I am currently signed off work with stress and depression, after just fighting on for a long time (too long).
It has been caused by things going on in my life, but I don’t know how to change things and there’s no one I can talk to about it. I would REALLY appreciate some outside views on this.
I’ve been married to my husband for 14 years. He is a farmer’s son and has two siblings. I moved countries to live with him and when married I moved into a mobile home on the farm with him, where we lived for the next 4 years. We then saved and renovated a barn on the farm, spending around £100k. It does not belong to us and never will, but FIL promises we can live there forever….or until he falls out with us or changes his mind.
I live next door to my in laws and in ‘their’ house. To say that they have behaved appallingly towards me for the last 15 years would be an understatement. I won’t go into their behaviour as it would get too long, but they are very unpleasant people (all under a veneer of respectability). My husband had a very emotionally (and physically at times) abusive childhood at their hands, and is absolutely unable to deal with any kind of emotion as a result.
The IL’s and H’s sister have gone out of their way to make me feel unwelcome. H works away for long periods and during these times the IL’s have treated me very badly.
The area we live in is beautiful but very remote and very anti towards my nationality. I don’t want this to be too outing.
This has meant that I have really struggled to make friends or have any kind of life.
Everything is miles away, and the casual xenophobia here means that no one wants to know me beyond a hello. I’ve not struggled making friends before in my life but I am an absolute pariah here. It’s miserable.
I have brought up our children alone as H is a workaholic and rarely here. I am exhausted physically and mentally. I am just a shell of myself.
I have told H that this is an unbearable situation and we/I have to leave. He claims to love me and has half-heartedly looked at some houses, but he doesn’t want to move. He wants to stay on the farm, despite FIL saying he will leave it to the sister, H doesn’t seem to be able to cut the ties.
Whilst I’ve been off work he has basically just carried on with his own life as normal, with just fond wishes and hopes now and then that I’ll soon be ‘feeling better’ 🙄
He has done nothing to support me. He doesn’t even text me each day to ask how I am (he works every single day and is away Monday to Friday so I don’t see him that often).
I have laid it out to him in the clearest possible terms that I need more support, and that I need to leave this place. At the time he fully agrees and says he understands etc, he will do whatever it takes blah blah. Then goes back to just living his life.
I cannot go on like this. But what do I do?
I don’t have anyone to talk to. I have a counsellor who can’t advise me. My mum has her own issues and if I told her how things are would just cry.
My old friends I have mostly gradually lost touch with.
I don’t have any recent friends.
I need help.
Thank you