Boyfriend doesn’t notice me? Red flag?

[sunshinegrey]

Been with him for a year.

Sometimes use my hair as photo 1 and sometimes as photo 2. Use hair dryer and straighteners.

Yesterday was the first time I used it natural as photo 3 (but curlier) and he didn’t notice a difference, no comments.

Then I asked via text and he said it seemed shorter.

Then I explained and he said as it was a walking date and we were mainly side by side he didn’t look at me properly.

He was in pain and is going through a stressful process.

It doesn’t bother me but I find it crazy.
Wondering why I spend 1 year hear styling my hair before dates lol

Do you see a clear difference and are men less sensitive to see it?

BUT ITS NOT EVEN YOU.
ITS A MODEL

😆

Not you.
🤷‍♀️🤣🤷‍♀️🤣🤷‍♀️🤣

I don't think the OP is claiming it is her is she?! Just using it as an example. TBH I don't know if me DP would notice! Or if he would he probably wouldn't say, but he is wonderful and treats me faultlessly. How is he as a BF!?

There are very obvious differences OP so I understand why you’re frustrated. Is he like this about other things as well?

It depends very much on the man - I have an ex who used to notice when I’d had my eyebrows tidied up (and they weren’t particularly bushy to begin with may I add!).

You have mentioned he’s stressed so maybe give him some leeway at the moment.

TBH I thought women had always complained about this : that their DH/ DP/ boyfriend never noticed when they'd been to the hairdressers, even when it was a radical change of style.
I certainly remember my mother complaining about this and I've experienced it myself.
So although it is very annoying I don't think your boyfriend is unusual in this.

Yabu op.

I would find this needy in a relationship.

Lots of people don't care what someone else's hair looks like. And, really, good for them.

Some men really are rubbish at noticing appearance related things. I still remember when I went to my prom at 18, my mam was out the night so she didn't see my outfit. When she got home she asked my dad if I looked nice and what I wore

"Yeah she looked really lovely, she wore a red dress and black shoes".

I wore a royal blue jumpsuit with gold shoes and accessories. It's like it just didn't register in his brain what I was wearing so his brain invented something.

I would never expect my DP to pass comment on whether I wore my hair curly or straight, let alone text him demanding to know why he didn’t!

You sound like very hard work.

So in a year of dating you’ve managed to find one suggestion of a red flag and it’s because when side by side, he doesn’t notice your hair?! Honestly, if that’s it, I really don’t see the issue. Are you generally just looking for a way out of the relationship?

What was he wearing, clothes and shoes? Can you remember?

I wouldn't call it a red flag. It just means he's an unobservant person. To me a red flag means a sign that he's going to treat you badly.

You'd think he'd notice the difference between straight and curly. Is he a bit of a dingus?

It’s a fair expectation when a woman makes effort with her appearance to have it acknowledged. But not in MN world where everyone is coupled up due to their personality and high IQ alone 😂 now shred me to pieces, I don’t care…

I have this problem OP, and it's because I have aphantasia, which is the inability to form mental images of objects or people.

So unless DP is stood in front of me, I can't actually remember what she looks like. This means I really struggle to tell when she's had a haircut. Obviously I know she's blonde, so if she suddenly came home as a brunette then I'd notice! But if she turns up with slightly different shade, or slightly shorter hair, or curlier. Not gonna have a clue.

Up until about 5 years ago, I had no idea this was a thing. I went through the first 35 years of my life thinking that people who say "I can picture it in my head" were just using a figure of speech. But no, it turns out 90% of the population can actually do that and the remaining 10% of us are just missing an incredibly useful skill.

@Bobbotgegrinch Me too! I genuinely was freaked when I found out most people actually DO see pictures in their head. All that 'imagine yourself on a tropical island' stuff...

It is just black inside my head. I cannot picture my DC faces or anything.

Just when I think this place can't get any weirder.

Ehh no not a red flag at all.

Yes sorry forgot to add
None of the photos are me but this is to illustrate the difference in hair styles - mine look pretty similar to those 3 photos.

YABU and massively needy. I barely notice what my DH wears or if he’s had his hair cut, and vice Versa! Because it doesn’t matter!

Yes
Brown lines betmudas, white linen shirt, brown leather sandals and sun glasses, no hat

I always notice

Interesting!

He did mention at the start of the relationship that he has trouble with faces and especially if he sees for example somebody from work at a non work environment - or something like that

Thanks

This now probably explain why he is not over concerned in paying compliments about my looks which bewildered me at first but now is reassuring as he is not in it just for the physical attributes

He is lovely about everything else and notices what matters most which is my mood, my health (or lack of) and he is a team player so no complaints

Just found this crazy as the hair styles to me look very different!

Hey all thanks for the responses

I’m not looking for a way out nor needy

Yep maybe using the term red flag was uncalled for