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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ouch 5 month relationship over

84 replies

Robinkitty · 26/06/2024 19:09

This hurts so much, he was perfect in every way and I’d fallen in love with him.
so many plans made for the next few months I was looking forward to and now it’s over just like that.. the pain is physical and I’m in shock. We got on so well and I miss him so much.
ill never find someone as perfect as him.

OP posts:
MsLavender · 26/06/2024 19:18

Assuming he ended things? Did he give a reason as to why? Any chance of rekindling things?

Hatty65 · 26/06/2024 19:18

Ok, well he wasn't 'perfect' because he didn't love you.

Start telling yourself that, for a start. A one sided relationship is far from perfect, and clearly he didn't feel the same as you. Don't convince yourself you'll never meet anyone better, because you will - you'll hopefully meet someone who values you more than he did.

Blouson · 26/06/2024 19:19

How did it end then?

Original poster
Robinkitty · 26/06/2024 19:21

He said it wouldn’t work long term due to our situations.. I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things..
he really was the best guy I’ve ever met in every way and I’m heart broken..

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/06/2024 19:25

Robinkitty · 26/06/2024 19:21

He said it wouldn’t work long term due to our situations.. I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things..
he really was the best guy I’ve ever met in every way and I’m heart broken..

He wasn’t the best guy you’ve ever met if he was on a dating app the day you split up

i bet he loved bombed you/planned for a future with no intention of following through

he’s a man that loves the chase and the euphoria that brings

cry over him for a night and then thank your lucky stars you can really find someone fab

voiceofastar · 26/06/2024 19:25

I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things.

Are you sure it wasn’t there all along? Either way, this is not Best Guy behaviour.

MsLavender · 26/06/2024 19:26

I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things.

Ouch. Could the profile have been one from before you met? It's a bit cold moving on so quickly but I guess at least he didn't keep stringing you along for longer. You probably only view him as perfect because he hadn't had much time for his flaws to start coming through anyway, no one is perfect OP.

SamW98 · 26/06/2024 21:16

Robinkitty · 26/06/2024 19:21

He said it wouldn’t work long term due to our situations.. I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things..
he really was the best guy I’ve ever met in every way and I’m heart broken..

He wasn’t the best guy you ever met. He was a future faking liar who was probably seeing or at least talking to other women.

Take him off of the pedestal and see him for who he really is. And be thankful it’s only a few months not years

WatieKatie · 26/06/2024 21:29

Big hug op. It may seem like he was perfect now, it won’t in 3 months time.

ScrollingLeaves · 26/06/2024 22:22

rubyslippers · 26/06/2024 19:25

He wasn’t the best guy you’ve ever met if he was on a dating app the day you split up

i bet he loved bombed you/planned for a future with no intention of following through

he’s a man that loves the chase and the euphoria that brings

cry over him for a night and then thank your lucky stars you can really find someone fab

Show quote history

He wasn’t the best guy you’ve ever met if he was on a dating app the day you split up

I thought this too.

If he was the best guy, then you’ve met some not very good ones.

But I am very sorry you

had so many hopes dashed and are very unhappy now.

ThisIsaNiceDress · 26/06/2024 22:26

This too shall pass… you won’t believe it right now, but there are other men out there…
been there done that, went through hell but it was for the best!!

Teacherprebaby · 26/06/2024 22:28

Robinkitty · 26/06/2024 19:21

He said it wouldn’t work long term due to our situations.. I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things..
he really was the best guy I’ve ever met in every way and I’m heart broken..

No he wasn't, you'll see that in a few weeks. Sorry, I know this part is shit. Whatever you do keep your dignity.

CalicoPusscat · 26/06/2024 22:33

You're idealising him.

It hurts right now but keep busy and focus on yourself and you'll spring back.

GoldDuster · 26/06/2024 22:39

Nobody is perfect in every way, don't kid yourself, it won't help. You can either tell yourself he was perfect, your life is over because you'll never meet another man like him, and wallow. Or you can accept that he was a fallible human that actually wasn't as into you as you were to him, and therefore he was of no use to you whatsoever. There's no shortage of men, there are literally millions of them out there. Next.

Also, in order to see that he was on a dating app the day you split up, you'd have had to be... on a dating app?

whatrthechances · 26/06/2024 23:06

Aw I feel your pain op as I recently went through something similar after an 8 month relationship and it hurts like hell. My arsehole of a man didn't have the guts to dump me but decided to suddenly ghost me and I found out he was trying to get back with an ex. I actually feel such a fool for being taken in by his love bombing, I've since realised what a narcissistic twat he was.
Having said that I still think about him daily and miss him even though I know he was a no good arsehole. it's hard but getting easier it's 3 months now since I last seen him.

Treesinthewind · 26/06/2024 23:13

I’m two months out of a relationship that only lasted 3.5 months and it’s been one of my worst break-ups I’ve been through because it felt like there was still so much promise. We tried staying in touch as friends, but it was too painful as there are still feelings on both sides. It’s doing no contact at all that’s allowed me to start moving on properly. I’m so sorry about seeing him on an app. That really hurts.

pancakesallday · 26/06/2024 23:21

I could have written the exact same. He ghosted me instead of explaining things, I was so hurt. 6 months of a seemingly amazing relationship and so much love bombing / future chat.

