Why is this so common now

[Howhowhowhowhmmm]

Why are so many people in relationships on dating apps or adding, liking and messaging other women or men.
Why are so many people loosing amazing people to look elsewear? Why are people npt appreciating what they have now.
I understand phones have given people access to tons of people. But have phones butchered relationships?

The amount of people i know who cant trust their partners and are monitoring them. Its horrible

I’m in my 50’s and tried OLD - it was a hideous experience. The amount of 50+ men who acted like sex pests was shocking.
Grown adults old enough to be grandparents sending unsolicited photos of their saggy bodies and/or sleazy sexual comments from the start. Just 🤢

Me and my friends have a theory that many of them have come out of long (possibly sexless for a few years) marriages and have turned into Jay from The Inbetweeners.

Seriously if I had a £ for every time a man had said to me or my friends ‘I’m not looking for anything serious at the moment but if you’re up for fun…….’

I’ve given up looking for a serious relationship and I’m now just casually dating. I no longer trust men to be loyal and committed.

Almost halved in last 60 years. Dropped every year in last 15 too!

It’s too easy for men to cheat now. I do think there are types of cheats too. Ones who go actively looking and ones who think they are not but would if the chance came along. Unfortunately the chance has come along with the internet and Social Media.

Many men don’t even see flirting/Emotional affairs as cheating. My sister’s husband was on the face of it a lovely family man. She found messages to an ex of his with dick pics sent and stuff like “You have always had great tits” and “I’d love to fuck you again”

Stupidly she stayed with him and he then did it again! Don't be that person!

I think it goes both ways. I'm in my 50s and I've been seeing a guy recently. He says he thinks of me as his girlfriend - I was quite clear I did not, and told him why. He has been hurt by this, but I think it's better than me lying to him. I have not actively seen anyone else lately, but that's mostly because I have been busy starting a new job. He now seems determined to make me fall in love with him, and I don't think it will work - I like him up to a point, he's interesting and fun in bed, but I'd be mad to get too involved. I never said i was looking for anything serious. But he's just been through a bereavement and it's his last few days at work because of redundancy and I don't want to kick him while he's down.

I have a small number of FWBs and it suits me. They know about each other (at least their existence - I'm not going into details about each of them to the others.) I don't mind them seeing others as long as they are open with both me and anyone else snd use condoms. But I don't want discreet fun or a man who won't put his face on a dating profile. Open relationships are fine, but they really need to be open, not a man deciding unilaterally he's going to shag outside his marriage without mentioning it to his wife, rather than fully discussed and agreed upon by them both, and most of them on OLD are the former.

Non-monogamy is okay by me (it is not for everyone.) Lying and deceit is not.

Thry'll still be on the apps in their 60s and older. They'll just lie about their age.

In the old days, which I remember, many blokes used to go down the pub while their wives stayed at home. There they would try it on with any woman, single or married, and of a wide age range.

Plus ca change...

I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder whether we have challenged nature.

The more I look around me the more I realise that men are only capable of two things. Work and procreate. Just like our ancestors that they went hunting to bring food and then sleeping with every woman in the nomads.

Wonder whether the family model we are currently being taught is the right one? And wonder whether a model where women and kids live together and help each other and men live on their own bringing money and being used for sex would be more reasonable and beneficial for everyone’s mental health.

Honestly? They are not useful and capable at anything else other than sex and working 8-10 hours per day. They will cheat anyway, so at least let the women live together. We would help each other with the kids, provide emotional support, some of us work to contribute finacially to each other. And when we need sex we go to theri place and have it. And then they bank a specific amount of money every month for the kids. I think this family model would work for everyone.

@Rania78 I think youve cracked it! There's so much truth in all of your post.

You actually think that cheaters and non cheaters are worked out in percentages? Who managed to compile that graph, and how? Did they use a crystal ball?

I didn't think my husband of 27 years would cheat in a zillion trillion years. I would have staked my life on it. He liked growing vegetables, drinking real ale and watching cricket. He was a sound bloke and a very nice person. He wouldn't know how to flirt if someone held a crossbow to his head. Then I heard him speaking online to another woman.

There's been a plethora of shell shocked women on Mumsnet with similar stories to mine. Cheating, or at least giving into temptation, is on the increase because it is now so fucking easy.

I'll grant you that some men are serial cheaters and obvious sleaze balls and we've all met them. But other than that, you cannot possibly with 100% confidence say that a man will not cheat. Why? Because you cannot see into the future. Neither can the statisticians that worked out your percentages!

@Rania78 your post makes a lot of sense, but there are still good men out there! It does appear men and women often do want different things. And men often do seem to be less interested in monogamy and family life.

Here on MN there are so many posts about men who agreed to have kids and, once the kids arrive, these men quickly tire of family life and decide single life and/or other women are much more appealing, or they hang in, but distance themselves via work and hobbies.

It now seems very risky for women to have kids with their partner, unless they are fully prepared for single parenting at any time.

