Ouch 5 month relationship over

[Robinkitty]

This hurts so much, he was perfect in every way and I’d fallen in love with him.
so many plans made for the next few months I was looking forward to and now it’s over just like that.. the pain is physical and I’m in shock. We got on so well and I miss him so much.
ill never find someone as perfect as him.

So sorry @Robinkitty - been in exact same situation almost 5 years ago. I haven’t dated someone since, as it really made me bitter.
Now, I don’t miss having a man around at all.
What did he mean by your ‘situations’ ?

I think the ‘situations’ was an excuse.. basically a 25 minute drive between us and kids, nothing that couldn’t be worked around for the right person..
I am utterly heartbroken.. he was just so wonderful and fun and handsome I’ll never meet someone like him it’s been the best 5 months of my life and I wouldn’t have changed a minute of it.. I feel so jealous that someone else will be with him soon and so sad that I wasn’t good enough..

So, there wasn’t a situation at all really.
I’m so sorry. Sending love ❤️

Was he quite newly separated OP?

No he had been single for a long time…
I messaged him last night and he hasn’t even read my message.. I’m beginning to wonder if I was love bombed? He showered me with his generosity and good nature and even the day before he dumped me was using nickname, talking about where we would go and what we would do and then 24 hours later he’s dumped me, back on the dating Webb site and ignoring my messsges whilst I’m here in actual physical pain

Yeah this is what I was about to say. Surprised it hasn’t been raised earlier.

@Robinkitty Either you were already on a Dating app or you rushed out and reactivated your profile on one the very same day you broke up which doesn’t look good either.

What makes it ok for you to do that but not him?

Sorry to hear this, he wasn't genuine, most likely never came off the app and found someone else he wants to date. Please Don't think it's anything wrong with you, men like that are never satisfied for long, that's why he's been single for so long, he's playing the field and I bet no one stays with him that long.

Sorry to hear this, he wasn't genuine, most likely never came off the app

What if he’s thinking the same thing if he has saw Op on the app?! It’s works both ways!

I went on the app out of desperation trying to find out whether or not he was, trying to work out what was going on without him being clear .. I had my profile on private mode so he won’t have seen me..

I found him on a dating app the same day he ended things.
he really was the best guy I’ve ever met in every way and I’m heart broken.

Those two statements directly contradict one another.

He’s not who you hoped he was. You’ve built him up to be your perfect man, but he wasn’t. He just was not.

So move on. Take a break from the dating apps. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Singing lessons, pottery, metal detecting whatever. Choose something that interests you and enjoy.

Good luck.

I really feel for you, the first man I properly dated after my ltr broke down broke my heart. I did meet someone who's the real deal 3 years later.

There's no such thing as perfect. Limerance in the honeymoon phase is like being on drugs, it clouds your vision. If you break up during that it feels unnaturally difficult. You've not seen their dirty undies so to speak and anyone can play Mr perfect for a few months.

By definition, the perfect person for you wants to be with you. They're also not on a dating app a day later. He was behaving and saying things one way with you...so much so that you were head over heels. But privately felt and thought differently. That's not perfect, that's someone who hides things while putting on a good show.

Eventually you'll figure out other signs you dismissed before. In the every day slang he's a love bomber and future faker.

Now you need to prepare yourself for what to do if and when he wants to come back to you.
Sounds like you were quite well matched and people can often go back for more if they can’t find a new person.

If he gets in touch remember how he has made you feel. How he has treated you. People only show you the respect you show yourself

If he did come back to me I would snap him up straight away.. I actually messaged him last night (shame on me) he didn’t even read my message.. that’s so cold is t it? I mean 5 months together and he can’t even read my message..
I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day..

In order to make it through the day you stop telling yourself that this perfect man has taken his perfect love away from you and ruined your one chance at a good life, and accept that you spent a few weeks getting to know someone and actually, you felt something that he didn't and it didn't work out, you got carried away with the rose tinted glasses, put him on a pedestal and your judgement was a bit off.

Your thinking is within your control, your thoughts inform your feelings and behaving like a passenger going to feel much worse.

At least one of you has got kids and if it's you you're going to have to coach your kids through their own heartbreak sooner or later, it happens to everyone, it's a side effect of life. Stop clinging on to a fantasy, delete and block his number. Every time you think "my life is over, he was perfect" that's building pathways in your brain, neurons are firing and it becomes a hard habit to break. Don't do it to yourself.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

That would be a serious error, he's shown you he can do romance at 100 and then dial it to 0 without a word of warning. That's not normal, or decent, or genuine. What do you actually value in people?

You have to realise you're mourning the loss of what could have been. You really didn't know him well enough in that time to really know if he would have been a good long term partner.

I've been there. It's that hopelessness that you've seen what's out there (mostly rubbish!) then along comes someone seemingly great and you think "finally, my turn has come". Then it gets snatched away from you. It does hurt and feels so cruel. Now you're left thinking I'll never meet anyone like that again.

But someone who can do this to you, cut you off without a second thought. That's not a good man. Even if you did get back together, you would never feel safe and secure in the relationship and that's no way to live. And men who leave once will leave again. Always. He's obviously looking for someone else. Do you really want to be his temporary fallback?

I know how much it hurts right now. There's no quick fix or easy way through it but it will pass. Be kind to yourself. Block any way of seeing what he's doing or contacting him. It only prolongs the pain otherwise. Take it one day at a time and you will feel better in time.

Thank you so much for the responses it really helps to read sensible advice..
when my marriage ended it was awful but I was glad to be away from the abuse and horrible side of it.. when I left my last relationship I was sad and missed him but this is so much worse.. I think because of how perfect everything was when he suddenly stopped it all together.. I’m actually angry now and there’s nothing I can do about it.. it’s desperation and I hate the way that I feel.. I can’t believe that this time last week I was packing my bags to go and spend the weekend with him, texting back and forth and feeling so happy and excited and now I’ll never get to see him again and I’m in a pit of doom that I can’t see a way out of.
Reading back his messages even 24 hours before he ended things he was making plans with me.. I just can’t believe it.

Hes not perfect

The picture of him that HE ALLOWED YOU TO SEE AND THAT HE FAKED, was perfect

He is an unpleasant uncaring man

NOW he has allowed you to see him properly and fully

Don't pine after the fake persona he showed you for a while

Vile man

Bit early for the theatrics isn't it, you hardly knew the guy after 5 months.

Take off the rose tinted specs. You weren't the perfect girl for him, he wouldn't have been on dating apps.

I've heard (unconfirmed myself) the best way to mend a broken heart is to jump back into the saddle.

I know you’re hurting OP but stop romanising this twat like he was Prince Charming. He was a future faking liar probably already chatting to others at the very least.

He wasn’t perfect he was an illusion. Probably mirrored you to reel you in because your reaction after a few months seems extremely dramatic.

Why would you even think about going back to someone who has treated you so appallingly?

He was probably the best man I will ever find.. I’ve been on these dating websites for a long while now so I’m mourning him and what I’ve lost.. it’s not theatrics I genuinely feel awful, I’m really hurt

I mean this kindly but get over yourself. No good man behaves like this.

No he isn’t. Hes a future faking liar who has treated you appallingly.

Hes not a good man so stop deluding yourself because you’re living in cloud cuckoo land.

You've created a fantasy person in your head who doesn’t exist

I can’t stop reading over our messages.. he said so many lovely genuine things to me..
why did he suddenly decide to end things and cut me off so quickly? What could have changed so fast. I’m so confused.

I keep thinking I should have tried to speak to him more.. if I’d have got the chance to discuss things properly about our situations maybe this wouldn’t have happened