Ouch 5 month relationship over

[Robinkitty]

This hurts so much, he was perfect in every way and I’d fallen in love with him.
so many plans made for the next few months I was looking forward to and now it’s over just like that.. the pain is physical and I’m in shock. We got on so well and I miss him so much.
ill never find someone as perfect as him.

@Robinkitty

Careful you don’t turn into a stalker.
Time for a dance round the kitchen music full blast.

I totally understand how much it hurts but, and this is not intended to sound rude, you come across as quite desperate in your posts - desperate for it to work & desperate for him to be Mr Perfect.
He clearly isn't Mr Perfect because of the cold way he has love bombed you & then simply abruptly ended it.
Maybe it's time to step away from the apps for a while rather than hoping for him to come back or looking for someone else.
Developing your own life, interests, social life etc is never time wasted.

Sorry OP everyone has tried to be sympathetic and helpful but you’re not listening and quite frankly you are starting to sound unhinged.

I think we are starting to see the issue and it’s not him

That’s true I do feel unhinged.. this is my sounding board I am not like this is “real life” I’ve got up, cleaned my house and functioning normally but these are all the thoughts running through my head..

I really am listening and taking things on board and it’s helping

That was totally uncalled for.
FWIW, I too was love bombed and had the rug pulled out from under my feet after only 6 weeks, so stop giving the OP a hard time as it was ‘only’ 5 months.
OP: I got over it, and you will too. ♥️♥️♥️

Just be kind to yourself, he love bombed you and just switched to cold and let you down with a bang. It's a shock to the system and you're trying to make sense of it. In time you'll realise he wasn't so perfect. You've been high on endorphins and now that supply has been cut off . Treat yourself this weekend, take time to lick your wounds but don't text him again , you're only hurting yourself more.

This is harsh. Op’s self-questioning and rumination is part of the healing process.
Op, you’ve had some really good advice here, but it may take time to accept it.

You’ve been heavily manipulated and this emotional abuse will take time to work through. For a long time afterwards the mind can throw random events/snippets of conversation up leading to agonising rumination.

As time goes on you will see there were red flags from the beginning. Please get some counselling because you MUST ensure you stay away from him. Block him on everything, don’t let him come back for Round 2 of mind-fuckery.

This happened to me, over a much longer period. Feel free to pm me.

Well done on getting up cleaning your house - doing better than me there! I’m still scrolling in bed lol

It is difficult but you just need to accept that’s his decision and really there’s nothing you can do to change it. And also the image that he created of who he was clearly wasn’t the full picture since this has taken you by surprise.

It may sound cynical but I never fully trust any man, maybe 98% but not 100%. There’s always a chance that a man (or woman) can betray or shock you in a variety of ways. It’s human nature, and it happens a lot. You see it on here people “happily “ married for 20 years and their spouse has just upped and left. Took them by surprise. Such is life.

Listen to your favourite playlist or some podcasts if that’s your thing. Cook your favourite meal, do some exercise, go for a walk, write down some plans for later on in the year or go for lunch with a friend.

OP, I get it, I really do. It's hard. But you need to work on your mindset, because you are making yourself miserable. You can't control other people, but your actions and reactions are up to you.

Get yourself on YouTube and dive into dating coach Matthew Hussey.

@Robinkitty the man you think you love doesn't exist
also you don't really love him as you never really knew him - he represented the escape from all the challenges you are facing right now.
what you really need is some support to deal with the difficulties in your life right now. can you join a hobby group to make some new friends?
can you do some of those plans you made by yourself? maybe go on a little day out by yourself while kids are in school? or if you have someone who can look after the children- a couple of days away.

maybe take a break from OLD. finding a man isn't the path to happiness. find your own happiness, if you also find a man along the way who adds to your happiness - great. if not, carry on with your own life.

They weren't genuine

That was his love bombing pretend face

Now you see the real him

Stop focusing on the pretend fake him

His fake pretend personality was wonderful and the best fake pretend person you have ever dated

You're hurt that he pretended to be a certain person?

I can understand that

He was cruel to you. It was very unkind to show you a fake personality

But YOU DONT WANT WHO HE REALLY IS

And fake/pretend him, does NOT EXIST

OP, you need to block him and delete his number so you can't message him again in a moment of weakness. In the nicest way, he won't respond to you because he doesn't want to, he doesn't care. He isn't the man you thought he was. Nothing you say or do will change his mind, and there will always be "one more" thing to say, its best to say nothing.

