Boyfriend doesn’t notice me? Red flag?

[sunshinegrey]

Been with him for a year.

Sometimes use my hair as photo 1 and sometimes as photo 2. Use hair dryer and straighteners.

Yesterday was the first time I used it natural as photo 3 (but curlier) and he didn’t notice a difference, no comments.

Then I asked via text and he said it seemed shorter.

Then I explained and he said as it was a walking date and we were mainly side by side he didn’t look at me properly.

He was in pain and is going through a stressful process.

It doesn’t bother me but I find it crazy.
Wondering why I spend 1 year hear styling my hair before dates lol

Do you see a clear difference and are men less sensitive to see it?

Yep, sounds like aphantasia.

I once had a 15 minute conversation with someone who seemed to know me quite well. Faked it as best I could thinking it must be someone I used to work with or a friend of my brothers. Walked off and asked DD if she had any idea who it was. She looked at me stupid and said "It's Dan, your stepbrother!"

In fairness to me, my Mum only remarried once I was an adult, so not like I grew up with this guy, and I thought he was still travelling abroad, but I still really should have known who it was! It was mortifying, had to ring him and apologise.

That was an extreme example, but I quite often spend time wondering if that's so and so from work or not if I see them in an unfamiliar setting.

Haha

He has told me similar stories of talking to people for ages and trying to figure out if it is a distant friend, an ex work colleague or someone from one of his many hobbies

There are loads of threads on MN where OPs complain about their partners noticing what they wear TOO much. Their partners try and control how they look.They criticise them if they feel the woman doesn't come up to scratch or complain if they feel they have made too much effort.
I'd rather live with a man who wasn't obsessed with my appearance. Who accepted and cared for me what ever I was wearing . If that means him not complimenting me so be it , so long as he is loving in other ways.

I notice what people wear, what their hair is like, their jewellery etc, but DH doesn’t. Sometimes he notices if I’ve been to the hair salon, but he’s usually picked me up from there, so that’s not difficult. He never notices what I’m wearing. It just isn’t important to him.

I wouldn't exoect a comment if I went from 1 to 2. But if I went from 1 or 2 to 3 and he said nothing I'd think that...weird more than anything. Its such a big change.

Yes I notice too, not only what people are wearing / doing but everything in my surroundings.

I’m like “oh, what a beutiful tree, what an amazing house, what a lovely baby, what a cute puppy, what an interesting structure”

He notices a lot less

I dated a guy that would have absolutely noticed and he would've complimented me. My ex wouldn't notice if I was missing a limb, as long as sex was still an option. But he never complimented either, so didn't expect much from him.

Poor bloke.

I don't even notice when my kids dye their hair or get haircuts let alone anyone else 😂

Surely you do your hair how you like it for you, not in hope of getting noticed 🤦‍♀️

Sure I have the hair the way I like for myself

I just think that from dead straight to curly is a radical change, don’t you? Look at the pictures. It is not me but I can make my hair have all three styles. Do you see a difference?

Why poor guy?
I don’t think I mentioned in the OP that I wanted compliments

Have I been so toxic because I asked him a simple question?

If you read the thread you will see that ‘not noticing’ is a ‘thing’ that maybe you too have it.

Gotta love the way some people love twisting posts

from ‘boyfriend didn’t notice the change in my hairstyle ’ to ‘I need / want compliments and validation’

Thank goodness some MNtters still keep it factual and have the ability to interact appropriately

" he is not over concerned in paying compliments about my looks which bewildered me at first but now is reassuring as he is not in it just for the physical attributes"

You said this in one of your posts OP. So obviously to some extent you were wanting or expecting compliments from him at some point in the relationship. And to be honest I really don't understand all this analysis of the poor guy's personality just because he didn't notice your hairstyle had changed unless his validation about it wasn't important to you on some level.

I think it is normal for a man to pay compliments to a woman he is dating.
Don’t you?

I has been a year abd he rarely does it.
Yes it bewildered me as all the men before him was the opposite.

Is bewilderement synonimous of needyness or wanting / desiring validation?

Where did I say I wanted/needed more compliments? Or that I was unhappy with the lack of?

He is not a ‘poor guy’
There is nothing negative / toxic about the relationship

If you don’t understand the analyses maybe reaf the thread and see the posts of other people who gave a name to how he operates.
Knowing that he potentially is like that helps me understand him better and makes the relationship better.

And maybe there are some women out there (maybe you) who ‘validation’ on any level has zero importance.

But when I go out, alone, with friends or with my boyfriend, I make an effort to look nice because I like it for myself and if someone acknowledges that, of course it is welcome.
And when that someone is my boyfriend it feels romantic.

Yet you sent him a text questioning it?

Some people have told you that they would find this thought process/questioning - needy. That's up to them to decide if they find the behaviour needy or not - not you.

I commented on the fact my DH had shaved off his beard. He'd done it 6 days before. I commented on his new glasses. He'd had them nearly 5 months.

I adore him. Fancy the pants off him. Couldn't tell you what he left the house wearing today though.

a text questioning

how dramatic

the text:
’did you notice anything different?’

hardly questioning

jezzzzz

My post was not about my behaviour and I didn’t ask if I seem needy

Yes I get to decide if I’m needy or not because I know me best than anybody else and this is my relationship

I never noticed my ex husband had shaved off his beard. Maybe that’s why he is an ex

OP you seem to be presenting such contradictory points of view.
On the one hand you are having digs at posters who suggest you want compliments/ validation. On the other hand you say you do want compliments in the relationship.
Yes I understand it's nice sometimes to be complimented in a relationship. But I understand also that it doesn't always happen for a variety of reasons, some of which posters have mentioned on this thread. And most people take these oversights as normal in every day life in a relationship. They don't go over analysing.
I also feel you are really only wanting to hear from posters who you feel validate what you are looking for: some deep psychological reason why your boyfriend didn't notice your hair style change. But this is a discussion forum and other posters can put forward opinions even if they aren't what you consider of any interest or what you are looking for.

That literally is questioning him m

Me too.

I'm another who doesn't particularly notice things to do with hair or faces or weight.
I remember a few years ago my BiL shaved his beard off. The beard he had worn throughout the 20+ years I had known him. This is someone I see several times a year. I didn't notice.

There's also the situation when you notice someone has changed their look in some way and you aren't at all keen. So you don't mention it.

ok 😵‍💫

<leaves the thread because…>

Sorry OP I've just seen your other thread about your hair. I might have been more sympathetic if I'd seen that before posting here.

Sod the hair thing
He wears brown leather sandals
Leave the bastard

oh really troll hunter?
the one about kerasilk / hair botox?
and what is wrong with that?