Partner abandoned me on night out

[Hanz1985]

My partner (45) and I (37) were out with a few friends at the weekend…in a bar with good music, we were enjoying ourselves, then the attention turned to a group of women sat on another table, my partner said he thought it was the sister of some social media guy he sees online ( I don’t actually know who they are) so I was like, ‘ah cool’ kind of thing. But then he gets excited and said he’s going over chatting to them and I asked why, he said he just is and put his drink down, got up to go over, I said don’t go please, you don’t really need to? Like in my head they’d probably think he was chatting them up, he comes across flirty at times and I’d feel embarrassed. He went anyway. When he got back I asked what was said etc after a few minutes at their table but couldn’t get much sense, he was drunk then he went outside to talk to one of his mates, they were talking about me clearly. I went outside and asked is everything ok, my partner went in and left me with his mate, or so I thought. We spoke for a few minutes, I just said obviously I think he’s upset with me because I asked him if he’d not go over etc but sure everything would be fine. Got inside and he wasn’t there, assumed he’d gone to the toilet, we all carried on with our night. After 10 minutes I asked our friends had they any idea where he was as he’d been a while. His mate from earlier said yeah he’s had a text saying he’d gone home. I thought he was joking at first. But no, he’d phoned another one of his friends to pick him up and left me. I got really upset tbh, one that he’d left me and 2 our friends knew what was happening and didn’t tell me. We had to walk for a taxi. They were all being off with me and I asked if they think he should have left me and they could have told me? This didn’t go down too well and his friend turned on me and called me a dickhead and a few other choice words. We got back and my partner was locked out so had to go to our friends and get our house keys from there where they all laid into me and told me I’d ruined the night and I’m a prick etc, my partner didn’t stick up for me when his mate was calling me these names and neither did his wife. I did get a bit upset and started crying. They told me to get out, honestly I’ve never felt as alone in all my life. I’d had a drink yeah and maybe a small bit of jealousy came out but what followed in my eyes was a complete overreaction, I’m confused about our future and not sure if it’s all my fault like I’m made to believe 🥲

So your partner:
Makes you feel insecure through his behaviour
Walks off and leaves you in a pub on your own
Calls you names

You need to leave. You say you don't tolerate it but you are tolerating it by staying with him. Just dump him. He's never going to magically become a nice guy. He's a horrible person.

Seriously I’m utterly baffled as to why you’re still with this nasty piece of work.

There’s a saying ‘tell me who your friends are; I’ll tell you who you are’ something like that. Couldn’t be truer in this situation.

He sounds abusive as do his friends. Why on earth are you still with him?

OP, you need to leave and go home to your family. You say your Dad is 'old school', he isn't. Respect for your partner isn't old school, it's a basic part of a caring relationship. Your partner and his friends sound toxic. Don't waste any more time on them. Life is too short for this.

You moved into a nest of vipers, OP. Call home and ask for help. Then leave.

OP, in one of your updates, you said he has a temper! For that alone, you should run
Your dad knows he’s not treating you right. Please leave him and his horrible friends. You’ll be fine. It’s ok to have a period without a boyfriend.

With every update it's just getting worse. You have a crap partner and 'friend' circle. Please end this and remove all these shit people from your life.

OP, none of this matters... the crux of the issue is - he is abusive.

Do you know what abusers hate more than anything? Someone who fights back, which is what you do when you confront him (which isn't wrong, by the way, you are allowed to ask him questions, want to talk issues through and ask him to justify certain behaviour)

Unfortunately, when abusers are met with like, they escalate and that is when the physical violence starts.

You honestly would be better removing yourself from this man & his friends.

@Hanz1985

I don’t tolerate it, I always stick up for myself and ask not to be spoken to in that way, that’s why it escalates in my opinion.

It's more about him repeatedly calling you names and you choosing to remain in the relationship.

That's what I mean when I say tolerating it.

Sorry OP I'd be seriously questioning him in the toilets with that other woman...

Blimey OP. So:

1. your partner is an abusive arsehole
2. his friends don't sound any better
3. nobody in this bit of your social circle can handle their drink when they're out
4. people get spiked at your house and somehow that gets turned on you

Your Dad isn't "old school". He's right.

You know what I'd do? I'd phone my dad and ask him to come and pick me up with all my stuff and I'd get the hell away from that loser and go home to someone who wants what's best for me.

I know this is pure speculation, and there is every chance it isn't the case so please nobody jump on me for saying it out loud.

A thought that jumped out at me reading your post was the possibility that something might have happened with one of the group of girls he approached, hence the sudden disappearance afterwards and the friends got abusive and defensive to quieten you.

Like I said, I might be way off, and I really don't mean to put an idea in your head that isn't the case, but in case it is true, I thought I'd say it. Why on earth would he want to approach a group of women in a bar he didn't know? Then he vanishes straight after and leaves without telling you, sprry, but I'd be highly suspicious.

No

But you need to raise your bar

You can do much better than him

This is no way to live