How to call it off gracefully?

[KurtCobainLover]

I’ve been seeing someone for 6 months and really really like him. But, he keeps letting me down and says I don’t understand how tired he is - he has fibromyalgia so I feel like I should be more understanding but am finding it difficult.

He very rarely replied to texts and when we talk on the phone he says he’s not chatty mood. I got some surprise birthday money from my parents last week whilst I was with him and he straight away asked to borrow some which I foolishly did and feel really resentful that he put me on the spot (I know I need to grow a back bone).

The final straw was this morning when I texted him asking him to come to mine tonight rather me going to his and his response was shall we leave it as he’s tired. I’m pissed off because this isn’t the first time he’s done it and assumed that I’m sitting around on other days waiting for him to decide that he wants to see me. I have two children and work full time so my free time is limited. If I’d have known he was going to cancel I would have planned something else with friends but it’s too late to do that now.

How can I end it with gracefully without sounding like I’m throwing my toys out of the pram?

you could have used that money towards your kids Op

He's treated you dreadfully don't worry about ending it gracefully or for at a convenient time for him, just message, it's not working for you. Lesson learnt to not lend money again ever, don't put up with moody behaviour.

Sounds like you could ghost him and he wouldn't even notice.

Why wait? Ask for the the money back, no point losing It you don't have to. Good know you can spare it if he doesn't have the decency and you don't want to chase but I would at least try. That's your call and understandable.

Then I would call and let him know it's been nice and you wish him well but you'd like to end things because whilst you understand his health condition makes life difficult, with your commitments you require a partner with more availability in order to spend time together.

Fine to be understanding but you don't owe him a relationship or endless patience when. He cancels again and again.

Please don’t let him keep money gifted by your parents to you for your Birthday.

….forgot to add - as a parent I would feel gutted.

Message him your bank details and say you need the money repaying by next week as you've committed it to something else
Then follow up with 'this isn't working for me, I wish you well but it's over'

Definitely try and get the money back.
Until then match his energy, don't push to meet,make your own plans.
Feign an unexpected bill for the children.
Approximately how much money OP?

To ask to borrow birthday money really is a new low.

and to give it is incredibly odd especially when you’re not rolling in it and you have kids

@KurtCobainLover don’t let him get away with your birthday money? He invited you over so I’d be over, ask for the money and then dump his sorry *rse. What a CF he doesn’t deserve you! But it doesn’t matter if you can afford it, he’s got money that was given to YOU to treat yourself 🤬

let’s be honest

op won’t get the money back
and he won’t be least be bothered by the relationship ending

i wouldn’t even muster up the energy to message him OP. He won’t contact you i. all likelihood so it will just…. end

and learn from the experience for heavens sakes!

Your priority should be your kids not this loser. After only 6 months you don't need to worry about being 'graceful' just get rid of the leech.

I know, I’d have told him to fuck off, but we’re all different when put on the spot.

The borrowing money was crap to say the least.

The tiredness from fibro is, unfortunately, very much what it is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d live to be able to say Yes but can’t do it.
(Not saying you should just accept it and Be Kind though)

Whatever you are telling him, please dont tell him it’s because of his fibro. It’s a shit illness and he really doesn’t reminding of it and the limitations that comes with it.
Id just tell him that you are realising that you are struggling to balance family life with your dcs and your personal life as a woman and that you feel it’s not working for you.

Your bigger issue will be the get your money back now….

Well being graceful has never hurt anyone.
Im not sure why one shouldn’t care about unnecessarily hurting someone’s feeling ‘because you’ve only gone out together for 6 months’
You still owe a minimum of respect to anyone, incl strangers or people you’ve only known fur a short time.
Thats called being decent.

This.

Because it'll reveal just what a twat he is and you will feel zero guilt about ditching him

I’ve messaged him asking him to pay it back - it’s £50 so annoying but not the end of the earth. I’ve just had a lovely time in the charity shops treating myself to some new to me dresses (bet the weather changes now!).

I’m in therapy at the moment working on boundaries and self esteem so I guess this will be a discussion point during our next session on Monday…..

Thank you for all your replies - they really do help.

I hope he won’t be dragging his feet.
If he does, that will be him showing his true colours, regardless of his health situation.

fibromyalgia can leave ppl very tired and in constant pain, just ask for your money back and tell him it’s not working

I know someone with fibromyalgia so I feel for him about the tiredness. But everything else, especially sponging on you for money — he sound like a dead loss. I hope you get your money back, but even if you don’t you’ll be better off without him.

A man who takes money from a single parent is not a good man. And there is little chance you’ll get that back. Have a standard response ready for if anyone ever asks again. Keep it simple ‘I don’t borrow or lend people money’. If they ask why ‘because I don’t’

You don’t owe him anything. Don’t overthink this. Just tell him you’ve enjoyed your time together but you don’t see it going anywhere in the future so you are calling it a day.

I have fibromyalgia, I've never treated people like shit because of it.

well that’s great

but have you finished with him?

It's near the end of the month so hopefully his payday is this week. I'd try and get the money this week and then ghost him after.