Stay busy, stay distracted, spend time with your children, your family and friends.

I could have written this myself about my break up. mine also love bombed me telling me soo many lovely and what I thought was genuine at the time things. mine was an older guy too and i still can't get my head around why a guy of his age would still behave like a young "player" and say and do all this things. And as you say in your following post if only you had the chance to speak to him I've always thought that too. I'd love to know why tf he said all those things and made future plans that were all false and he had no intentions of going through with. they are definitely game players set out to destroy lives the only person they love is themselves.
It will get easier over time just focus on being busy and keeping your mind occupied and off him as much as possible. it's hard I know.

He actually finally did respond to the message that I sent him..only took him 3 days to bother to read it..
said he’d made his mind up and at the end told me no hard feelings.. I called him out and told him he’s really hurt me and that I found him on the dating app.. I feel better getting that off my chest at least.. now he knows

It's good advice not to contact the ex in these scenarios. However, sometimes saying your piece can make moving on easier. Doesn't change anything but at least you get to express how you feel. It's not all bottled up inside.

That said, he's made it very clear OP. Please don't contact him again as he could well turn nasty and that would hurt you more.

I can see that in your mind he switched suddenly but chances are he's felt this way for a while. I had an ex once. Long distance and we used to spend weekends together. One weekend we'd had a lovely time (including having sex) and he broke up with me as he was due to leave Sunday night. I couldn't understand it and asked why he waited till then and he actually said "I wanted to give you one last good weekend". At that, I did get really angry! But it shows you how people think sometimes.

I experienced something similar OP. I went very off the rails. I tried thinking all the rational stuff people are saying here but it didnt help. It's 2 months now and the pain is less intense but still there. One thing that helps a little is to discuss the negatives. The things that made you pause a second before they dumped you and you started idolising them completely. For example my guy used to make some very judgemental comments about people. Even though I was big into him it always made me pause and go "hmmm". I posted some details here and he got roasted. I found it helpful. I get moments of relief when I realize he was an arse and I feel normal. Next day I'm back to idolizing though. It's a process.

The best of guys do t go on dating apps if they’re in a relationship. How old are old. You sound very immature. You’ll get over it and meet someone decent. You just need time. Don’t contact him.

I’m quite old actually.. hence why this does hurt extra bad as I do see it as my last shot..
I guess I’ve got to make peace with single life and concentrate on the things which are important.. to be honest after this I really don’t want to get involved with anyone again..

Try to work on this belief that he was your “last shot” : as you say, it’s another reason why this hurts so much and this scarcity mindset may have contributed to your missing the warning signs. Stay away from OLD unless you’re feeling mentally robust: it’s a horror show and will make you feel a lot worse.

It’s cliché but if you learn to find happiness elsewhere: in friends, hobbies and doing things to increase your self-esteem, you will reduce others’ power to hurt you in this way again.

You’re craving the dopamine hit of his attention atm. It’s like coming off a drug and so it will take time to find pleasure from other sources.

There are millions of people out there, believe that it was not your “last shot”! Grief comes in waves; when you’re feeling low, remind yourself that he’s a fake and you are a genuine person, with real capacity for love. He lost someone who genuinely cared for him, whilst you lost someone who lied and misrepresented his intentions.

Honestly, you are better off without him. And you will be okay.

OP, you have a scarcity mindset. He wasn't 'the one', the right person for you will choose you too. He wasn't 'the best guy you've ever met', actually he's treated you in quite a shoddy way. This wasn't 'your last chance', there are MILLIONS of single men in the world, and people of all ages fall in love every day.

You have low self-esteem and you've been taken for a ride by a charming man who said the right things and reeled you in and then ditched you when he began feeling responsible for your feelings. I have been there and it sucks. I got over it - very quickly - by making a list of all the red flags I will not be ignoring next time and everything that I learned about myself from the experience.

Onwards and upwards x

Thank you.. I really can’t see any red flags with him though and that’s what cuts so bad.. I genuinely thought he was so wonderful
he made me feel so happy and safe and then dropped me literally overnight.. it’s so cold.

I definitely am coming off the dopamine fix of his affections.. and looking back I can see I was always craving that next hit like an addiction. Thank you.