I have name changed so I can be totally honest without worrying I’ve been recognised.
i had a thread on here last year about my marriage, where I discovered half way through DH was having an emotional affair and that’s why things were feeling off between us. Since then, we have both had a LOT of counselling both separately and together, and I ultimately decided to stay.
I uncovered a lot of other things at the time, DH has spent a lot of our savings (£80k) and had also cheated on me at the start of our relationship for the first few months when he was still (unbeknown to me) living with his ex when I thought he was working away. It basically was a lot of big and small betrayals, which I discovered all at once and completely destroyed my world.
DH has worked his ass off this year to try and “make things better” he’s had so much counselling which was very much outside his comfort zone initially, and has genuinely changed in behaviour in ways I would never have thought possible. He’s done and still does everything in his power to make me feel more comfortable (we only have 1 bank account now / find my location on phones / full access to phones and emails etc) I initially said I wasn’t staying, but our counsellor said if I wasn’t sure, then what would giving it 6 months hurt to see if we could work it out and DH could prove himself to me. I genuinely think he terrified himself thinking he would lose me and is now trying to get an A* in being a husband to make it better.
I love my husband, I want our marriage to work still, but I just feel so detached almost from our life. We have moved house, our marriage has probably never been better in that we are close, communicate better, and get on so well now. He’s trying SO hard to be the husband he used to be - he writes me love notes every day, he reassures me constantly, he’s trying to be as transparent as he can be at all times, but I just feel, I don’t know - lacking in energy about it all?
Im struggling with a lot of “this time last year” I thought X was happening but really it was Y. Our wedding anniversary is coming up, which is a sore spot as he was hospitalised last year and I sat sobbing worrying about him, and he was transferring her huge sums of money and sending her selfies.
My confidence is on the floor, I almost feel like I need to fall apart but I’m scared he will run a mile if I’m not pretty / nice / loving etc. He’s trying so hard to be romantic, and I feel like I need to throw myself into it because I want this, I want our marriage to work, but I also just feel detached and can’t be bothered.
Please try not to say LTB (though I would be screaming it at me too) as I genuinely want to try and make things better, but has anyone been through this? Is it normal to feel this way? Why do I have so little energy?! Can trauma response last this long? Sorry this is so long. It’s so hard to describe what it feels like!