38 single and childless- Feel like Bridget Jones

[MV86]

Hi All,

Id love some insight on this:

I am 38, single and childless. I split up from my long-term partner of 10 years during Covid and moved away and started a new life. I met someone who I fell deeply in love with but the relationship unfortunately didnt work out (complex reasons which are too deep to get into)
I have really tried to work on myself the past 2 years- mentally and physically and on one hand I am really enjoying being able to be independent and self-sufficient, however if I am really honest I yearn for a relationship and the closeness that comes with it- plus I want my own family.

I am getting unsolicited advice off some of my married friends with babies ie “you will find someone- you need to be happy in yourself” - which I find patronising in all honesty as these kind of advice also seem to come off people who didnt spend time alone ever or have been single in their late 30is.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Grateful for any insight :) thanks

And relationships can and do end all the time. You're without a partner as you say.

Kids will always be yours and when they're adults you're no longer their care givers so they're not always dependants.

Blood is thicker. Who knows if my partner and I will be together until one of us dies.

@biscuitandcake I agree 100% what you said. I feel both sides - women with kids and women without- can feel invisible in their circle of friends at certain stages.
I am not trying to sound holier- than -thou, but I always made an effort with my friends and their kids- but I did notice that a handful of them dont get in touch anymore unless I do and at some point it becomes tiring if I constantly need to initiate contact or get-togethers.
I do have some wonderful friends with kids who totally make the effort and what I mostly love about them (please dont go crazy on me MN) is they dont feel like they are superior to everyone else who hasn't got kids or pretend their time is more precious than mine.

I think as a whole I can say, I wont get discouraged just yet- people get pregnant past 40 and it is possible, I am sure.

@MV86 I feel for you and can totally relate with the longing for connection and children.

My practical advice will be:

1. As others were sayign above, treat dating as a second job. Consider paid dating sites. I met my husband on eHarmony (and overall had the best success on it), and we were married in half a year. We both wanted family and were willing to skip dating step. Still feel very much in love six years and two kids later.
2. Focus on men 40+ who are without children but want them.
3. Identify what's your main problem
4. Do you think you get no interest from men?
5. Do you think the men who are interested in you are not to your standards?
6. Do you have problems in developing relations?

After you honestly answer the questions, you will see how to solve the problem.

44 single for 12 years. You just need to get out and meet people, and maybe have counselling as it's not easy navigating dating when you are older.

Behaviours are maladaptive, not people.

If you believe being content in general is rubbish, you have sealed your own fate.

There is something to be said for luck, but we also make our own fate.

If an apathetic attitude is replaced with strong intention and effort, that will tip the balance into strong wins and successes. Try it and see. It’s not as complicated as you’re making it.

OK wow I also feel called out on this and I don't like it.... but I have a feeling you might have a point 😂

Well put 👏🏻

Oh my goodness- what an absolute sweetheart 😍

I think to have the best chance of finding the right someone to have a family with, you need to get out and about meeting new people. Nobody can guarantee that things will pan out as you'd hope, but it would be a shame to regret not giving yourself the chance

I agree with this. Go out, have fun and do things you enjoy- thats how most people I know met their partners.

If an apathetic attitude is replaced with strong intention and effort, that will tip the balance into strong wins and successes. Try it and see. It’s not as complicated as you’re making it

Can confirm this is also true

Aw what a cutie your dog is. In the same boat op.

If you are really keen to have a family I would look into going through one of those routes alone. I think that single parenting is very hard work, it can be easier than having to look after a baby and a giant man baby. (Double the work - less reward!)

P.s. gorgeous dog! 🐕