Over-Reactive Boyfriend

[xTheLoudLeaderx]

My partner is an addict. He blames me for a lot doesn’t offer me much support or a romantic connection. He’s got a short temper and often shouts at me and raises his voice - even leaves me red in the face because I’m that embarrassed. Then he gives me a dressing down of how he’s got deep rooted anxiety of arguing in public due to his parents and how he was brought up, yet he’s doing the same to ! And worse !

And you’re with him why?

And what are his good points?

Yeah both good points. When I met him he was everything I wanted, the “alpha male” of his group, mad sexual connection, now 2 year down the line he’s not got a job, told me he’s always been the provider in his last relationship, gave his first ex 30k and last ex 10k, now he’s met someone with a better paid job than him he’s decided to slowly slowly live off me. All his mates know and can see what’s happening but don’t say nothing.

Hes really attractive but to live around, he spits everywhere, coughs all over, isn’t tidy, sneezes like someone with an addiction and constantly blowing his nose… YACK - but yet still manages to look good and be “that guy” when it comes to going out. It’s mad. I don’t know how I’ve not nipped it in the bud over the last 2 years it’s been declining. I’ve just turned into a provider :(

Spilt up, he sounds awful.

& then obviously on top of all his he’s now started raising his voice at me in public places… and then blames me for “not listening” or just having an opinion. Actually called me a woman with a cock for challenging opinions or “dominance” in conversations.

More fool you then. Do better.

Dump him. Dense and self destructive not to. Hope you find the strength to do so.

Btw it’s quite likely you’ll end up with an arsehole if you want an ‘alpha male’.

Do you own your house? Get rid of him. Definitely do not have children with him. He sounds like a pig.

Yeah this is the 3rd time it’s happened with the same “type” - but this is the worst and he’s 10 years older than me !!

I do believe some people just attract a certain kind of person, as in I want the nice life and loving relationship - but it’s just not coming my way !

No I’ve always owned my own house. This is my 3rd relationship and all have turned out similarly to this or been cheated on - so lucky been able to get rid except this time “he doesn’t have anywhere to go” I if did end things, he can’t possibly go back to his mum and dads at 45 … hummmmmpf !!!

I think you ought to separate, and it seems like you've come to the same conclusion in your updates.

If you are being drawn to the same type of man, I think you ought to have a break from dating and seek some counselling so that you can break this pattern. You are worth so much more than this nasty man.

Edited to add- his living situation is not your problem. Boot him out. He can get a job and pay his own rent.

Or you’re choosing to stay with a dickhead???

Your posts are oddly upbeat as though you are proud of your poor choices. What is the point of your thread?

He sounds vile. Dump him in the safest way possible.

Thanks this is good advice, I’ve always had 2-3 years single not been looking then BOOM met a crazy passionate person and it’s gone to crap.

When really I’m just finding myself and getting used again! Going for the same type and not learning what love is. Love isn’t what I’ve experienced and I can see it when I compare to my friends. My friends are literally all in long term relationships or married and my dating is like the re-occurring joke almost so no one gives me advice 🤦‍♀️

He’s a middle aged man - he’s capable of finding somewhere to live without it being your problem.

They aren’t oddly upbeat.

It’s reassuring to talk. If you haven’t been in my position and you haven’t got anything positive to say then please shut up.

Why are you replying to pointless post ? You must be bored.

Im looking for support.

Thanks girl !

Try not to worry about what your friends are doing and saying. You've recognised that you are drawn to unhealthy relationships for some reason. Far better to be happy alone and try to break this pattern than shack up with someone for the sake of it.

Nowhere for him to go? He’s a middle aged man, not a helpless little baby. Kick him out. You can do it!

I’ve told him to leave ! He’s said he can’t move back in to his parents. We had an argument and he said things had been crap for a year so I said why haven’t you found anywhere else to live in that year then ? And it just went down like I was a horrible person. I think we both want to end things, I’ve just somehow become a provider - and we are “friends” as in we do get on and have a laugh, but it isn’t the relationship we both want. We’re both mad and passionate and we aren’t getting that together.

You're never going to get that stable loving relationship you long for if you're with him. The quicker he's gone, the sooner you can heal yourself and move forward with your life. Every day you let him stay is a wasted day you'll never get back.

Ah, we cross posted. Well done telling him to leave! He can argue about that all he likes really, it's your house and your decision. He's probably going to pull out all the guilt tripping and blaming and manipulating tactics he has now - it's going to be really tough emotionally but keep your eyes on the prize and get him OUT! You won't know yourself once you do.

It’s like his spark went a while ago and now I’ve finally come to the realisation it’s not going to work and he sees that too… and I’ve asked if he’s using me, now it’s like he’s lying to himself or me, I don’t know saying he wants to be together - when his actions are the complete opposite!! Mind scrambling!

He knows my resilience too as this has sort of happened before as I’ve “kicked out” my last 2 ex’s but I never had the feels I do as I do with my partner. Like I looked up to him, loved how outgoing his is and then it’s just all gone west.

Like I said though I think because he knows once my minds made up I move on with my life and I’m not shy of being single, we’ve actually had the discussion and both actually enjoyed being single - I just thought I met my “one” ! And as he’s older, I thought I could you know trust him and rely on him and it turns out I can’t !

The fact he is an addict is enough reason to kick him out.Just tell him to go.You really don't need an unemployed addict sponging off you. And he does have somewhere to go; his parents house. He can sponge off them whilst he looks for a job.

leave him now