Really interesting- especially how is how most marriages seem to be conducted now once the kids are primary age. only difference is that in this scenario there were old be other women to support each other, whereas now we are often isolated.

Rania78 ----

I honestly think you read too much mumsnet!

My dh is emotionally mature, caring, supportive. Never cheated and won't.
I really don't relate to this thread at all. I have never done OLD so maybe I'm out of touch but they really are not all the same!

You are right, percentages was the wrong word to use. But my point was, there are men who cheat, and men who do not and it seems impossible to work out which man falls on which side, until things happen.

I am so sorry it happened to you, and I agree, you never can tell. A friend’s marriage was the envy of many, her husband doted on her and, when he retired first, he drove her to work and picked her up, did all the shopping, cooking, etc. It turned out whilst she was working he was ‘visiting’ several other women.

@F0GGYCAT I don’t think it’s MN to be honest. I have so many live examples around me. And I’m talking about couples I once thought are perfect. Once you lift the curtain you just freak out of what is happening.

Tbh I think everyone is capable of cheating. My ex was a very good man for many years and then something changed and cheated online.

There is always a ‘Not my Nigel’
Why bother to click on a thread and comment if you have zero experience (so far)

Dating has become akin to shopping. You can have lots of people in your trolley.

Thank you internet. Yet another bit of life that's being destroyed!

Yes both my husbands. All I wanted was a happy marriage that lasted a lifetime. We had a great life with lots of fun in it and without much drudgery, went on nice holidays and had fun.
Good sex lives, yet they both chose to cheat and walk away with nothing for the sake of some bimbo on the internet and both are now single living in cheap rented places.
Luckily I owned my home before marrying them so they were not entitles to half.
I don't trust men anymore and I don't think there are any decent ones any more so I won't be having relationships any more. I'll retire alone.
My grandparents, aunts and uncles had long happy marriages and were content with what they had. men aren't content with anything any more, they just want more and more, they don't care about having a family or being happy.

Maybe we never should have been raised to believe in finding a forever partner.
Truth. Who benefits? Only the men who want to be sure they are raising their own children, not children sired by someone else.
Women need to be the core groups in society - mothers with daughters, sisters, grandmas, aunties, friends. Supporting each other, building homes and lifestyles that are secure and long-lasting. Having firm boundaries about men - don't bring them into the home/compound, have your fun off-site. Don't support men financially or with your domestic service. Control your own reproductive rights. And don't listen to men's lies - they'll be desperate to tempt you away from the women's camp and back into servitude.

Just told our DC that we are divorcing - I never thought it would happen to me but now I see it everywhere too. Everything is disposable, including marriages and relationships as long as mine (29 years). I feel very very cynical about the world right now.

So sorry to hear this @yawnanotherone. was it cheating?

Oh it did. These sleazy men were just trying to rub up against the receptionist when they passed too close to the back of her chair. These men have always been like that.

I feel like this was written about me. I’ve just ended things as he was chatting to other women (again) well not just chatting. He was sat write next to me as well having a sexual conversation with someone else. Right in front of my eyes whilst telling me to stop staring at him. I could tell something had aroused him. Checked his phone and found the evidence. I forgave him too many times and it was honestly exhausting being with him because I had a constant fear that he was doing something. He had me thinking I was the crazy one when I would confront him about adding these women on social media. Such disrespect. But my intuition was right. I feel awful that even though I gave him my all, I just wasn’t enough. I don’t think I can ever trust anyone again!

I think some people see it as a bit of excitement, something different than what they have at home and some fun but they don’t realise the hurt they are causing.
I have an old friend who was on bumble looking for a relationship even though he was engaged and had a child. He stupidly matched with another friend who told his partner but he somehow got away with it.

Nobody’s forcing you to stay in a relationship with the lying toad though are they OP? Dump him and crack on with finding someone better (or learn to be at peace being single)

It’s your choice to buy into the “forever relationship”. I’m the same age as you and I’ve never idealised/chased/expected that because it wasn’t what I wanted. I’ve dated my fair share of scumbags but I now realise that was down to low self esteem and me enabling them to treat me badly. Now I’m in a genuinely equal and fulfilling partnership but we’re consensually non monogamous.

You can have any kind of relationship you want - it’s a good thing people (women in particular) have more choice over this now. But you have to look after yourself first and foremost.

Have you posted recently? Your story brings a bell. I'm without doubt older than you, and although we will never go back to the 'good old days' without the internet, I despair at the way some men (and women equally) don't respect either their own relationships or those who are in a relationship with another. In days gone by, once we'd settle with someone, your past was left in exactly that - your past. It was far healthier. I truly hope it will start a generation of kids off looking for a real 'family orientated' partner as a priority over anything else. And maybe with the cost of living and buying a home etc... it will compel people to remain faithful. Divorce is a horrendous thing to put children through and you see it SO often now. How the fuck people will be able to divorce in future years and be able to pay a mortgage as a single person, is anyone's guess. I feel for you all, really I do.

Yes, multiple times over the years. An excellent liar/manipulator and absolutely nobody would have guessed