Why does he not love me like he loves others?

[Wahterry]

I’m not sure what I’m asking for really. Perhaps just to vent as I feel really sad this evening.

Both DC are now teens and do their own thing. DH just never instigates anything with me unless it is to do with making dinner plans, kids, family or general chit chat. I try to connect with compliments, asking about his day, etc..nothing really returned to me. I feel
invisible.

Everyone thinks he’s amazing, talented funny and charismatic. He is these things but with me, he’s the opposite. I don’t feel he’s interested. Sex has not happened for years. I get sighs/ pulled funny faces and told not to put pressure on him. I’ve given up asking as it feels like I’m begging and is totally demoralising.

We’ve had a rough time with deaths in the family lately and I’ve been there for him. The other day I suggested we go for a family meal but he caused an argument and we didn’t go. No is his favourite word with me

It’s making me feel empty and unloveable, I long for a man to hold and kiss me passionately. I might get breadcrumbs of affection if I bring it up or get angry, but very quickly he goes back to his usual cold self with me. The dog and his kindle get more attention.

Should I leave him?

It's going to be hard but based on what you've said it's clear he doesn't love you but it's easier to stay together at the moment. One day however he will leave once he finds someone new who replicates back.

Why wait around for that? Might as well leave on your terms and have some control.

This sounds so similar to my exH with an extra helping of aggression on his side that noone ever saw. I used to wish that he would have an affair so I felt like I had a 'reason' to leave.

You can do this, you just need to start preparing yourself, building yourself up. Noone deserves to feel like this and be made to feel like this. I know your confidence is low but you do not deserve this.

For me I slowly got myself together, quietly building my confidence, confiding in a couple of people, got my physical and emotional ducks in a row so I was ready for his family to be 'why would you break up with him blah blah blah' ready for it to all be my fault and actually I when I was ready I was ok in myself to cope with feeling like his 'side' hated me. AND then one month later it turned out he was with someone he knew for years, she was pregnant with his baby (totally unrelated but she has the same name as me!!)

Is it his hormones or was he always like this?

I've been finding great comfort from this ongoing thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5114650-things-ive-noticed-since-the-divorce?page=1

This with bells on.

You have over the years accepted less and less, yet deserve so much more.

I would have the conversation with him. Don't nag or demand he has to change, just tell him what you have written in your OP and that you can come to no other conclusion than you want a divorce as you can't accept being so poorly treated and regarded.

Is it a possibility he is having a long term affair?

You Can Leave Him, you will get half of the house & savings.
Its better to be alone than this purgatory

While you are waiting to make a plan, pull back. Don't instigate any discussion. Do your own thing. Meet a friend. Visit your family. Go for long walks. Play music in the house so his mood doesn't get to dictate the whole place. Completely disengage and see what he does. Give him the same amount of energy he gives you.

This. He's told you to leave him alone so do. No conversations, no dinner, just grey rock if you can.

First thing you should be doing is getting yourself a full time job, sounds harsh but you need to stop all this why is he treating me so badly narrative with yourself now and get pro active. Once you are financially in control of yourself you will feel stronger and gain more self respect and be able to leave on your terms.