Not sure he fancies me

[Maryplane]

If a man you’d been on a couple of dates with hadn’t complimented you or flirted with you at all, would you think that means he didn’t find you attractive?

I’m in this situation. First date was last week and second was yesterday. Got on really well with him both times, he is very easy to talk to.

He kissed me at the end of the first date and that went on for a good few minutes, it was “get a room” intensity.

And then on our second date yesterday he kissed me straight away and there was a lot of making out during the date itself. No groping, it didn’t go beyond first base but was still very passionate and intense.

In between the two dates we messaged a little bit but not much. He has always been warm and chatty but never flirtatious, has never complimented me and hasn’t responded to any overtures of that kind from me.

After we had been kissing for a long time yesterday I said to him that I’d been unsure as to whether he was attracted to me or not, because there was no flirtation in his messages even when I’d attempted to initiate some. And he said something along the lines of him not being someone who ever really flirts.

The way we left things was that he probably isn’t around next week in the evenings as he has his kids with him but he may be free at some point during the day. Both of our dates so far have been daytime meetings so that’s not an issue.

But again, I’m not sure if he’s interested. I did message him a couple of hours after our date yesterday to say I know he doesn’t do flirting but that I wanted to tell him how much I enjoyed kissing him and was looking forward to exploring more when we get the chance. He answered and said “the kissing is pretty great 😁” and then said something about the unfortunate number of passers by that we had to interrupt things for.

We haven’t messaged since but he spoke yesterday as if we are definitely seeing each other again and it’s just a question of scheduling.

He is new to online dating and I was the first person he’d ever met that way. I haven’t asked if he’s also meeting other women but am assuming that he is. I am also going on dates with other men but am really attracted to this guy.

On our first date we met halfway between his town and mine. And yesterday he drove down to my town to meet me, which was his own suggestion.

So he’s shown up for both dates, hasn’t messed me around in any way, has come down to my town to see me, has always responded to messages promptly and has physically shown me that he feels strong chemistry towards me.

But he’s not saying that he’s into me. My comment to him yesterday about looking forward to exploring more was an invitation for him to say he was looking forward to that too, looking forward to seeing me again, that kind of thing. And he didn’t 😐

I’m not sure what to think.

That's what i was thinking.

You barely know him. Clearly he wants to take it slow - a good sign.

Don't expect the communication patterns of people in long-term situations, when you've barely become acquainted.

I did go on a mini rant on our first date about how I detest the “morning beautiful, how’s ur day?” kind of messages a lot of men start sending as soon as you match with them. I remember saying that messages like that make me uncomfortable because they’re implying an intimacy that isn’t there yet.

But I do still want to feel that someone I’m a connection with does actually fancy me. I don’t need tons of flattery but just a couple of words to say he’s into me and wants to see me again would be reassuring.

So he has listened to exactly what you said - and you still not happy and are fishing for compliments 🤷🏻

I was in his shoes i would keep on walking tbh

I'm in IT and I haven't used a ZX Spectrum since the eighties.

Of course he fancies you @Maryplane.

Just take it easy and don't overanalyse it though, it's too soon.

@Maryplane
I think your insult to @tamaribest was totally uncalled for.

She said everything I was thinking and I'm not a nasty piece of work thanks very much. I just think you are very very intense and I've invested for having met a man twice

Hey, several of us have said @tamaribest has been spot on. Nothing they have written has been rude

My view is that after 2 dates he may well still be considering whether he fancies you (attraction is obvs more than just looks).

personally, it’s just been two dates, there’s no rush. If he’s into you, he will show you over time

Agree. And just giving out trite compliments means absolutely zero in terms of actual attraction. Words are cheap his actions will show you OP - give him a bit of time if you’re interested.

this made me LOL. The whole post made me think of my husband who is an engineer. Hes not interested at all in love bombs or 'romance' though he will make an effort for me. He is very interested in me but shows it in different, much more structured ways!

has he mentioned or even alluded to wanting a third date op?

Anyone can say anything, it is their actions that show how they really feel. If he is making an effort for dates, treating you well and not messing you around that is more important.

Do you even know what you want? Because sexual chemistry is wasted on someone not building it exclusively with you. If he were dating elsewhere but staying hush (as you are) you'd be less than thrilled, unless you aren't bothered about being taken seriously as a prospect, which I doubt. Driving hours to see you, attempting to kiss your face off again, that's plenty reassurance a man's into you. Dating around him regardless of his efforts to convey early interest? Not cool or fair play on your part. He's not getting your undivided and perhaps may have even picked that up, who knows? Would he be wrong for having intuition? I'd tell a mate the same. A phony friend will only tell you what you want to hear.

OP I hope this is just "getting to know you" teething troubles and your story has the ending you truly want. Look after yourself, I'm done here.

Well well put

“Not cool or fair play on your part”

He's definitely into you. I'd certainly hope so, given the marathon passionate make out sessions.
You sound a bit insecure tbh.
He's voting with his feet (or tongue) so to speak. Actions speak louder than words etc.
He definitely likes you sexually. Now it's up to you if you wanna go further. I personally don't see why you shouldn't.

is. I am also going on dates with other men but am really attracted to this guy.

you only met this on last week! Where are you finding the time as a single parent for all this dates within a week or so time frame?!

Haha no he wasn’t interested.

I know you did 😉

Yeah, I agree with all that. And tbh it’s also shown me that I can’t deal with getting physical at that stage, even if it’s only a makeout session. I would have been fine if we hadn’t kissed. Anyway, I’m taking it on the chin and moving on.