A few weeks after we split up I found him on a swinging app (yes I logged in with an old account I used to have many moons ago to see if he might be there. He was). Weirdly that helped as he made me realise we wanted different things and I'm glad he set me free. I got myself STI checked as I wondered whether he'd been on there all along 🤢 Really didn't seem the type nor would he have had the time I don't think but of course I had him all wrong, so.

It will get easier, I promise.

ScrollingLeaves · 26/06/2024 23:24

GoldDuster · 26/06/2024 22:39

Nobody is perfect in every way, don't kid yourself, it won't help. You can either tell yourself he was perfect, your life is over because you'll never meet another man like him, and wallow. Or you can accept that he was a fallible human that actually wasn't as into you as you were to him, and therefore he was of no use to you whatsoever. There's no shortage of men, there are literally millions of them out there. Next.

Also, in order to see that he was on a dating app the day you split up, you'd have had to be... on a dating app?

^Also, in order to see that he was on a dating app the day you split up, you'd have had to be... on a dating app?*

Seeing if this was the reason he was breaking up with her perhaps?

FloydPink · 26/06/2024 23:34

Treesinthewind · 26/06/2024 23:13

I’m two months out of a relationship that only lasted 3.5 months and it’s been one of my worst break-ups I’ve been through because it felt like there was still so much promise. We tried staying in touch as friends, but it was too painful as there are still feelings on both sides. It’s doing no contact at all that’s allowed me to start moving on properly. I’m so sorry about seeing him on an app. That really hurts.

Similar for me - 11 months, and it's been on an off for the last but it turned out that she didnt want a serious relationship after all. For me it's the hardest breakup ever, even after a 20 year marriage to Kids mum.

We are in that awkward are we friends or not situation. I have honestly never loved anyone as much and both of us have nothing bad to say about each other. We have tried no contact but both break it. The thing is we have are close to each other and mix in same circles so will never be able to avoid each other.

To the OP, best of luck in getting through this. What I am finding helps is to actually trigger memories rather than avoid situations/places. For example a pub we used to go to a lot, I went back there and it was sad but next time I go it wont be so bad, sort of confronting things.

MonsteraMama · 26/06/2024 23:39

Aaah break ups that take place during the honeymoon period can be the hardest! Because you're losing the future, the hopes, the dreams, all the wonderful lifetimes your hormone addled brain cooked up for you with this guy. It's a strange and overpowering kind of grief.

Hugs and sympathy, you will get through it and find someone who is an infinitely better fit.

Snugglemonkey · 26/06/2024 23:48

Robinkitty · 26/06/2024 19:21

He said it wouldn’t work long term due to our situations.. I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things..
he really was the best guy I’ve ever met in every way and I’m heart broken..

I don't know what kind of crappy men you might have had, so this is obviously v subjective, but the best guy ever will be better. He will be different, but better. Because the best guy for you will see your worth and will love you. He will make it work even if situations are difficult. You will make it work too. You will make the effort for one another and have each other's backs.

You are 5 months in. You have strong feelings, but this is not long term love. I am no saying that to be mean, or to deride your pain. I totally appreciate that you are hurting, but mourn the right thing. An exciting potential. That is what this was, all it was. Do not give this man more power than he deserves.

Treesinmygarden · 26/06/2024 23:53

He's an actual dick. You deserve so much better!! On a dating app already? Sweetheart, this man is not perfect - trust me, I'm old and no man is. He's a hateful, useless arse. Onwards and upwards! x

TheBestFriend · 26/06/2024 23:58

You will be fine. Just don’t get into a headspace where you think you might get back together. You won’t and he doesn’t deserve you cos he isn’t obsessed with you and wouldn’t make you happy, you deserve someone who is. Don’t contact him and ask why etc.

Think of all the annoying little things about him. All the bad times. For a while block out anything that may remind you of him. Talk to friends if you feel you need to get thoughts related to him out of your head.

I dated someone that seemed amazing and treated me amazing for a few months. If anything use it to raise your standards - now you know how the next guy should treat you (apart from the last bit!!) and that you can realistically expect a man to be everything and more in a relationship.

The next one (when you’re ready) will be better and a better fit for you.

Original poster
Robinkitty · 27/06/2024 00:14

Thanks guys. I haven’t got anyone in real life I can speak to so it helps to put this here:
I know that technically he wasn’t perfect. But to me he was, his imperfections made him perfect to me. The last weekend we spent together flew past, the whole time we spent laughing and enjoying each others company we left and the spent the next day talking about our plans for the next month and then day after he just ended things.
this is a real pain, like I can’t even sit and cry it’s more like it feels like my whole world has been swept out from under my feet..
I’ve no doubt I’ll ever meet anyone else, the dating app (from my past goes) were full of unattractive, uncommunicative, wierd and scary men then he came along and I thought how lucky I was, for the past 5 months my feet haven’t touched the ground and then boom I’m back down to earth..
things are not going well for me at the moment.. health issues, financial issues, family issues (he didn’t know about any of this) im so lonely and alone..

OP posts:
voiceofastar · 27/06/2024 00:49

Oh love, you’re never alone with Mumsnet. As PP have said, he was a future faker. It’s cruel. Why can’t you speak to anyone IRL about this?