How to call it off gracefully?

[KurtCobainLover]

I’ve been seeing someone for 6 months and really really like him. But, he keeps letting me down and says I don’t understand how tired he is - he has fibromyalgia so I feel like I should be more understanding but am finding it difficult.

He very rarely replied to texts and when we talk on the phone he says he’s not chatty mood. I got some surprise birthday money from my parents last week whilst I was with him and he straight away asked to borrow some which I foolishly did and feel really resentful that he put me on the spot (I know I need to grow a back bone).

The final straw was this morning when I texted him asking him to come to mine tonight rather me going to his and his response was shall we leave it as he’s tired. I’m pissed off because this isn’t the first time he’s done it and assumed that I’m sitting around on other days waiting for him to decide that he wants to see me. I have two children and work full time so my free time is limited. If I’d have known he was going to cancel I would have planned something else with friends but it’s too late to do that now.

How can I end it with gracefully without sounding like I’m throwing my toys out of the pram?

Just tell him it's not working for you. And make sure he gives you back what he owes you. I'm not sure I could "really really like him" based on your description, so i think you are doing the right thing.

6 months in should still be the honeymoo period. Ask him for the repayment, then ditch him and find someone who's more on your wavelength!

When he's repaid what he borrowed I would implement some version of ghosting. Given his lack of energy/commitment it should be easy to let this wither on the vine. For example, make the same excuses to him that he does to you, be as unresponsive to his texts as he is to your texts. When he phones you tell him you don't feel very chatty etc.
You'll soon find that weeks go by without you seeing each other and it will die a natural death🥳👍🏻

What a little scumbag. The money thing is awful, he’s a real little bottom feeder.

Get the money back. Then ditch him.

I suspect he's trying to maneuver you into being his sugar mummy/ nurse with a purse.

Wait till he's paid you back before blocking him.
I hate wet lettuces who are too disengaged to have a relationship.

Do you need the money back, or can you let it go? I don't think the chances are high, this guy could be on the take from various people.
You could try asking him for it before dumping him, but I don't fancy your chances. You really need to learn to say no to lending men money, or this could happen again in future.
Apart from that, just say you don't think you are compatible so it's best to go your separate ways.

How much did you lend him? If it was a small amount I would just write it off and move on. After only six months all you need to say is you don't feel it is working out but you wish him well.

I wouldn't worry about being graceful and I would be more inclined to do it over the phone as he sounds quite manipulative so please don't let him manipulate you or guilt you into staying . I would keep it short and sweet say you have enjoyed the last few months the but it's just not going to work for you .... maybe get your money back first 😂 but on a serious note he is messing you about and if I'm being honest doesn't sound like he has good Intentions towards you. You aren't a priority for him best off without him x

When did he say he'd pay you back?
Get the money off him asap. Make up a bill if you have to.
I doubt you'll get it but worth a try.
Then just say it's not working so it's best if you end the relationship now

You get a surprise birthday money gift and his immediate impulse is to commandeer some of it for himself !?
He doesn't bother to reply to texts!?
He's not really that bothered, he's just trying to get what he can out of you. He's a grifter, you don't owe him anything just get back what you lent him.

I have to admit, I read that and thought the same as you. In which case I wouldn't be ending it gracefully, I'd be doing as was suggested upthread by beergiggles and letting it end naturally. He doesn't sound like he's going to make any effort unless there's something in it for him.

Send him your bank info and request he transfer the money right away. Then ghost him.

If you keep trying to get the money back he will dump you, so either way the problem is solved.

I can't believe he asked you for your birthday money and I also can't believe you gave it to him.
Get it back and then block his number.

Fuck me, the state of men these days.

Sorry he sounds like a loser and you sound like a really nice person. You are a giver he is a taker it is just a case of saying really nicely this isn't working for me. If he asks why you have plenty of examples to give him and you are not being unreasonable, just tell him and ask for your money back. Once you do you will wonder why you put up with him for so long.

Always remember I would rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect. I saw that on a post somewhere and just loved it! Good luck.

Thank you all. I’m going to wait until he deigns to call next and end it. It wasn’t a lot of money so I can afford to lose it if he doesn’t pay me back and lesson learned.

Push for the money to be paid back asap and really hassle if necessary then dump him, he doesn't sound worth the effort.

You’re probably not going to get your money back anyway so you may as well end it now.

I think this answer is good. This is what it means when people say ‘match his/her energy’.

Please try and get the money back. It is not the amount, but a gift from lovely parents. What a selfish thing to ask you. Buy something special with the money that reminds you of your parents as they are gone too soon.

He sounds dreadful OP, l cant think why you really like him! Do as pps have said, ask for your money back immediately and dump asap. Then raise your bar, you can do so much better than this loser.

from what you’ve described

you could just ghost him and he wouldn’t t bother contacting you

or just send him a “not working so let’s leave it”, and i suspect he would come back with a 👍

chances of getting money back? nil

I'd say you need him to transfer the money back as you've had an unexpected emergency. Then end it.