever been with has said that about an ex. Just ignore it all the people who matter won't believe horrible things about you.

A couple of snogs = brief relationship.

Why do you feel the need to pick over her words and try and make her out to be a liar?

There’s too many nit-picky little posts like this and I can’t fathom what you and others get out of it.

Please explain.

Leave the group,heal,move on love,life is too short.

I'm probably leaving myself wide open here but.
As my name suggests all men are not the same, he's the typical loudmouth tosser that some guys like me think what a prick he is and this is why we get such bad press, real men never kiss and tell they're honest and sincere
What he's probably done is what a teenager would do after a kiss behind the bike shed and lie about what really happened to boost his flagging ego and to prove what a real stud he is so his immature mates think what a great man he is but in reality he's just an immature dickhead who's probably never had a long term relationship and probably a virgin with a small organ trying to make himself look big.
Just ignore the tosser and hold your head up high knowing that you dodged a bullet there.

Or play him at his own game and tell everyone you dumped him for being too needy/having a tiny penis/having poor hygiene and see how much he likes being the subject of rumours and riducule!

I agree - don't leave the group. Hold your head high.

Sounds like you are tormenting youraelf over something you don't even kmow if its is true.

Being lead on is hard and does bruise the ego, but you will lose so much more if you let this guy stop you from going somewhere you enjoy with people you are friends with.

I had something similar years ago. I was mega into someone who was aloof. I used to go and even when he would dance with other girls, I had to pretend to be unaffected. We are still friends now. I got over it. He still cares about me so IMO its a win/win.

You liked him and so put effort into seeing if it would go somewhere- good for you. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not, and when it doesn't work it's painful, especially if mutual friends know that one person was more into it than the other. The friends in the group will know what he's like, they'll make their opinions based on their view, not what he says...You did nothing wrong, so stay in the group, enjoy the company of the others you share a hobby with, take pride that you put effort in and accept that it's ok to feel hurt that your feelings weren't recepricated. I wish I'd done what you did and told someone how I felt 22yrs ago, at least you won't live in regret of what might have been. You tried, it didn't work, now hold your head up and move on...

I've just posted today about some problem friends and the main male bully is just 100% like this!

He went on a date with me years back and came on very strong,and lunged at me etc, I liked him but was a little surprised but I did ask for another date the next day.
But by then he had spread rumours it was vice versa and I was desperate and jumped on him! And he didn't like me and it was never a date and he had a great time cruelly rejecting me.

Couldn't figure it out for years and only found out exactly what he had claimed a fair time later.

He then dated me again fairly recently when I made the mistake of thinking he had matured and also my friends pushed it as he had always liked me.

Anyway same thing happened after telling me he wanted to take it slow but i was perfect for him amd being all over me, he switched and spread rumours again.
He liked to suddenly silence a room announcing "lb640 is a salty woman over me" totally out of the blue. Or saying "I can't wait to meet a nice/intelligent/kind woman for a change" in front of me after he would ghost me for a date.

When I challenged it he did the misogynistic comments with our stupid mutual friends, saying women are this or that or hormonal....and now the whole group has dumped me for him. (I put down boundaries as he has picked on me since)

Not saying thatll happen with your group (my so called friends were awful people anyway) but i appreciate how horrible the atmosphere can be

Turns out it's just men with major issues. They're weak and narcissistic enough to take it out on women it seems as the world revolves around them and screw everyone else's feelings

In my case turns out 1. He can't get over his (very successful ) ex from mearly 20 years ago. 2. He was using me to make another girl jealous (they worked toegther and both torment me now so that's fun)

1. As he opened up to me as well about his personal stuff. I know he is very insecure and 'wants marriage and a life' but at same time he doesn't want to grow up or progress in any way in life. I think they call it peter pan man?

He wants to stay the baby of the family and be aged 13 forever (he's 35). He's very spoilt unlike his siblings.
His parents are kicking themselves now to be fair. But he's refusing to act like a mature adult man full stop.

And that includes pushing women and relationships away, and being pathetic enough to bully them, for his own issues.

Just know they'll likely be miserable sad cases, but at least we can get over them and build up!

Also people may not comment, but a lot will quietly be thinking what absolute 'twits' the men really are! X

Be glad it was only a kiss that came out of it in the end. You are probably worrying unnecessarily. He may have passed comment that you are looking for a man - so what, that's what single people do? So his mate thought he'd try his luck, except he's not even single, and that is yuck.
There's not a lot he could say that is embarrassing if you stopped pursuing him once he set you straight. Hold your head up, you've done nothing wrong. Creeps, hang around other creeps is all, ignore them.

Wanker baby 😂