38 single and childless- Feel like Bridget Jones

[MV86]

Hi All,

Id love some insight on this:

I am 38, single and childless. I split up from my long-term partner of 10 years during Covid and moved away and started a new life. I met someone who I fell deeply in love with but the relationship unfortunately didnt work out (complex reasons which are too deep to get into)
I have really tried to work on myself the past 2 years- mentally and physically and on one hand I am really enjoying being able to be independent and self-sufficient, however if I am really honest I yearn for a relationship and the closeness that comes with it- plus I want my own family.

I am getting unsolicited advice off some of my married friends with babies ie “you will find someone- you need to be happy in yourself” - which I find patronising in all honesty as these kind of advice also seem to come off people who didnt spend time alone ever or have been single in their late 30is.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Grateful for any insight :) thanks

Honestly ... youre looking at it from outside.. and you think youre missing this whole big thing where everyones so happy... while half of women just wanna be alone and cant be cause have children and abusive idiots and shared mortgages... etc .. stuck in some loveless relationships.. while having children is amazing its non stop 24/7 hard work, and most of the time women do it alone. Aaaand then appear the relationship problems.. 😂

Just enjoy your life as it is now, you never know when youre going to meet HIM.

@Somerandomgirl that made me laugh ha ha. Thanks for this ❤️
Just feel like an idiot at times when I speak to my friends and all I can contribute in the girls chat are pictures of my dachshund 🤣🤣🤣

The truth is OP you can't predict the future.
You will get loads and loads of posts on here, telling you how they met Mr Right later in life and went on to have 3 kids.
But their anecdotal stories won't help you in any way. In fact it can make you feel more shit - like why hasn't it happened for you, and will it ever happen for you?

You just have to deal with it I guess. Maybe find other friends in the same situation.

Ha I agree with @Somerandomgirl 
Although not taking away from your feelings @MV86

I wonder if we have a tendency to always compare our lot and imagine the alternative life we don't have as being the best possible version of that alternative reality rather than how most people's lives actually are

Op, do you want dc?

If you do, I know women your age who have gone ahead and had a baby with a sperm donor. Obviously it is not ideal as having a partner to share the load but if you are feeling stuck with the bio clock ticking, then you could give it a go. Once you have a baby, you will be too busy to wonder about dating or be Bridget Jones.

Ignore my post if you don't want dcs.

@Objectrelations I appreciate any insights :)

Tbh - there is an element of yearning and maybe bit of jealousy if you look at someone who seems to have it all- I am not being horrible btw- just honest.
Id say I am overall a happy person, I adore my mates and my family but of course sometimes when you are ill or just want to share something funny with someone - it makes it bit lonely. I also know that my friends who have kids are super busy and I wouldnt wanna burden them either with moaning about it 🤣

Your dachshund is probably a lot cuter than half of the kids out there!
I'm child free through choice, but also partly MH issues. Please don't compare yourself to others. Noones life is perfect and to be happy even for a few minutes a day is a blessing I think.

Hi OP,

I have a close friend who is 37, single and childless but who wants marriage and children. Her strategy is to get out dating (she took a break during covid and lost confidence) and she has joined a couple of hobby groups.

She has also started looking in to sperm donation, as she is aware that time isn't on her side (she'll turn 38 later this year).

I'm sorry about the 'well-meaning' unsolicited advice- I'm unmarried and childless (but by choice) and I get a lot of pitying looks and comments. I can only imagine how grating and hurtful it can be if you do want those things.

I think it's great that you have a strong network of friends and family (and a lovely dog). And I don't think you would be burdening a friend to mention that you feel a bit lonely sometimes.

Bridget was 32.

honestly though your life is your own and marriage and children aren’t achievements

@BobbyBiscuits tbh she is bloody cute and I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful little sausage in my life ❤️🤣 hard work though but down to me spoiling her hehe. But thank you- I do try not to but sometimes it gets the best of me.

@Saintmariesleuth thank you for your kind words- i do appreciate it!
sperm-donation wouldnt be something I would consider- I wouldnt want to be a single mother by choice if I am honest - no judgement ofc for anyone who does it- it isnt for me though :)

Yes, the looks and comments can be quite annoying and hurtful- I try not to show it but I did blow my lid a couple of times- I wouldnt comment on someone’s life.

I want to see your dachshund!

@MV86 show us a sausage pic? 😄

your wish is my command @spiderlight @BobbyBiscuits 🤣🤣

@MV86 that is pure happiness right there!! 😄
Adorable xxx

I don't know man... your dog is way cuter than many baby pictures I get sent 🤷‍♀️

I have two children and I love them dearly but I still (secretly) maintain that getting my dog as a teeny tiny gorgeous puppy was the happiest day of my life 😂

You come across as lovely and not a victim at all. Hope life brings you what you wish for but remember that happiness can be found in all types of different lives

And oh my l have just seen the doggy. What a face. Cuteness personified

@BobbyBiscuits hahahaha thank you! Tbh I am very happy and tell her so every day - and yes (!!) I am one of those people who thinks her dog is her baby 🤣🤣🤣 xxx

@Jengat Tbh- everyone thinks their own children are the most beautiful and cutest (from my experience with my mates with kids) so I dont blame you 😝
ohhhh really? Dont tell your kids 🤣

Agree with @Somerandomgirl it looks lovely from the outside but the reality is so far from it. Your lovely duschaund looks delightful (I can't spell) totally get though OP I was the single one for such a long time and I can confirm that the grass is not always greener

God isn't it just.😍

Think you got the better deal OP.

I'd be very interested in your dodgy photos if I was your mate.

I have been with dh for 30+ years, 4 kids who I love. But there's days I'd,swop it for a tidy small flat and a dog. On a remote Scotish island

We always think we are missing out. There's a billion versions of perfect. Someone's goal of a 4x4, city house and two kids isn't my view of perfect but that's,the dream we,are sold.

I have mess, stress and more stress so occasional I evnvy the dream. But it's not reality. Who has that and its perfect? Not many I'd imagine.

@Iwantacupoftea thank you so much! That is so kind really ❤️❤️❤️

@Alwaystired2023 @FluffyJellyCat
thank you for your words. Its very refreshing that people with kids actually say this.

I am trying not to romanticise the idea of having children and a marriage - I mean as you all said it is lovely and rewarding but also hard work but ultimately for me I have this feeling and yearning for it that I cant explain.

You mentioned having it all. I don't see it that way. It ends up being Giving it all. Women get suckered once again. Nah, I'm good thanks.

It sounds like you truly want marriage and kids- and that's okay. I'm not sure that parenthood is a logical decision, and most of my parent friends talk about having the 'yearning' that you describe (but obviously I am not drawing from personal experience).

I think to have the best chance of finding the right someone to have a family with, you need to get out and about meeting new people. Nobody can guarantee that things will pan out as you'd hope, but it would be a shame to regret not giving yourself the chance.

However, you sound like a very pragmatic person, and I'm sure you would still be able to have a happy life if a family isn't on the cards for you.

No advice really, just solidarity and sympathy because I could have written some of your post myself - I also left my partner at the same time, and I'm still trying to build a life as I'm financially worse off being single. I also don't want to go through the sperm donor route.

A lot of the time I feel my life is spiritually & emotionally empty and pointless. I try to distract myself, but not a day goes by when I don't feel sad or think about having to leave my past relationship, and the life I lost because of it. The only time I realise that I might be luckier than I thought is when I think of my friend who panicked a bit and had a child with someone she didn't know as well as she thought. I hope for her sake her boy will turn out ok, because right now, he often says weird and really disturbing & dark things to her, and seems to have taken after his father's side of the family.